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Mary Worth, 3/14/16

Oh, did you think Mary Worth had reached its apex with “Mary and Jeff tell the waiter at their favorite restaurant that the restaurant where he works is their favorite restaurant?” Not by a long shot, bucko. Here, enjoy “Mary and Jeff stand on a deserted boardwalk and talk about what makes New York so exciting. Is it all the things that happen there? Yes, probably.” You know where you wouldn’t see people wasting time with this kind of blah blah? New York City! People are too busy hustling and bustling to engage in this kind of self-reflection. (Ha ha, just kidding, New Yorkers are contractually obligated to turn towards the camera and say “Only in New York! The greatest city in the world!” when anything even vaguely interesting happens to them.)

Slylock Fox, 3/14/16

Hmm, as I read the details of this scenario, it sounds like Shady’s explanation of events is entirely plausible. Maybe another truck swerved into his lane and, technically, the traffic in that lane was supposed to be going in a direction other than the one in which Shady was driving. Who’s to say? Look at how eager Shady is to tell his tale to Slylock. Does that look like a shrew who’s committed a crime?

Dick Tracy, 3/14/16

This Dick Tracy storyline in Cuba is still happening, I guess? Today Dick is holding a bad guy at gunpoint and forcing him to piece through a pile of rubble by hand to find his friends, who are either terribly injured or dead. Dick doesn’t seem that broken up about it, though! At least he’s finally getting to force somebody to do something at gunpoint.

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Slylock Fox, 3/8/16

Guys, we have a lot of fun here on joshreads dot com talking about the Slylock Fox backstory, when the animal uprising destroyed human civilization and brought the Before Time to an abrupt and violent end. But let’s just enjoy today’s six differences outside of that context, and appreciate it for what it is: a doubled depiction of mustachio’d man with a thousand-mile stare selling balloons, bright red balloons, each bearing a frowny face of the sort that would appeal to only the gloomiest and gothiest. But then — one drifts away! And smiles as it drifts to the skies! Here is the secret seventh difference: in the left panel, the balloon-man happened to have one smiley balloon, and that happened to be the one he lost his grip on; in the right, he has enslaved a race of silent but emotive balloon-beings, and one of them has finally managed to break free.

Gasoline Alley, 3/8/16

Speaking of the uncanny, Gasoline Alley seems to have shifted from an incredibly long and dull plot about scrapbooking to an incredibly unnerving plot about animals who can talk but only one little boy can understand them and also a forest fire burned down their home and now they want revenge. “I understand,” the owl says. “Your human justice system doesn’t consider us animals worthy of attention or protection. Fortunately, we have razor-sharp claws and teeth and can impose our own kind of justice on those who wronged us.”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/8/16

For reasons I cannot understand, the little girls who visit Crankshaft’s elderly, lonely neighbor and are extremely literal minded about everything have now been introduced into Funky Winkerbean, and apparently this was important enough to really highlight the weird chronological discontinuity between the strips by making them ten years older. Anyway, they’re making friends! Like with that 45-year-old dude who’s always trying to have sex with high school girls but the administration lets him hang around anyway, for some reason!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/28/16

Let’s ignore this cute little geometry puzzle and focus on what Sly and Max are bringing with them to their “lakeside crime case.” A fishing pole? A ukelele? My guess is that the amount of “crime solving” they’re planning on doing up there is pretty minimal, but you can be sure that they’ll be charging all their expenses to whatever secret police service they work for.

Six Chix, 2/28/16

I’m glad to see that, while one worm has been anthropomorphized, the rest are depicted realistically, which is to say as a writhing mass of living tissue out of your most horrifying nightmares that serves as a prime example why we must all live in clean, sterile habitats shot into space.

Momma, 2/28/16

Today’s Momma is a cute, wordless vignette about that time Francis tried to go skiing and ended up freezing to death!