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Family Circus, 8/14/08

If you asked me what my favorite Family Circus character is, I’d say, “Aarrgh, what are you talking about? I hate all of those hideous melonheads with a burning white-hot passion!” But if you held a gun to my head and said, “Look, pick a favorite Family Circus character or I’ll blow your brains out”, I’d have to go with Angry Billy, and today’s strip is a good demonstration of why. I love his petulant, contemptuous facial expression. And he’s right to be bitter: he alone among the Keane Kids is old enough to realize that this is just more education disguised as “fun,” and yet he’s still at least four years too young to go boozing and whoring with dad after Mommy falls asleep.

Mary Worth, 8/14/08

Bad: Toby referring to this boring, mass-produced DVD that she purchased on the Internet as “the fruits of my search.”

Worse: The strip letterers putting “the fruits of my search” in bold italics, so there’s no human way not to fixate on it and realize how awkward and horrible it is. “The fruits of my search!” Aarrrrgh.

Pluggers, 8/14/08

If this is a plugger lifeguard, you’re probably wondering, who exactly saves you from drowning on a plugger beach? What, do you expect some taxpayer-subsidized elitist swimmer to haul you out of the water just because you’re about to sink into the ocean and die? Why don’t they just drive out there in a limo and serve you champagne while you’re at it?

Wizard of Id, 8/14/08

I like how this strip starts off being about soul-scraping loneliness, and yet only two panels later finishes up with a terrible, corny pun about lily pads.

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Spider-Man, 8/9/08

I’ve been mostly ignoring the current Spider-Man plot, which has offered a change of pace from Peter Parker whining about what’s on TV by showing us Peter Parker whining about having the flu. Today’s entry is worth featuring, though, because it includes a rare bout of actual superheroics on Spidey’s part. Naturally, his attempt to save the day has only resulted in him and two others plummeting to their deaths.

Marmaduke, 8/9/08

The Internet-savvy Marmaduke has used a social-networking Web site to arrange an orgy.

Wizard of Id, 8/10/08

“The Wizard of Id isn’t too hip on current events!”

“Why do you say that?”

“The strip writers thought that a two-year-old film based on a five-year-old book constituted ‘current events!'”

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Wizard of Id, 7/3/08

This is one of an alarming number of Wizard of Ids that make me laugh due to sheer immature misanthropy, but since I’m the Comics Curmudgeon, after reading it I paused to see if I could figure out how to make it even more immaturely misanthropic. And the answer quickly became pretty obvious: the punchline in panel two should clearly be not “your sister” but “your mom”. Am I right? Is there no room for “your mom” jokes in the funny pages? Some sort of conspiracy of good taste? Would not every strip benefit from a healthy dose of “your mom” jokes?

Mary Worth, 7/3/08

“This reminds me of a similar situation! I have a suggestion … why don’t you convince Mr. Abner’s long-standing girlfriend to go out on a date with another man, and have her picture put in the paper, humiliating him, and then she shouldn’t return any of his phone calls when he tries to work things out? Because that’s what happened to me, and I feel totally 100 percent fine, so I’m sure he’ll feel fine when it happens to him, right? Yeah, I feel pretty great. Doing fine. Yup!”

(Alternate punchline: “I have a suggestion … I’m going to go do your mom. Later!” See, isn’t that a nice change of pace?)

Curtis, 7/3/08

Hmm, “Honeystump,” that sounds kind of suggestive, but what sort of specific thing could it be a reference to? Well, I suppose … no, wait that’s disgusting; or maybe — no no no ew no! But it could be yargh that’s not an image I need in my head so early in the morning. Thanks, Curtis, thanks a lot.