Post Content

Mark Trail, 6/27/11

When is it time to start paying attention to Mark Trail? When the violence starts, obviously! Young John Thrasher suddenly shows the benefits of his military training and steely nerves by announcing his refusal to cooperate with law enforcement authorities, rapidly covering several feet, and then kicking the sheriff in the solar plexus, all while he has a rifle pointed right at him. He shows the benefits of his good breeding and essentially gentle nature by apologizing for this act of derring-do while he’s still in the process of perpetrating it.

There’s been a slight but noticeable uptick lately of Trailian good guys physically assaulting law enforcement officers. To be sure, it’s all to forward the cause of good in the long run, but can this “ends justify the means” philosophy really co-exist with this feature’s traditional straight-arrow morals? Eventually, the strip’s whole universe might devolve into chaos; fortunately, the strip moves slowly enough that by “eventually” I mean “millions of years hence, long after the Earth’s sun becomes a red giant star, wiping out all human life.”

Gil Thorp, 6/27/11

When is it time to start paying attention to Gil Thorp? It certainly isn’t when Gil has some long, rambling confrontation with a school board member at an open meeting, so let’s continue not paying attention to it.

Momma, 6/27/11

The idea of a man’s mother casually asking him about his infidelities is both grotesque and par for the course in Momma, where Mother Hobbes will go to any length to break up the seemingly happy marriage of her eldest son. Still, we can sympathize with her exasperated expression in the final panel, as Thomas is apparently so lame that he can’t think of any way to stray that doesn’t involve the Internet.

Dennis the Menace, 6/27/11

And so began Alice Mitchell’s tragic addiction to prescription stimulants.

Spider-Man, 6/27/11

Ha ha, jokes on you, mysterious “Big Boss”! You can’t humiliate someone who is incapable of experiencing shame!

Ziggy, 6/27/11

Hey, everybody, are you going to enter the Ziggy 40th anniversary contest? Here’s my caption: OH MY GOD ZIGGY IS EATING A CAKE SHAPED LIKE HIS OWN FACE OH MY GOD

Post Content

Mary Worth, 6/24/11

Mary Worth continues to prove that just because you have no understanding of the ways humans think and feel and act doesn’t mean that you can’t try to heal their emotional pain! Did you experience a moment of life-shattering public humiliation and emotional trauma? Eh, just try remembering it differently, maybe you’ll feel better. Have you become sexually obsessed with someone who doesn’t reciprocate? Probably it’s because you hate your job! Sure, that totally makes sense.

Jumble, 6/24/11

Kudos to Jumble Jeff for taking the time to meticulously depict both of these fictional bears in their native garments (though I’m assuming he also deserves blame for the unspeakable pun that is the puzzle’s answer). For many years I’ve found Smokey Bear’s habit of wearing jeans and a hat but no shirt deeply unsettling. I mean, if he weren’t wearing any clothes at all, that’d be one thing — he’s a bear, it’s natural enough — but wearing pants means that he casually performs his ranger duties topless, which is a little weird. Not until this moment, however, had I considered the full-on obscenity of Yogi Bear, who wears a hat and a collar and a tie and nothing else. Is he some kind of ursine Chippendale?

I’m also a little unsettled by this apparent superstar team-up between straight-arrow Smokey and known criminal Yogi. Do you think Smokey’s co-worker Ranger Smith feels hurt by this? I imagine that Smokey believes that he’ll teach Yogi about agriculture and that will stop the constant pic-a-nic basket theft. He’s going to be pretty disappointed.

Ziggy, 6/24/11

Ha ha, Ziggy doesn’t understand that in fancy finance talk “buying debt” just means “lending money.” Anyway, long story short, some mid-level member of the Chinese Communist Party is going to be the proud owner of Ziggy’s kidneys real soon now.

Pluggers, 6/24/11

Wait, can pluggers swear? I … I don’t think pluggers can swear. Pluggers complain about other people swearing. Young people. With the hip-hop music. And the baggy pants. And yet here’s a cuss, plain as day. I have to go lie down now.

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 6/17/11

Oh, look Les’s mopey romantic life has been derailed by comical misunderstanding! Sure, if you actually go back and look at the Les-Susan smooch strip (which I did, because I have a professional obligation and/or hate myself) it doesn’t seem very likely that anyone would have had an opportunity to snap this little pic, but I say if Les is humiliated, all the better. Maybe Keisha was stalking him, in order to defend her mother’s honor, or just because everyone is obsessed with Les for no reason. Maybe Susan had a hidden camera set up for just this reason, and she sent the pic to Keisha when the time was right. The important thing is that finally someone in this strip is going to be suffering in a way that I find enjoyable.

Luann, 6/17/11

Speaking of enjoyable suffering: ha ha, Brad is about to be fired! I’m sure they’ll explain it as “budget cuts,” but it would be great if he were let go because of incompetence, or just because his personality is considered generally unpleasant by the other firefighters. I’ll bet those checks Toni’s brother gets for being in the Le Mis touring company look pretty darn steady now!

Ziggy, 6/17/11

Ziggy’s brought his pet to a restaurant, and his pet has brought vermin into that restaurant, and now that pet is going to disembowel and eat that vermin right at the table. I’m beginning to understand why the waiters in this strip are always so hostile towards Ziggy.