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Archie, 2/27/09

“It’s actually working out pretty well in that regard, because it’s about four times as large as a normal credit card and has no text or numbers of any sort on it, so I can’t convince any of the stores here that’s it’s actually a credit card.”

Herb and Jamaal, 2/27/09

Oh my goodness, Herb has finally figured out how to harness the nonspecificity that dominates his world … for evil.

Marvin, 2/27/09

Marvin all this week has been about his diaper rash and the disgusting effects that sitting in one’s own urine will have on one’s buttocks; and yet it is only today, with Marvin complaining that his ass is so sore that he can’t even lie down, that I’ve been moved to express my complete disgust.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/27/09

I liked this strip better when my eyes glossed over most of the longer word balloon in the first panel and I read it as saying “Yep, she’s taken up speed!”

Ziggy, 2/27/09

Ha ha! Ziggy and his entire neighborhood are about to be annihilated by a barrage of cruise missiles!

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Your COTW coming momentarily, but first I have a very important notice from faithful reader Eloriane!

I don’t know how close you are to Ohio, but in case some nearby Curmudgeons were interested in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I wanted to let you know that according to this site, Tom Wilson, the creator of Ziggy, will be doing book signings at the following times and locations!

• 3/5/09 7:00 PM at Barnes & Noble — Montgomery Road. Cincinnati, OH.
• 3/6/09 7:00 PM at Barnes & Noble — Olentangy River Road. Columbus, OH.
• 3/21/09 2:00 PM at Barnes & Noble — Chagrin Blvd. Woodmere, OH.
• 3/25/09 7:00 PM at Borders Books — East Liberty Street. Ann Arbor, MI.

How could you resist?

I will be very impressed if anyone of you go to one of these events and ask hard-hitting questions like “So why doesn’t Ziggy wear pants?” or “No, but seriously, they’re still publishing Ziggy books?

And, um, I think that’s it, but I have a nagging notion that I promised to announce or feature something for someone in a COTW post and have failed to do so. If you are that person, feel free to e-mail me.

And now, without further ado … your comment of the week!

“Why yes, starting my morning with a glimpse at the biggest frown Tommie is capable of was great. Thank you for asking.” –Gnoll

And your runners-up! Very funny!

“Nothing deflates a guy like Gary like the arrival of Margo. You can actually hear the ‘sigh’ of the air escaping from his erection.” –buckyswife

Re: Darrin’s return in FW: “Hey, folks! I was a teenager last time you saw me, now I’m twenty-seven with a receding hairline! Isn’t life in the Winkerverse great?” –commodorejohn

“If I were Gary I would gently suggest the possibility of a relaxing menage à trois instead of dinner, to relieve the building sexual tension. But I am not Gary. Instead, apparently, I am a very, very, very sick person.” –un malpaso

“Margo already knows what’s for dinner: the rich, delicious sadness she inflicts in those around her. She’s just rubbing it in for extra flavor.” –Rhekarid

“Judge Parker Editor: ADD A HOT CHICK IN A BLACK DRESS TO PANEL 3! Wilson and/or Barreto: Umm, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with today’s strip. I/We think we should just have Sam and the new Judge Parker again. Editor: I DON’T PAY YOU TO THINK, I PAY YOU TO SHOW HOT WOMEN REACTING TO WHAT MEN SAY AND DO!!!” –rhymes with puck

“‘Goodbye, romance!’ ’Cause when Margo cockblocks you, you stay cockblocked … forever!” –Donald the Anarchist

“Maybe Confey’s proposition is going to be a sporting wager among gentlemen to see which of them can reach Vietnam by hot-air balloon within 80 days. Either that, or he offers to buy Jeff’s daughter Adrian for a couple of hundred bucks, and then makes the check out to ‘Vietnam.'” –Trilobite

“In Funky Cancerincest, I believe the ‘*’ stands for ‘sucks’, the ‘@’ for ‘moose’, and the ‘#’ for ‘cock’. The ‘s’ at the end makes it plural.” –Harold

“Ha ha, Cathy is going to spend a week pooping out acai berries! Sadly, that thought may represent the funniest thing ever to be prompted by Cathy.” –Gallowglass

“‘I know most women prefer white, but you, my love, are not most women!’ So instead I am sending you a bridal gown in red and gold, as is more nearly appropriate for the Whore of Babylon, Mother of Harlots and Abominations of the Earth, as she rides astride the seven-headed beast with ten horns. Enjoy!” –seismic-2

“Bil looks positively gleeful with anticipation. ‘Oh, I’m gonna hear some malapropisms today!’ ‘What’s that on your pants Daddy?’ ‘Malapropjism!'” –Donald the Anarchist

“It’s true: Margo is NOT most women. Nor is she mostly woman. She’s about 30% woman (skin, eyelashes, femur), 30% titanium alloy (organs, musculature, other femur), 25% fiber-optic wiring (nervous system, scalp), and the remaining 15% is all Amduscas, (a Grand Duke of Hell who commands twenty-nine legions of devils), baby.” –Lettuce

“I really identify with Junior. That’s the exact face I make every time Marvin talks.” –150

“While this will probably be the most boring couch-orgy ever, it will also probably be the longest; no one will even take off a tie until sometime in June.” –Tlachtga

“Please, if you could count the time you spent online with someone as ‘dating,’ I’d be engaged to Salma Hayek by now.” –BigTed

“Dr. Jeff isn’t punching himself in the face; he’s trying to will a handgun into existence to blow his brains out.” –Judas Peckerwood

“Proper response to the question ‘Is this that guitar game?’ when holding stoopid plastic guitars in front of the TV: ‘No it’s that banging your old lady game and these are our giant plastic penises’.” –Hopscotch Willie

“Listening to the ranger and Mark Trail today, I can’t help but think the two of them should be wearing snuggies and stroking cats while they have this conversation. Perhaps tea would be nice. One of them should mention Patty’s drinking problem and then the other can segue to persons heretofore unmentioned. They’re my Aunt Judy and neighbor Bonnie with male genitalia. Well, at least the ranger.” –Dingo

I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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Dick Tracy, 2/4/09

“Ethan Noll — Ethan Noll? Like ethanol, the volatile, flammable grain alcohol that some think could be a valuable fuel source, and which is often derived from corn, which in turn is the main crop in Iowa, the location of Professor Noll’s university? I wonder if this offers a clue of some sort to the denouement of this episode? Naw! Too much of a coincidence. Literally every human being I meet has a name that’s a pun of some sort, and only half of those turn out to be relevant.”

There are many things I dislike about Dick Tracy — currently at the top of my list is its decision to renew its earlier flirtation with Comic Sans (HEY GUYS JUST BECAUSE IT’S IN BOLD DOESN’T MEAN WE CAN’T TELL) — but the weird fractured chronology on display in the second and third panels, in which an event is first recounted second-hand and then shown to us in flashback, isn’t one of them. This is actually a fairly common technique in the strip, and I’ve grown to appreciate it more as I read it; it at least adds a little narrative interest among the stubby fingers and the bludgeonings. It reminds me of the weird editing in Steven Soderbergh’s The Limey, only with even more graphic and brutal killings.

Funky Winkerban, 2/4/09

“Yup, I’m all set to start writing again, and AAAH AAAH AAAH IT’S THE REANIMATED CORPSE OF MY DEAD WIFE!” Ha ha, just kidding, Les wouldn’t be terrified by this prospect; the appearance of his wife, resurrected as a shambling zombie-demon, would be the highest form of erotica for him.

I was blessedly out of the FW loop during the storyline being described here, but many commentors seem to recall it as one of those irritating lesser-Shakespeare-comedy-type plots where the protagonists keep having their meeting thwarted by random circumstance (much like Darrin and Lisa’s attempts to track each other down before the latter’s death). If that’s true, then surely Les will be able to produce a new book that’s as big a flop as his last one, and the cycle of misery will be complete.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/4/09

Hmm, Second Officer Tomas, who in previous appearances looked to be of Latin or African descent, has made an appearance today looking thoroughly Caucasianized. Perhaps he’s still desperately attempting to placate the drunken, belligerent WASPs who make up most of the ship’s passengers, and thus is switching races himself so as to put them all at ease. Thus the patient requiring medical attention is Guido himself, with Rex being called upon to provide more enwhitening injections.

Marmaduke, 2/4/09

Marmaduke’s owner can’t get the dog to stay off the furniture, stop digging up the back yard, or refrain from eating the neighbors, but at least he’s managed to instill his own virulent anti-Semitism into the hell-beast.

Ziggy, 2/4/09

Hey, everybody! Have you heard about all the corporate bailouts? Ziggy has, apparently! Maybe someday the strip will get around to making a joke about them.