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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/2/24

My faithful readers are all familiar with Rex Morgan, M.D., the soap opera comic strip where nothing ever happens. But what if nothing happening was a sign that … something was happening? Specifically, what if the Count not getting out his chair was a sign that Rex had misdiagnosed something much more serious as a mere ankle sprain? Sounds like an exciting malpractice lawsuit is in the cards! (We regret to inform you that lawsuits, no matter how exciting, are another situation where something happens in the form of nothing happening for long periods of time.)

Gasoline Alley, 3/2/24

Wow, this is, uh, a choice for something to say to the person you pay to live with and care for your father full-time, who is the primary person we ever see talking and listening to him. “Oh, ha ha, I didn’t mean you, Gertie, obviously. Obviously! Say, why don’t you go cook something?”

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Hi folks! Your COTW in a moment but first … Dropout, the streaming service from the College Humor folks, has a great geek-culture panel game show called Um, Actually, and I wrote some questions and jokes for the new season! The first episode is up now, and features several of my questions, including one that readers of this blog will see and say “Oh my GOD that is DEFINITELY a question Josh wrote, huh.” Anyway, the show is super fun and I urge you to check it out! (And if you have Dropout, you might also want to check out WTF 101, an animated show from a few years back that I did research for.)

But enough about me! This metapost is all about you, and your funny comments, including the comment of the week!

“The gloomiest thing is that Andy Bear picked up that line from Dead Poets Society. If you were a teenager crushing on Ethan Hawke or Alexandra Powers in that movie, you’re a plugger now! I don’t make the rules, the inexorable march of Time does.” –matt w

It’s also about the very funny runners up!

“The plugger isn’t speaking Latin, God forbid. Turnovers made for bears are, of course, actually filled with carp.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Usually when you hear about a pair of 3 inch heels, it’s 3 inches in height, not length.” –nescio

“Mary forgot to say ‘the neighboring town’ to modify Taft. Toby will have no idea!” –But What Do I Know?

“At this point, Rex Morgan’s writers are just messing with us. You can’t accidentally write a strip where two boring characters sit around listing more exciting things they could be doing.” –Victor Von

“I always love when the comics try to do a strike story, because it always feels like a 7 year old’s idea of the world. Some unspecified workers have walked off the unspecified job, so Dithers is going to use the most powerful union-busting technique he knows: going up to the laziest, most pliant worker he knows individually and asking him nicely.” –Schroduck

“Gertie has successfully gotten the town’s oldest man to drink the spiked soup with the memory-wiping drug. Now no one can stop the council’s diabolical plan that involves renaming the town somehow.” –Morgan Wick

“In tonight’s dreams, Gil Thorp is going to see those scarves extending, entwining, then wrapping around him and smothering him. Just goes to show, never reunite with your family.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“One thing you can say about Walt is that he takes the second commandment very seriously. No fancy, painted images of things in heaven or on Earth for him. Just plain white canvases as God intended, dammit!” –Old Man Shadow

“Plan your Spring escape in style! Whatever your next move, you’ll be ready for action. This chic cashmere-blend outfit in an elegant mauve is perfect for a last-minute getaway! The close-fitting bodice is accentuated at the natural waist by a buttoned accent belt at the back, with a pleated skirt that drapes beautifully whether standing still or on the run! Slightly puffed sleeves at the shoulder ease the form-fitting, cuffed long sleeves for complete freedom of movement, so you can wave away admirers, or hail a taxi in comfort. Add the silk-lined kid gloves and matching pumps in spring’s latest color, Cement, and top off your outfit with a mauve cashmere beanie. Get the look, on sale now at Sacks.” –Charterstoned

“YOU KNOW IT IS BRILLIANT DRAMA BECAUSE THERE IS LOTS OF YELLING!!!!” –Peanut Gallery

“Yes, Keith is quite a serious conventional man, unlike the weird and wacky characters that Mary usually surrounds herself with! Why there’s the stodgy professor, the boring advice column writer, the doctor whose entire personality is ‘boat’, the women who are so indistinctive they could swap places without anyone noticing and … others, presumably? Anyhow, it’s amazing that Keith feels at home in this free-spirited commune of kooky characters.” –pugfuggly

“We’re getting to eat some of the stuff Keith brought back from the stables. He says it’s edible, and I have no reason to distrust him.” –taig

“This is why we shouldn’t let children read Richard Lovelace and other Cavalier poets. Dennis recognized the message of ‘To Althea, from Prison’ and now knows his mind and soul are free even if his body is not. And the Roundheads like Mr. Wilson will know fear when Dennis grabs ‘a sword, a horse, a shield’ and works on restoring the Stuart monarchy. Next time make the kids read Tennyson or Keats or Marvell or other poets who won’t encourage this strange mix of being libertarians and absolute monarchists.” –KMD

“‘He’s learning farrier skills at the local stable.’ That’s quite a euphemism for ‘Keith is riding that old mare Kitty like there’s no tomorrow, and he also has a foot fetish.’” –brendancalling

“Thanks, dear. We’re all good at something. You’re a talented artist and a great friend! See? I’m good at telling people what they want to hear! Now eat up, dear. Your food isn’t getting any grayer!” –Chance

“Mary’s idea of great friend is someone who will listen to your prattle, ask inane questions, accept platitudes as wisdom, and praise you. Toby is, all in all, less work than a dog.” –richardf8

“Curtis realizes that having physical media is the only way of ensuring you have access to it for years to come, and at that price, he must be into vinyl too. Good for him, that li’l forward-thinking hipster rascal.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Curtis, 3/1/24

The weird thing about arrested-in-time strips like Curtis is that we, who have been reading this strip for decades, have internalized the rhythms of the family dynamics and recognize today’s episode as one of an infinite number of subtle variations of the “Curtis asks his dad for money” gag. But Curtis, in theory, is only 11 for a year or so, and in a strange way he’s experienced much less of his own life than we have, and so can’t predict what’ll happen next. Look at his smile in panel two! “Throw his money out a window?” he’s thinking. “What a charmingly odd idea! Not sure where he’s going with this but I’m sure I’ll have some cash in my pocket by the end of it.” Anyway, Curtis, have you considered getting a Spotify subscription? They have Six-ribs’ whole catalog, along with a huge number of other hip-hop artists, and 60 bucks could get you six months!

Marvin, 3/1/24

It took me a minute to figure out, but I think the joke here is supposed to be “The dog, who should not be eating people food, will end up eating the meatloaf, because someone will be surreptitiously feeding it to him, ha ha!” But this is a strip where dogs and babies have adult human-level cognition, so don’t they shouldn’t act like we’re supposed to be surprised or amused that they might eat adult human food. Anyway, my initial read on this was that the joke was about the dog not wanting to fill the house with horrible odors vented from his bowels, which would at least be kind of a twist for this strip.

Mary Worth, 3/1/24

Toby is truly one of my favorite ancillary Mary Worth character. Unlike Wilbur, she’s used sparingly enough so that it’s a true delight when she occasionally shows up and says things like “I want to take up cooking, which my husband would love, but my neighbor up the hall, who rarely cooks for us, is so much better than me at it, so why bother?” This would be hilarious even if the thing the lady up the hall had just dished out wasn’t the most disgusting brown glop you could possibly imagine. Anyway, Mary is being either incredibly kind or incredibly sarcastic when she calls Toby “a talented artist and a great friend,” because she definitely isn’t the former and I’d be willing to bet quite a bit that she’s isn’t the latter either.