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Dennis the Menace, 1/28/24

Folks, let me tell you something about my brain (and yeah, sorry, you’re reading a blog with the URL josh reads dot com, you signed up for information about Josh’s brain): I need to create elaborate systems for myself in my home so that I don’t forget where important everyday objects (keys, wallet, glasses, etc.) are, and the real necessity of these rituals is brought home to me every time I travel anywhere and immediately lose everything in a relatively small guest bedroom or hotel room. Names? Of people? Whom I have met socially on multiple occasions, and about whom I could tell you any number of things about their lives and hopes and dreams? You think I’m going to remember their names? You sweet summer child. You think I don’t maintain a Word document called everybodys_names.docx for each job or professional relationship I’ve ever had? Because I do, I absolutely do maintain those documents, thank you very much.

But, today? When I read today’s Dennis the Menace? I felt the phrase “Oh, the Mitchell family, the star of the syndicated Dennis the Menace comic strip, have a storage unit” sink into my brain, and I knew, I knew with absolute certainty that this bit of Dennis the Menace lore was now burned in there permanently. The next time I go anywhere, and I look desperately around the room trying to find my keys, and then I close my eyes to try to visualize where I left them, I know that what I’ll actually see is Henry Mitchell, Dennis the Menace’s father, looking around at all the boxes in his storage unit, and shaking his head at how Alice doesn’t think he needs a place to put this stuff.

Beetle Bailey, 1/28/24

Ha ha, look at Killer! He’s severely traumatized. I don’t think he was even beat up — this is all just from psychological abuse. I guess the other soldiers should really start to appreciate how Beetle serves as a ritual scapegoat for the whole camp!

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Mary Worth, 1/27/24

Remember when Keith first showed up in this strip as a closed-off, taciturn man who tried to get through his interactions with Mary with as few words as possible? And now here he is waxing rhapsodic about all the new feelings he’s been experiencing or whatever. I have to imagine that if you went back in time and showed the Keith of late September what he’s become that he’d be a million times more embarrassed than if he’d “gone woke” and just enjoyed a vegan burger or something.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/27/24

“Jimmy — is that you? My old friend, who came up with the ‘Jimmy Seminar,’ a self-improvement method that I blatantly ripped off to create the Ollman Technique? And who I spotted just a few days ago, panicked, and then ran over with my car? That Jimmy?”

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FRIDAY MORNING MEANS COMMENT OF THE WEEK TIME EVERYBODY!!!!

“Rene’s Scooby Doo reference is frankly unearned. The Mystery Inc teens actually put in the effort of investigating the haunted theme parks and getting chased by ghosts and frankensteins and whatnot. If Scooby and Shaggy had just had just coincidentally met a guy who told them that Old Man Jenkins is dressing up as a vampire to scare away developers, and then Old Man Jenkins ran out in front of the Mystery Mobile and got hospitalized without them even having to pull off his rubber mask, I think the show would have been a lot less popular.” –Schroduck

It also means hilarious runners up time!!!!!!!!!

“‘The Eve of St. Agnes’ was one of the most famous poems ever written by John Keats, the great Romantic poet who died when he was 25. If only Gasoline Alley and its foul cast of miscreants, abominations, and troglodytes had followed his example, the world would be a much better place.” –KMD

“I never knew 3D stood for three dullards.” –nescio

“What prompted their conversation? ‘Sometimes when I’m drunk, I think I can make people fat. Do you ever make people fat?’” –Victor Von

“It’s even more grim and depressing when you realize that his college ‘roommate’ was just his reflection in the dorm mirror.” –KnwItAll89

“Lucky Eddie is displaying his mistaken understanding of banking, which does not consist of having a large sack of money but rather of saying that you have a large sack of money. No need to take that long uncomfortable sea voyage at all!” –But What Do I Know?

“I never would have taken Poulet for a Black Flag guy. The Misfits, maybe.” –astroboy

“C’mon Jen, what the fuck’s Marvin going to do in Hawaii? Shit on the beach?” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“A minor point, maybe, but why are they discussing this at the breakfast table? Isn’t that the kind of news that you tell you spouse when you get home? I guess when you have a kid like Marvin, the first thing you do when you get home from the office is down a handful of pills to dissociate completely from your body (most importantly, your nose).” –pugfuggly

“And, by that, he meant release a lot of bees. There’s a reason he’s dead now.” –taig

“I don’t think a guy who died a gruesome death fighting Dick Tracy is the best source of advice for how to survive fighting Dick Tracy.” –ectojazzmage

“Ann’s a career criminal now, so she’s got to be ready for anything. And for the mean streets of Cavelton, that means a new hair color, a fifteen-year de-aging process, and scalemail armor evening attire. Sure, that lamellar gown doesn’t provide much protection for her limbs, but judging by the compound fracture on her upper right arm, it’s already too late to worry about that.” –jroggs

“There’s catering to your demographic, then there’s sticking Frank Nelson into your comic (Bing him, Zoomers). Judge Parker? More like Judge Pander.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“So like I realize it’s an unpopular opinion, and it may be mostly maryjane talking, since I’ve been trying to preserve my liver for me twilight years through decreased alcohol consumption — which getting high makes far less onerous, in my experience — and that’s a trip in and of itself; but I’m actually pretty alright with what appears to be the gradual transition of Six Chix to an ‘all koans, all the time’ format.” –Violet

“So who should I send my blank cards to? Who gives me blank feelings? Well, there was that guy I went out with twice in college whose name I forgot; I suppose I’d send one to him if I could. We went to Wendy’s, and my burger was more interesting than him. Imagine his delight when he gets my blank card. Of course, he may not remember me much either. He’s probably a whole different person with a more successful life than mine. Has a big family, vacations in Greece, a great job … Wait. I don’t have blank feelings anymore. Oh, this is going to be a challenge.” –made of wince

“Good news, Dot! Your brother is a drawing, so a regular eraser will work just fine!” –Anonymous

“Ha, Jeff and Jenny can’t afford a hotel in Hawaii ’cause they spend all their discretionary income on diapers! Also, endless rounds of steam cleaning their carpets, financial settlements with local stores to settle legal claims from disinfecting the stream of liquid feces they leave behind everywhere they go, exorbitant babysitter costs because nobody wants to watch their vile child, etc.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Of course I’ll have fun. That’s why they call it a playhouse. I do hope the Health Department has allowed them to re-open the ball pit.” –Peanut Gallery

“Does anyone know if there’s a canonical reason Dick Tracy dresses like a noir marshmallow peep? Does he think the bright yellow will make the blood splashes pop? Does he expect to fight Green Lantern at any given moment? Is it a sex thing? The world wonders.” –Voshkod

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