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Blondie, 1/17/24

I gotta say, “In honor of Kid Inventors Day, I created an alarm clock app that doesn’t work” is probably the funniest sentence I’ve ever read in Blondie, and I’ve read Blondie more or less every day for the bulk of my life. Anyway, it’s all downhill from there, and I honestly wouldn’t bother reading the rest of the strip if I were you.

Dennis the Menace, 1/17/24

Dennis has learned to draw a distinction between basic reactive pleasures and the higher-level emotion of pride, which derives from pleasing other people he respects or society at large. Not sure if that’s menacing or not. Guess it probably is, given today’s evidence of how he’s making sense of his own complex emotional landscape.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/17/24

Anyone else accidentally read that final word balloon as “th’ noose awaits !!” at first? No? Just me? Just me fantasizing that King Features is about to end its longest running strip in the most shocking way imaginable?

Beetle Bailey, 1/17/24

Wow, Beetle Bailey has portrayed an actually relatively recent trend — movie theaters with big reclining seats! Don’t worry, nobody on the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC staff has actually been to one of these places, but a friend of theirs had it described to them by one of their grandkids, so they’re pretty sure they have a good idea of what one probably looks like.

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Crock, 1/16/24

I’m not sure what series of facial expressions I would make if I spoke to my institutionalized mother about the fact that she’s so dissocated from her body that she can’t recognize the rumbling of her own bowels, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t it. Honestly can’t really tell what it’s trying to convey, but it definitely wouldn’t be me!

Dustin, 1/16/24

“Anyway, you’re dying. Or maybe just depressed. One or the other for sure. Could be both.”

Mutts, 1/16/24

Why is her torso covered in eyes

Why is her torso covered in eyes

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Mary Worth, 1/15/24

Well, thank God, surely now that this Mary Worth story has wrapped up in the most boring manner possible we can move on to something more interesting, and … wait, what’s this? Keith and Kitty are “giv[ing] in to their growing attraction,” right there in the car, front of God and Mary Worth readers everywhere? I can’t believe we’re about to see something so explicit, so filthy, that … oh, thank goodness, Keith just referred to food you buy at a grocery store as “dinner items,” no libido no matter how powerful can survive the sexlessness of that wording. Things are going to go back to normal (non-horny) soon enough!

Gil Thorp, 1/15/24

Ah, whoops, it looks before he even had a chance to menace Gil and our heroes, Coach Perm was felled by a swift punch to the gut from one of his own players. Welp, problem (?) solved (???), let’s go see what Coach Ochoa and the hockey team is up to for the rest of the week.