Metapost: The comments … they ain’t stoppin’
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It’s Friday and you know what that means: You can’t stop the comment of the week. You can only hope to contain it within this metapost:
“I love how fast the sheriff drops his phony hick act when it comes to money. Oh, he’ll say ‘shore’ and ‘ain’t’ and ‘fer yore’ along with the other townsfolk, but at the realization of just how steadily he’s literally nickel-and-diming the impoverished locals by bending the law to let let crooks go free and innocent people linger in the ancient one-room jail, he gets all excited and the phrase ‘negative effect on our supplemental income stream’ comes rattling out of his mouth faster than you can say ‘civil forfeiture.’” –Chance
The funny has spilled over into these runners up!
“Love how the marriage counselor has given up on taking notes. He just sits back in his chair, letting the dysfunction wash over him, knowing that although he has found the most toxic relationship in existence, no one would believe him and they’re beyond help anyway. He’s as trapped as they are.” –Tristan Olson, on BlueSky
“Pretty sure Leroy is musing about dying himself. He’d never be under the delusion that Loretta dying would solve all his problems — he knows he’d still be a Jets fan.” –matt w
“The joke here is that Leroy and Loretta saw the shrink’s name was ‘Dr. Pillman’ and assumed this was an easy way to score some painkillers.” –Where’s Rocky?
“When Chip woke up that morning, he could tell something was different: the angle of the sun, the heaviness of the air, that smell in the breeze. Was it … popcorn? He stumbled out of bed and into the living room as if in a daze. ‘It’s here,’ he said aloud. ‘It’s summer-blockbuster season.’” –pugfuggly
“Wait until Lukey and Snuffy find out it’s not legal advocacy that Barney’s been up to, but the most dangerous art: human taxidermy.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“Snuffy is short-sighted, as usual! While a lawyer could help him escape punishment now, it will end up strengthening the rule of law and trust in authorities, making people less interested in engaging in the informal economy. Soon, he will have to get a job, pay taxes and become a cog of the modern state!” –Ettorre
“It’s summer blockbuster season, and I, a teenage boy in 2025, want you, my parents, to take me to the local cineplex so that we can all enjoy some big budget franchise films in the theater on the big screen, the way God intended. Hurry, Mom and Dad! With luck, we can still catch Mission: Impossible — The Final Reckoning and Thunderbolts before they become available for streaming in a few weeks.” –Joe Blevins
“‘Wisterias?’ the salesgirl says in a surprised tone when the old man doesn’t flash her.” –Hibbleton
“Every day June shaves a bit more off her head, just to see how long it takes Rex to notice. She’s down to ’80s old school hip hop star’, and so far no dice. But to be honest, she could go cueball bald and Rex still wouldn’t realise. Chris Rock could tell June she looks like GI Jane 2 and all Rex would say is ‘I enjoyed the first film. Didn’t realise they were making a sequel, although it seems highly unlikely it would star my wife.’” –Schroduck
“The art in Rex Morgan isn’t anything special, but credit where it’s due, you can practically hear the mechanical creaking in the first panel as Rex comes out of rest mode to interact with his wife.” –Rosstifer
“By ‘cake’ the boys mean cake. By ‘cake’ Rex means booze.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Belle is sporting an almost wistful look in panel two. Deranged, yes, but wistfully deranged.” –LTJpezcore1
“Why is mini-Kadia squatting on the rim of Kit’s mug like that? Is she putting something extra into his coffee? God, I hope so.” –Veronica!
“Man, that genie is cool. He’s too cool for a Healthcliff cartoon. He ought to be the 90s throwback mascot for sunbutter, with a catchphrase like ‘It’s got Vitamin B1, yo!’” –BillieVee
“This is probably the closest this comic has ever gotten to acknowledging that hardly anybody uses the ‘Dick’ shortening of ‘Richard’ anymore, not to mention why that is the case. Hopefully, Tracy will get the point and change his name to the much more respectable Penis Tracy.” –ectojazzmage
“If I were a ruthless feudal overlord like Mr. Lodge, I’d be very hesitant to paint something that could be ignorantly or willfully misconstrued as an anarchy symbol on my door. Rivers of blood indeed!” –Violet
“So there’s this committee, see, made up of mothers-in-law, who manage all neighborhood device configurations, and they’ve got a parental lock on yours, sorry bud. I could ask about an exception at the next CAB meeting but that’s not for a couple weeks. Did you even read the HOA contract?” –Tyler Wengerd, on BlueSky
“I dunno. Archie and co have been teenagers for roughly forever and a half. Hard to blame them, really, for treating every day as a blur, just one more rotation on the endless and endlessly boring hamster wheel of their existence.” –Dmsilev
“And as Pop looked away, the wall tiles took the opportunity to grow their numbers again. Two more rows! Soon … soon they would devour all the walls in the restaurant. Then, from there, all the surfaces in Riverdale! No matter where you looked, there would be nothing but a glorious white background. They had taken over 9 Chickweed Lane this way. But the tiles … they hungered for more.” –Lurker Who Seldom Posts
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