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Happy 2016, everyone! As is my tradition, I begin the new year by catching everyone up on the week’s worth of comics that I skipped while travelling, because I am nothing if not servicey. It’s good to have traditions this time of year!

Gil Thorp, 12/25/15

The Thorps have this tradition where they pose for a Christmas card, and try very strenuously to pretend that they never had hideous children, no sir, it’s always just been the two of them, those ugly little twerps certainly aren’t buried under the backyard shed right now, why would you even think that.

Mark Trail, 12/25/15

People have all sorts of holiday traditions! A cab driver told me yesterday his family always buys new green underwear to wear on New Years for good luck! Other people like to gently pick bats off of cave walls on Christmas morning! Life is a rich tapestry!

Gasoline Alley, 12/26/15

At least this holiday season settled an age-old question: is there a loving God? Clearly not, because if there were, He would not allow this endless, insanely tedious scrapbooking storyline to continue.

Curtis, 12/26/15

BUT WAIT! A KWANZAA STORYLINE IN CURTIS! Except … it doesn’t take place in some mythical African setting but instead stars an ordinary teen with fairly standard aspirations in the contemporary United States? This offers very little opportunity for, say, bat-winged bears or giant telepathic otters, so, nope, life is still terrible.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/29/15

Sarah’s plan to skip the first grade by marching into her new school, waving her horsey drawings around over her head and shouting “I’m an artist, damn it! An artist! I know how to feed myself!” should be extremely hilarious to watch.

Gasoline Alley, 12/30/15

Nnngghhnnggghghgh, this is still happening??? Here’s some sad news, Boog: forget a hundred years from now, we stopped caring about you weeks ago.

Curtis, 12/30/15

GOD DAMN IT, KWANZAA IS ABOUT WEIRD GIANT MONSTERS, IT ISN’T ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA AND VIRAL VIDEOS, THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN NO KWANZAA STORY AT ALL

Gil Thorp, 12/31/15

On the other hand, I do like Gil Thorp plots that revolve around social media and viral videos! Remember when Gil got hit on the head with a baseball and YouTube went nuts for it? Remember when the kids read about sexting in Time and Newsweek and decided they wanted in? Anyway, this year it seems that Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp was about to cut a gal from the basketball team but then saw that she had written something vaguely team spirit-y on her Facebook, so now she’s in! This will no doubt lead to an escalating war of all the kids posting inspirational memes and such in an attempt to keep in their coach’s good graces.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/31/15

In case you’re wondering, New Years Eve in the Funkyverse combines the gloom of the Funkyverse with the gloom of New Years Eve in real life!

Mark Trail, 12/31/15

What better way to end 2015 than with some hot Trailian beefcake?

Mary Worth, 1/2/16

And what better way to start 2016 than with some hot Worthian sanctimony? Remember, it’s not mandatory that you make New Year’s Resolutions, but if you do, why not resolve to be more like Mary? EVERYONE SHOULD BE MORE LIKE MARY.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/3/16

Haha, remember the terrible joke in this strip? Did you want another version of it? Well, too bad, here it is! 2016 is going to be great!

Anyway, I’m back to regular daily blogging tomorrow. But now is the time to vote in the annual Worthy Awards, the hilarious best-of-the-year awards from Wanders and the Mary Worth And Me blog. Will Terry Bryson win Best Costume Design for her Mod Squad outfit? Will Mary’s Pretty Big Computer-Like Thing win for Best Set Decoration? Democracy only works if you vote!

And, finally, remember, you can buy my novel, now and forever. I’m enthusiastic about 2016! (See what I did there?)

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It’s Christmas Eve, and you know what that means: I leave town and take a break from mocking the comics and let the ol’ web servers cool down as well. I’ll be back … I dunno, let’s say no sooner than January 1, and no later than January 4, depending on my mood. But if you’re hungry for more writing from me … well, I think you know where this is going:

BE MORE LIKE THIS ADORABLE DOG AND READ MY NOVEL! You can order it in physical book form, sure, but it probably won’t get to you until next year at this point. For your immediate Josh Fruhlinger prose needs, you’ll want the ebook bundle. But why not order both, just to be safe? And remember, if you feel the keen need to try before you buy, you can read the first chapter on Medium or listen to me read the the third chapter on the Catapult podcast.

And, oh yes, let’s enjoy your comment of the slightly truncated week, which will reign supreme until I come back and then we accumulate another week or so of comments:

“In spite of all the crotchety indignant pouting by Alan, I still have to say that my favorite panel in this whole strip is the final one, where Sam stares off into the middle distance, contemplating what his world is like. ‘Let’s see, I spent most of 2015 nursing a squirrel back to health, setting up a skype call to a wedding and then selling an RV to my daughter’s soon-to-be lover. Oh god, I should have never left my practice…'” –pugfuggly

And these runners up are also hilarious:

“I wouldn’t think your average newspaper cartoonist would be making enough to shop at Whole Foods, but here we are.” –Mars

“In Curtis, I like how the dad’s eyes pop madly in the third panel. Like he ignores Curtis so thoroughly that he thought he was alone and suddenly there’s a terrifying voice right there.” –BeckoningChasm

“A veritable smorgasbord, it is! Who are the Floating Hearts of Love for? Loose-Shoes? Bookworm? Shelf Ass? Blindy? Don’t commit just yet, Francis. Sit by your mother’s window a few more hours and you’ll see a hundred more freakish oddities … er, hot chicks! And be served a home cooked meal, to boot!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Is there a more joyless character on the comic strip page than Curtis’ dad? I mean, even the residents of Westview take mild, smug delight in bad wordplay every once in a while. Greg’s existence is one of being miserably slumped in front of the television, punctuated by occasional bouts of openly hating his oldest child. If Curtis had any love for his father, he’d quit sabotaging his attempts to smoke himself to an early grave.” –TheDiva

“But I’m willing to try! Nurse, SCALPEL!!” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

“That is clearly a rare Russian nesting doll with an ugly baby face painted on it, and Rex stole it from a booby-trapped tomb somewhere. It’s so perfect it belongs in a museum!” –Steve S

“‘We’ll leave you two alone then, so that we can go engage in non-stop carnal pleasure, because that is what hu-mans always do in these meat suits! Tee-hee!’ Meanwhile, on the far end of panel 2, we see another member of the Away Team in its normal physiological form, awaiting its next shift as ‘Ed’ or ‘Evy.'” –seismic-2

“We can enjoy delicious leftovers for days afterward! Weeks, maybe! I’m never leaving, by the way. I already made copies of the keys.” –Doctor Handsome

“This clearly depicts the crucial Pre-Animal Apocalypse period when the guns were taken away and the farmers were forced to use sticks to defend their livestock from the fox hordes. Fundamental transformation, indeed. Thanks, Obama.” –Mikey

“Wow, we get to watch Mary and Olive sit through church for a whole week. We FINALLY DID IT! We finally found something more boring than real church!” –DimensionalOtter

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

And that’s all for 2015, y’all! Remember, if we’re all extra good, maybe Santa will bring us a Kwanzaa storyline in Curtis this year.

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Judge Parker, 12/24/15

Judge Parker Senior looks very excited about the prospect of the ceremony at which he’ll receive his major literary award taking place at some kind of Illuminati sex temple!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/24/15

Ahhh, I do love a good Rex Morgan pissyface. “I was prepared to tolerate a Scottish nanny,” Rex is thinking, “but I’ll be damned if I allow my daughter to be educated by the Irish.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/24/15

Merry Christmas, everybody! Here’s hoping you live in a community where you have easy access to basic preventative medicine and shelter from the cold!