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Blondie, 1/7/16

For someone who’s as long established a figure in the office social scene as Dagwood, he sure has a sad, desperate need to be liked.

Zits, 1/7/16

I haven’t bothered to talk about Zits in years, but now that 2016 heralds an edgy reboot for the strip, in which an involuntarily emancipated Jeremy is forced to live in his rickety Volkswagen Bus, I admit I’m intrigued.

Gasoline Alley, 1/7/16

Boog’s reign of saccharine, pro-scrapbooking terror is finally about to end, as his parents start making out and barely even notice when he’s eaten by a bear.

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Mary Worth, 1/6/15

Oh man, just when I thought that this Mary Worth storyline was petering out into dullness, Mary has decided to take her new protege under her wing and interrogate a homeless man! Has he really retained his faith through all his hardship? Or has he only written that on his sign because he discovered it made people more likely to give him money (that he desperately needs to survive)? And even if he does still retain his faith, what kind of faith are we talking about here? A faith in the Gods of the one the traditional, outmoded religions? Some vague belief in the goodness of humanity, or of the universe? That won’t do. Once Olive summons her otherworldly messenger, this fellow will either have his soul shattered into infinitely tiny shards or will emerge from the experience a disciple of the new faith, Olive and Mary’s faith, the faith the will cleanse the world of the unclean and unworthy.

Curtis, 1/6/15

I’ve been down on this Kwanzaa storyline so far, but kudos to the spirit of the holiday for bringing the word “barfed” to comics pages everywhere. It would be better to show than to tell, of course, but I understand the editorial limits of the medium and applaud the strip for even getting this far. More teens magically transformed into superstars vomiting on presidential candidates in the funny pages, please! More, I say!

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Dennis the Menace, 1/5/16

“Look, mom, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you reading bedtime stories to me. It’s just that books are boring and TV is better, and I have no intention of learning how to read or engaging in any sort of entertainment that requires conscious effort on my part. Why, if my own brain could just auto-generate amusing imagery for me, that’d be the best! Dreams are great and all, but they only work when I’m asleep. Are there any pills I could take or anything along those lines that could create dream-like images for me? I’m definitely going to spend most of my energy as an adult looking for them!” As ever, A+ menacing work, as Alice’s look of concern makes very clear.

Gasoline Alley, 1/5/16

Gasoline Alley just spent like five God-damned weeks going on and on about scrapbooking, so the least they can do is linger a bit here and let us enjoy a few days of Boog’s parents sweatily trying and failing to work up the nerve to explain sex to him.

Pluggers, 1/5/16

Pluggers are horrified by the idea of “ingredients” that you “cook” to produce “meals,” and prefer to only buy things you can consume right out of the box or bag without even heating up.