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Mark Trail, 10/29/15

As these bad-ass criminals switch their combat-grade amphibious ATVs from sea to land mode, comics-reading children across America are getting an important lesson: just because you’re a part of a violent, sinister gang trying to recover stolen radioactive material doesn’t mean you should skimp on nautical safety! Check out those properly fitted life jackets, kids! Be like these guys, in certain specific ways!

Apartment 3-G, 10/29/15

Oh, snap, are we going to be entering Margo’s dreamscape? At last, an excuse to be in a featureless void! And if you need a spirit guide in your featureless void, why not choose your hallucination of Tommie, the most featureless and empty of A3G characters?

Mary Worth, 10/29/15

Sorry, Bobby and Gina! I know you love Mary so much you invited her to New York for your surprise wedding! Sorry, Shelly! I know you’re so close to Mary that she was your sole guest when you received your major award! Sorry, handsome Broadway legend Ken Kensington! I know your heart was bewitched by Mary’s charms! Sorry to all, but it seems that Mary will be spending her time in New York with a psychic eight-year-old and not any of you.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/29/15

The grim looks on everyone’s faces really sell this punny banter, if by “really sell” you mean “make abundantly clear that everyone involved is the victim of a cruel God and is being forced as some kind of awful punishment to say”.

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Mark Trail, 10/28/15

Guys, sorry I didn’t provide a play-by-play of the awesome sea-battle in Mark Trail, but basically Mark and Ken rode around in the water and the bad guys shot at them and damaged their speedboat and Mark and Ken had to drive (sail? navigate?) it up onto a tiny island. Now the boat’s drenched in marine fuel and Mark is, presumably, about to blow it the fuck up by firing a flare gun directly at it, no doubt just as the bad guys arrive. Remember when Mark was on a boat that blew up, and then Cherry was worried that he might be involved in another boat explosion in the future? Well, don’t try to change him, Cherry. Mark’s a guy around whom boats just can’t not explode.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/28/15

Congrats to Funky Winkerbean on really being the best at what it does. This strip, for instance, manages to convey a sense of almost unbearable autumnal melancholy despite only existing to showcase the terrible wordplay-joke slogan of a fictional arborist.

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Momma, 10/27/15

This strip’s been running for 45 years, OK? You try coming up with new things for Momma to be annoying about. “Not understanding standard English idioms” is certainly preferable to Oedipal horror.

Shoe, 10/27/15

I was going to make fun of the Perfersser to reacting so negatively to this slur against his hometown — he is, with his defeated slouch and his hand at rest inside a chip bag, part of the very problem being mocked — but then I wondered if the whole thing wasn’t a cry for help on the part of the artist. “Look, I thought I could wring endless funnies out of a town of bird-men, but I can’t, OK? I’m bored. I’m so bored. This bird-man who can’t even muster the energy to lift his hand-wing out of the bag of potato chips … that bird-man is me. I am that bird-man.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/27/15

Ooh, Apartment 3-G plans to go out with a bang by assembling all of Margo’s boyfriends at her bedside! That’s Greg, who used to be Margo’s boyfriend and also played James Bond, in the movies, no big deal. Who else will be showing up to proclaim their love to Margo’s unconscious form? Scarf-wearing architect Trey? FBI Pete? Will they be bringing any of Lu Ann or Tommie’s exes with them? (Haha, just kidding, nobody cares about Lu Ann or Tommie’s exes.)