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Family Circus, 12/11/15

Wow, Billy’s crass holiday greed seems positively charming now, doesn’t it? “Oh, come let us adore me,” sings Jeffy, “for I am the mashiach, the anointed one foretold in prophecy. I am the Christ. Come adore me. WORSHIP ME. WORSHIP ME. I AM YOUR LORD GOD JEFFY AND I GROW DISPLEASED.”

Heathcliff, 12/11/15

I mean, I guess if you’re going to engage in a massive orgy, you’re going to want to use a pagan fertility symbol to justify your actions.

Blondie, 12/11/15

I like the idea of poor Bernie, sitting alone in his studio apartment on Christmas Eve, thinking that he might not have any family, he might not have a hearth to call his own, but nevertheless he knows that somewhere, across town, Santa is coming — with presents for him.

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Mary Worth, 12/10/15

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mary and Olive’s Manhattan tourism adventures. At the moment, they’re taking in the smash Broadway musica Matilda, based on the beloved Roald Dahl book, about a little girl with the ability to move objects with her mind, and … say, Mary, what are you on about here, exactly? So far, Olive’s unusual powers have been somewhat passive in nature: angelic visions, premonitions of danger, that sort of thing. But soon her powers will be turned outwards. Soon, all of us will wish we never heard the name “Olive” — and Mary will be there, each step of the way, pulling the strings.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/15

Like many people throughout the ages who have encountered evil that they’re unable or unwilling to stop, Mr. Wilson is finding comfort in the idea of a supernatural being in charge of a system of rewards and punishments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/10/15

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley’s current bizarre fixation on scrapbooking, but this is the fifth time in two weeks I’ve featured the strip here, which is more attention I’ve paid to this feature since Slim tried to ethnically cleanse his neighborhood with a meteorite back in aught-seven. Anyway, today’s baffling detail is the WFW, which doesn’t seem to be an abbreviation for any particular sports league. Potential definitions offered by Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary seem unlikely, though hilarious.

Momma, 12/10/15

That is not Thomas and Tina

That is Francis and MaryLou, and they are not married, they are brother and sister

Exactly what kind of sick incest roleplay is happening here

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Edge City, 12/9/15

So I don’t talk about Edge City and its obsessive-neurotic antics much, but despite my distaste for its occasional exploration of alternative sexual practices, I’ve come to kind of enjoy it. Which makes it too bad that the strip’s creators recently announced that it was ending at the end of the year, in a melancholy blog post in which they said the syndicate didn’t want it anymore, they were tired of writing and drawing it, and nobody reads newspaper comics these days anyway. But at least, unlike Apartment 3-G, they’re giving their characters a send-off with a little closure and dignity, although “dignity” may be too strong a word for when Colin becomes a millionaire YouTube sensation and the whole family has to move in to a garish Hollywood Hills mansion and pretend to like all the asinine Vine stars he suddenly starts hanging around with.

Shoe, 12/9/15

Ha ha, is Biz having a stroke or just really drunk? He can’t tell! Just another good-natured laff from the hilarious bird-men of Shoe, ladies and gentlemen.

Gasoline Alley, 12/9/15

GOD DAMN IT A “SELFIE” IS A PHOTOGRAPHIC SELF-PORTRAIT, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER THEY’RE DIGITAL OR FILM OR WHAT

THE FIRST EVER CLOSE-UP PHOTO OF A HUMAN FACE WAS A SELFIE

NGNGNGNGHGGHGGNGNG