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Comment of the week? Comment of the week:

“In the first panel, the cow is being affectionate; in the second panel, where the cat watches the cow warily, the cow has realized that other animals taste good. Panel three was cut by the censors.” –Old Man Shadow

Hilarious runners up? You’d better believe hilarious runners up:

“That she didn’t ask ‘Cop or fireman?’ the moment she met her long-lost father’s mustache means her dealings with The Man have all been imaginary.” –Rex_Thrillho, on Twitter

“I’m fairly certain Mary is going to swoop in and let them both know that they can agree to disagree, and that in any case, political convictions and opinions are bad. ‘You see this tasteless, beige casserole I prepared?’ she’ll say, ‘Nobody really likes it, but no-one really hates it either! It’s a nice middle-of-the-road option that everyone can grudgingly shovel into their mouths in the comforting knowledge that no-one else is really enjoying it either.’” –pugfuggly

“As absurd as the Mirakle Method and its playground-themed brainwashing technique is, I can far more readily believe in its efficacy than the idea of anyone finding Truck and Wanda to be ‘colorful characters.’” –jroggs

“I love the addition of the sign making it clear that Andy Bear is returning from a MUNICIPAL golf course — no $25 martinis at the 19th hole for the backbone of America! Just heading home after downing PBR tall boys on a patchy Par 3 course (next to the industrial district) the way the Lord intended!” –Quiggle

“Sonia, wait — you’ve got it all wrong! Mary Worth storylines can’t resolve themselves so soon! We’ve got to stuff this ludicrous conservative-father-meets-hitherto-unknown-liberal-daughter narrative full of cliches (nice peace sign on your knapsack, by the way) every day for the next, what, two months? Three years? Whatever. Also we have to do it all over again on weekends — but slower.” –Michael Beaumier

“OK, but let’s not sleep on the fact that Slylock’s very expensive custom helicopter is slower than a car from the 1950s. He should have listened to the engineers warning him that huge fox tail would wreak havoc on the aerodynamics.” –Schroduck

“The Lockhorns are spiteful and sad creatures, so they should be on Twitter, not Instagram.” –Ettorre

“NOW we know why Chip always has his hair covering his eyes: because he has freakish conjoined sclera like Sonic the damn Hedgehog.” –lo, on BlueSky

“Gina is of course completely done with this shit. She’s thinking, ‘As the only likable character in this strip, am I not way overdue for a spinoff?’” –matt w

“Let the peasants have their crime done in the shadows of tall building and sodium-vapor streetlights. The rich will risk the heist so long as it’s done under pristine moonlight, on top of the hill over the layer of city smog. It’s the only way to live (and possibly die).” –Philip

“I can think of few things more menacing than a small boy plotting the revival of 1950s borscht-belt insult comedy.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“Sarge’s emotional journey in these two panels is quite something to behold. P1: Dogs are good. I love dogs. You got that right, Otto; they sure ARE man’s best friend. I see nothing ominous about the way you phrased that or trailed off. P2: My dog likes girls?! What the fuck?” –Violet

“When last we saw Mary, she was two startled eyes peering over this man-mountain’s shoulder, but here’s the thing: we never saw her leave. So … she’s still there, right? She’s been there the whole time … right? Setting out a lovely fruit bowl while Sonia raves about ‘the man,’ lovingly packaging up the rest of the tuna casserole while Keith splutters over his root beer, and now sitting juuuuust off-panel, staring intently as Keith does an internet. ‘I must see this through to the end,’ she thinks. ‘Hell, it’s either this or listening to Wilbur’s latest nonsense, and frankly, I just don’t have that in me today.’” –els

“‘I consider myself the man of your dreams.’ ‘You’re out in public incongruously naked, talking to a bird with hair and breasts who is drinking motor oil out of a wine glass. You’re the one dreaming, and I recommend a good shrink when you wake up.’” –nescio

“Why is the reverend looking at us? Why is he looking at us with a wistful expression? Has he actually hacked my computer’s webcam?” –BeckoningChasm

“I’m just trying to figure out what they’re watching this racy content on? Broadcast TV? But that wouldn’t be that racy. Cable? But isn’t the point that the Hootin’ Holler is isolated from everywhere, so cable wouldn’t reach them? Broadband? Please. The only conclusion is that their neighbors are inside the TV performing a particularly obscene puppet show version of When Harry Met Sally.” –Lawyerbob

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Gasoline Alley, 10/20/23

If you were thinking that nothing could make this seemingly interminable talking bear story even more pointless and irritating, you were wrong, because I regret to inform you that Rufus and Joel, Gasoline Alley’s two most pointless and irritating characters (which is really saying something), are now involved. I do have to admit that Joel’s comment about the snake really makes you think. Say, kids [turns chair around and sits astride it, adopting the open and cheerful affect of a youth pastor], do you know what the original interminable, pointless, and irritating story that had some random talking animals in it was? That’s right: the Holy Bible. Hey, where are you going? Don’t you kids like comics?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/20/23

Speaking of pastors, we all know that Parson Tuttle is a fraud who likes to yuck it up with local criminal Snuffy Smith about his sins, but I still find it surprising that the two men are watching some R-rated show or movie full of swear words in front of his wife. I guess she’s probably happy that he’s finally spending time with her?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/20/23

Ha ha, this seems like a fun way to find out that June has been complicit with Rene’s various crimes! Will he have a chance to turn state’s evidence on her, or will her agents arrange for him to die in brawl in the jail cafeteria before he ever goes to trial?

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Shoe, 10/19/23

I’ve complained about this before, but Shoe has a long-established setting where the various bird characters get drunk and hit on one another, and it’s the fern bar, so seeing them drinking and smoking and flirting at Roz’s Diner in the middle of the day seems off to me. Since the primary audience for this strip, like all newspaper comic strips, is vaguely disgruntled baby boomers, it’s possible that this is supposed to be a commentary on the fact that everyone is “working” form home now and you can’t even enjoy a nice plate of meatloaf for lunch at your local greasy spoon without having to watch a bunch of kids who make “apps” for a living get drunk and try to have sex with each other, which is probably why they’re charging so much for the meatloaf these days. It’s also possible that the Shoe brain trust simply lost the image files for the fern bar background and they don’t feel like drawing it again.

Mary Worth, 10/19/23

I wonder if Keith is finding his ex using the same public data that led his secret daughter right to his apartment, or if he still has access to police databases that he’s wildly misusing? Either way, I’m not complaining, because it’s very funny seeing this guy with cartoonishly beefy forearms daintily typing away on a little Macbook.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/19/23

Welp, it seems our Mud/Rene kidnapping plot really did just kind of end in the middle of the week, which means we have a few days to spend on the Morgans’ incredibly boring family life, I guess? These kids sound like a real handful; they’re probably too young for the Mirakle Method, but if you stick a screen playing “Li’l Fergus” videos in front of them, they’ll be lulled into ignorable silence at least.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/23

I think Beetle’s response here is kind of funny, as it’s fairly obvious that he’s sticking a pin in that doll and I assume Killer wants to know what he’s doing in a much bigger-picture sense. Anyway, I was going to do a whole riff about how it’s surprising that someone as lazy as Beetle was willing to put in the work to learn the cultural and spiritual practices of the voudou religion, but it turns out that so-called “voodoo dolls” aren’t used by practitioners of voudou in either Haiti or Louisiana, so I guess his laziness is still in full effect. I’m impressed that he somehow got a really accurate Sarge doll, though.