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Dick Tracy, 10/18/23

Oh no! Why would you build a huge wing on the back of your mansion that has an entirely glass ceiling? Why, you’re just asking for someone to break through it and steal all your rare books in a daring heist! I swear, people don’t do any basic defensibility research before engaging in massive building projects anymore.

Beetle Bailey, 10/18/23

What with all the changes in social mores and tolerance over the past 30 to 50 years or so, you, the typical Beetle Bailey reader, are probably concerned: is it possible that Otto, the famous army dog, is a homosexual? Well, worry no more! He’s as straight as they come, and is attracted to human women, which is, uh, fine? We’ll say it’s fine.

Shoe, 10/18/23

The Perfesser is all gakked out on uppers and is now begging his connection for a little something to mellow him out. Seems a little edgy for a talking bird comic but what do I know!

Dennis the Menace, 10/18/23

“But she’s really worked hard to improve for this performance, and you can tell the audience is responding to it! I’m proud of her!”

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Slylock Fox, 10/17/23

Ahh, an idyllic barnyard scene, featuring various animals relaxing and frolicking with one another, showing no sings of the advanced cognitive abilities necessary to, say, operate a helicopter or have strong opinions about the display and curation of antiquities. What changes might be in store? Could they have something to do with the official Slylock Fox Facebook account’s Word of the Day on Saturday, “Singularity: A hypothetical point in the future when technological growth becomes uncontrollable”? Are we left to imagine that most humans transcended physical form into pure digital energy when this Singularity occurred, leaving behind a few baffled or insane remnants like Count Weirdly and Slick Smitty, with the animals rising to fill the gap in our absence? Or did the technology accidentally enhance the animals instead, bringing them to our level and setting up an inevitable conflict that we lost? Much to think about.

Hi and Lois, 10/17/23

Speaking of change and transformation, it was just last month that we learned that Trixie was beginning to experience physical growth for the first time in her decades of existence. And now Chip has begun doing a chore than has hitherto been his father’s domain! Looks like the progression of linear time is finally catching up with the Flagstons, which is really too bad for them because it means they’ll probably all be dead soon.

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Dick Tracy, 10/16/23

Dick Tracy loves gadgets, of course, but I assume he’s bored and vaguely disgusted with fancy “forensics,” because they allows detectives to learn information about criminals with zero investigatory violence to speak of. But his face in panel three looks truly deranged, like a lot of horrible things are falling into place for him. “Fluids, eh? You’re telling me this fancy detecting machine needs bodily fluids from suspects in order to work? I bet I know how I can get some.”

Slylock Fox, 10/16/23

Today, as Cassandra attempts to liberate a plundered piece of cultural heritage and return it to the few remaining Egyptian humans left after the animalpocalypse, I find myself contemplating Slylock’s customized “Fox-Flyer” helicopter. Is it truly “his,” as the caption refers to it, meaning that he’s a private contractor who owns his own equipment, insisting on high fees from the Forest Kingdom’s treasury in order to provide the law enforcement capacity that the state lacks? Or is he a public servant with enough clout that he demands the government pay for a series of whimsically fox-themed devices that enhance his personal brand? Either way, it seems he has more in common with his supposed enemy Count Weirdly than he would care to admit.

Hi and Lois, 10/16/23

This is great. The whole Flagston family is angry and sad! That’s the joke!

The Lockhorns, 10/16/23

You guys, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you: THE LOCKHORNS ARE MILLENNIALS