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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Twice a year, I host a fundraiser to augment Josh’s income from the lucrative standup-comedy business, and thank him for the time, effort, and talent he puts into the Comics Curmudgeon every day. What’s that you say? “Yes, yes Uncle Lumpy, we pretty much know the drill by now, but what’s this ‘crawlspace’ business?”

Well asked! It turns out that however stylish and comfortable it may be, Josh’s and Amber’s new digs in L.A. are a little, um, compact. So some of the treasures left over from fundraisers of yore went into storage, under the house. Check it out:

What kind of treasures? Well, Comics Curmudgeon tote bags, for one:

And classic Rex Morgan, M.D., Judge Parker, and Mary Worth refrigerator magnets handmade by superfan Matt Crowe, for two:

Now, those treasures are coming out! Every contributor of $5 or more will receive a legacy comic magnet from this lovingly curated (and carefully preserved) collection. And contributors of $25 or more will receive both a magnet and a stylish and highly collectible tote bag! Finally, every contributor of any amount will receive the grateful thanks of Josh, me, the entire worldwide Comics Curmudgeon fan base, and posterity.

To contribute by credit card or PayPal, click the banner at the top of the page and follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. To contribute by check or money order, email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll reply with an address. Full details here.

As an added treat, I’ve dug through my own personal crawlspace (don’t ask) to select all-time best fundraising banners — more than 100 in all from the past seven years — now in rotation at the top of the page. Enjoy revisiting beloved characters from the past, or see the index on the “full details” page for even more time-wastin’ fun.

Thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 4/20/15

I won’t try to update you on recent goings-on in Apartment 3-G, because, well, let’s just say Josh’s theory that the strip has become a livestream of Margo’s psychotic delusions seems as good as any. This new guy/hallucination is either some jerk who’s been pranking Margo on the streets for a few months, or one of her string of unfortunate lovers stretching back to the Kennedy administration, and there is NO WAY I’m implying that those two are mutually exclusive. Maybe in Margo’s fevered imagination President Kennedy himself has come back from the dead to prank her on the streets, I wouldn’t rule it out. Quite the card, that Jack — and lookin’ pretty sharp for a man of 97.

Gasoline Alley, 4/20/15

Like everybody, I just knew when a custodian named “Gus Todian” showed up, he would pepper Mrs. “Trace Me” Hatley and the rest of us with pointless and annoying wordplay. But “vegetablearian” had me stumped until I realized it was an attempt to force “veterinarian” in there, as though veterinarians, or for that matter midwives, help out after insects hatch. From their eggs. Just shut up and go get Jetpack the wetvac, Gus — slurp up those nymphs mighty quick.

Judge Parker, 4/20/15

Long, long ago — decades before his New Year’s Day 2000 wedding to Abbey Spencer — Sam was the badass in this strip. He was a detective, then, doing the tough, messy work stuffy neither Judge Alan nor that effete smartass Randy had the stones or the competence to do themselves. But consigliere or not, it’s the Parkers’ name on the strip, and Sam will never be family.

Now, while Alan and Randy jet off to jungle compounds to quaff Cristal with willowy assassins and international arms merchants, Sam squats in this washed-out squirrel-infested trailer park, nursing his diminishing stores of supermarket plonk, ignoring his shrieking, entitled daughter, and picking fights with the likes of Dalton here and his meaty comrades. I wouldn’t go pointing that finger, Dalton — our boy’s having a very bad day.

–Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, 4/19/15

Never mind the deceptively delicate “sent to look for dangerous things” mission description — this is a hardened, deadly battle-drone that forces Beetle to reveal himself as a pacifist shirker or die. Deftly, Beetle inserts a brief viral message into the drone’s code, a vision of happy indolence — to live in the midst of an army, yet be far removed from the exertions and terrors of war. The drone is immediately and completely disarmed. Asymmetric warfare, indeed!

Beetle is thus exposed as a subversive menace and an imminent threat to our armed forces. I’m counting on Sarge to crush him. At least a couple times, this week.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/19/15

Say, didn’t we just finish “petulant writer gets the chance of a lifetime in Hollywood and whines about it the whole time”? Why yes we did. So why are we sending in the B team? And will we never, ever be free of Starbuck Jones? Didn’t John Carter teach Hollywood that old-timey science fiction is a bore and a money pit?

I do like the “handsome actor drives around mumbling incoherently” bit, although that car should definitely be a Lincoln.

Prince Valiant, 4/19/15

Nearing home, Aleta reflects, “Sure, girls, you can always enslave your enemies. But take it from Mom, it’s much easier just to straight-up crucify them. Oops ha-ha, I mean ‘peg’ them to ‘posts.'”

Val thinks, “Uh-oh, wife’s in one of her moods again. Hmm, maybe I can help out in the galley for a while.”

— Uncle Lumpy