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Dick Tracy, 4/18/15

Long experience tells me that when an odd name like ABE ONGO shows up in Dick Tracy, it’s probably an anagram. I’m going with “BEAN GOO.”

And aww, Dick has tender feelings about old-timey public libraries. Let’s see if they survive his trudge past racks of DVDs and cadres of porn-surfers, searching in vain for anything that remotely resembles a book. Hey, Dick, get with the times — it’s a library, not a museum.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/18/15

Writers are saints, producers are monsters, and readers are fools. Enjoy your treasured Funky Winkerbean comic strip, ladies and gentlemen!

Marvin, 4/18/15

I sure hope this isn’t a crossover, because I do not need Ed Crankshaft poop jokes.

Hi there! Josh is off on his annual Southwestern sojourn, so I’m sitting in until the 28th. You can reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net if you encounter any site issues. Enjoy!

–Uncle Lumpy

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Augh! Guys, apologies, but here’s a kind of truncated COTW post — been a crazy last couple days and haven’t harvested as many as usual. Still, this one’s pretty funny?

“Frogs can’t grow hair. The feminine eyelashes are false, put in to adhere to the Easily Identifiable Animal Genders act of 1947.” –Enlong

And so are these runners up!

“I like how the Perfesser breaks the fourth wall there, staring directly at the reader. ‘My misery is your entertainment. Laugh it up now because soon you’ll be the one in the chair.'” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“If anyone’s starting an ‘Abbey Raises An Eyebrow’ Tumblr, today’s your lucky day. CONTENT JACKPOT.” –Dan

“‘Ooops … It slipped!’ [Blonde bully girl character keys car] ‘Still slipping!’ [Pokes out tires] ‘My hands are very sweaty today!’ [Begins to stab Kelly and chauffeur repeatedly in stomachs]” –Jack loves comics

“‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Wood’ is exactly the sort of thing a giant Emerald Ash Borer hiding inside a human lady skin would say.” –Jym the Wildlife Man

“Ralph is going to send a message to the city’s politicians: your assumption that the people of this city are apathetic and powerless and can be safely ignored is entirely accurate.” –Nekrotzar

“Our plugger friend here doesn’t even has his computer turned on. That’s how much of a shit he doesn’t give about this job. The people on the Pistachio Advisory Council will certainly fire him after they learn of this.” –Joe Blevins

“What the hell does a plugger tweet about? ‘Remember when we used to call twitter the bathroom wall?’ and ‘Just found out what Lovin’ Spoonful really meant & it’s not coffee grouds.Yuck LOL’ and ‘Just ate ham sammidge, contemplated own mortality.'” –Lily Sincere

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here. Uncle Lumpy is coming! Be good to him!

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Shoe, 5/17/15

This is your occasional reminder that the owners of the intellectual property rights to the Blondie comic strip attempted to make a Dagwood Sandwiches restaurant chain happen, and it all ended in lawsuits and acrimony.

Gasoline Alley and Mark Trail, 5/17/15

This is your occasional reminder that there are thousands — millions — of insects, and they’re coming — they’re coming for you and your livelihood. They’re crawling everywhere. And who’s going to stop them? The government? You believe their promises? Fools, you’re all fools!

Hey, guys, I’m going on vacation! Uncle Lumpy will be here slingin’ jokes while I gallivant about. So be nice! I’ll be back on the 29th, assuming the insects haven’t devoured us all by then! (The insects will definitely have devoured us all.)