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Apartment 3-G, 3/16/15

This week’s Apartment 3-G is slightly more firmly grounded in reality than last week’s James Bond-ian insanity. I mean, a modern young woman in New York getting into making strawberry jam in her apartment? Sure! Lots of younger people are reclaiming the labor-intensive food prep processes of their grandparents’ era as a hobby! A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel? Uh, sure, that could happen, I guess? I seem to remember during the Martin vs. Bobbie storyline that Bobbie was weirdly convinced that Martin was into Lu Ann, I think because they were hanging around with each other socially for some reason. A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel while wearing a pink suit jacket over a white turtleneck? Look, I … I can’t explain everything, OK?

Family Circus, 3/16/15

Man, Mommy sure seems depressed about how excited Dolly is. “Mommy, everything in these diaries up until this has been straight-up garbage! When will I meet the man who will give my life meaning?”

B.C., 3/16/15

Ha ha, that would be a derogatory thing to call a women’s restroom! Say, what are the female characters in this strip named, again?

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Panels from Apartment 3-G, 3/15/15

Oh, good, mystery mostly solved! Last movie Skyler was the Bond girl, but this movie she’s the villain! That’s totally a thing that would happen in real life. Anyway, between these panels she demonstrates her character’s trademark villanous move, where she makes her face melt and elongate so as to disguise herself from MI6.

Panels from Hagar the Horrible, 3/15/15

As an inhabitant of a largely illiterate society, Lucky Eddie sees writing as a form of dark magic and regards it with a mixture of anger, fear, and awe.

Mary Worth, 3/15/15

YES

GORDON HAS FINALLY SPOKEN WORDS ALOUD AND ISN’T STARING DIRECTLY AT A SCREEN OF SOME SORT

AND MARY WORTH HAS FINALLY BROUGHT THE WORLD THE PEACE DREAMED OF BY MAHATMA GANDHI

TRULY THIS IS THE MOST SATISFYING ENDING FOR THIS STORYLINE WE COULD IMAGINE

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Archie, 3/14/15

Hey, kids, here’s a perfect formula for a pop culture themed comic strip!

1. Map a commonly recognized concept from pop culture onto a vaguely analogous situation
2. Have a comical bald fat man say “These [pop culture element] have really gotten out of hand!” while flop-sweating
3. Rerun in newspapers across the country roughly 15 years after the joke has stopped being relevant

Apartment 3-G, 3/14/15

There was an Apartment 3-G earlier this week where Margo threatened to crush her beloved assistant Sam beneath her boot-heel like the lowly worm that he is, and I didn’t even discuss it here because I figured there was more where that came from! How wrong I was. Somehow between yesterday and today Margo decided Skyler did something wrong and then chewed her out about it and humiliated her but retained enough emotional control over the situation to then forgive her and make it seem magnanimous! What exactly was she mad about? Was it because Skyler was shooting off her mouth about her big news before Margo was able to come up with a Publicity Action Plan? I love that her punishment is that Margo will refuse to even start thinking about publicizing this exciting career development for several more days. I’m sure the studio will feel warmly about all of this!

Dennis the Menace, 3/14/15

What’s a sadder way to think about this: that Dennis childishly dreams that one day he’ll be an adult and can be a contemporary to his parents when they’re still young and vital, or that Dennis is a comics character, trapped forever in a single moment, doomed to never age to adulthood no matter how much he wants to? Oh, is the saddest thing immediately coming up with two separate and distinct really depressing readings of a Dennis the Menace comic, without trying? Yeah, that’s probably it.

Mark Trail, 3/14/15

“We’ve been invited to a friend’s house!”

“Oh, have our friend and his girlfriend decided to form a legally recognized pair bond yet?”

[THEY MASH THEIR FACES TOGETHER]

“No, they have not! Our pair bond is still the best! Ha ha! We’re in love, like normal humans!”

[HE TOUCHES HER NOSE EROTICALLY]