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Grim Thursday quickies

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/19/15

Funky Winkerbean would like to remind you that life is a desperate scramble for status, and that those who fail to properly credential themselves will find themselves forever resigned to tenuous and economically marginal jobs.

Wizard of Id, 2/19/15

Wizard of Id would like to remind you that control over life and death is at the root of all political authority, and that socially sanctioned murder is the dearest fantasy of those in power.

Mark Trail, 2/19/15

Mark Trail would like to remind you that you can be duped and held at gunpoint by your closest friend, live in terror of your life for days, see a man blown to bits in an explosion, and have your company’s finances thrown into disarray, and just walk back to your office like nothing happened, like the world’s the same as it ever was! Don’t worry, some good press in Woods and Wildlife Magazine will smooth this whole thing over.

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Walker-Browne Amalgamated Existentialist Hell LLC

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Hi and Lois, 2/18/15

“Why are there three marks?” Hi asked, his smile tight, and fake. Trixie — well, you couldn’t expect her to know. Obviously. But Lois … well, surely Lois knew, right? Surely Lois knew that Chip had been in high school for decades, that Dot and Ditto had been locked in just-prepubescent sibling rivalry eternally, never moving to the next stage. Surely she knew Trixie wasn’t getting any bigger. None of them was ever going to change, or end, or begin anew.

Mary Worth, 2/18/15

“Why wouldn’t she react well to the news? She’s gaining me, a man who she’s never met and who’s only been romantically involved with her mother briefly, as someone who refers to himself as her father!” I hope you all appreciate what a fantastically solid Mary Worth storyline we have going right now, guys.

Spider-Man, 2/18/15

“I just wanted to grab on to this flying, rapidly spinning circular saw blOW OW OW OW OW OW OW”

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Northern COPYCATS

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Momma, 2/17/15

Momma has long been weirdly fascinated by parliamentary democracies like our neighbor to the north, which, I mean, so am I, so I can’t blame the strip for that. But this nonsense shall not stand. This Heritage Day business. First of all, in most of Canada it’s just called “Family Day,” and the whole thing only started in 1990, in Alberta, and has slowly spread to other provinces since. The holiday is called “Louis Riel Day” in Manitoba and “Islander Day” in Prince Edward Island; the only place it’s called “Heritage Day” is in Nova Scotia, and it was literally celebrated there yesterday for the very first time ever. Meanwhile, Presidents Day (or, as it’s more properly known as a Federal holiday, Washington’s Birthday), has been a U.S. holiday since 1879. So which ally is copying which, Behattèd Ladies Club Member? Hmmm?

Mary Worth, 2/17/15

Having pointedly refused to invite her own daughter to her wedding or even tell her about it, Hanna has decided to spring the news on Amy by demanding help moving into her new husband’s apartment. She is truly giving a master class in stone cold not giving a shit.

Six Chix, 2/17/15

These cows sure are going to miss that bull! He wasn’t the sharpest guy, but he was great at sex.