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Hi and Lois, 2/18/15

“Why are there three marks?” Hi asked, his smile tight, and fake. Trixie — well, you couldn’t expect her to know. Obviously. But Lois … well, surely Lois knew, right? Surely Lois knew that Chip had been in high school for decades, that Dot and Ditto had been locked in just-prepubescent sibling rivalry eternally, never moving to the next stage. Surely she knew Trixie wasn’t getting any bigger. None of them was ever going to change, or end, or begin anew.

Mary Worth, 2/18/15

“Why wouldn’t she react well to the news? She’s gaining me, a man who she’s never met and who’s only been romantically involved with her mother briefly, as someone who refers to himself as her father!” I hope you all appreciate what a fantastically solid Mary Worth storyline we have going right now, guys.

Spider-Man, 2/18/15

“I just wanted to grab on to this flying, rapidly spinning circular saw blOW OW OW OW OW OW OW”

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Momma, 2/17/15

Momma has long been weirdly fascinated by parliamentary democracies like our neighbor to the north, which, I mean, so am I, so I can’t blame the strip for that. But this nonsense shall not stand. This Heritage Day business. First of all, in most of Canada it’s just called “Family Day,” and the whole thing only started in 1990, in Alberta, and has slowly spread to other provinces since. The holiday is called “Louis Riel Day” in Manitoba and “Islander Day” in Prince Edward Island; the only place it’s called “Heritage Day” is in Nova Scotia, and it was literally celebrated there yesterday for the very first time ever. Meanwhile, Presidents Day (or, as it’s more properly known as a Federal holiday, Washington’s Birthday), has been a U.S. holiday since 1879. So which ally is copying which, Behattèd Ladies Club Member? Hmmm?

Mary Worth, 2/17/15

Having pointedly refused to invite her own daughter to her wedding or even tell her about it, Hanna has decided to spring the news on Amy by demanding help moving into her new husband’s apartment. She is truly giving a master class in stone cold not giving a shit.

Six Chix, 2/17/15

These cows sure are going to miss that bull! He wasn’t the sharpest guy, but he was great at sex.

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Family Circus, 2/16/15

On Presidents Day, Billy pays lip service to the fact that we live in a democratic republic with an elected chief executive, but his thumbs-down gesture reveals his true desires: to be an autocratic Roman Emperor, with the power to dish out life and death in the gladiatorial arena and indeed anywhere else on his whim.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/16/15

I’m not entirely sure what the joke here is supposed to be, so I’m going to assume it’s that Bull hasn’t had this day set aside in advance at all, and the jerk-off motion he’s making in panel three signals his contempt both for Enormous Midwest University and the concept of making lesson plans in advance.

Shoe, 2/16/15

Not sure what’s grimmer here: the fact that a discussion of torture’s legality is falling under the heading of “current events,” or the horror that Sklyer just inadvertently revealed about his home life.

Gil Thorp, 2/16/15

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: MAX BACON™ WILL BE TAKING WHAT HE THINKS IS ADDERALL BUT IT WILL JUST TURN OUT TO BE SUGAR PILLS

BUT HE’LL PLAY BETTER DUE TO THE PLACEBO EFFECT

IT’LL BE JUST LIKE DUMBO’S MAGIC FEATHER

EXCEPT MAX WON’T FLY, OBVIOUSLY

ALSO ADULTS WILL FIND OUT AND NOBODY WILL BE MAD, FOR SOME REASON