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You thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you? Well, I didn’t. A full week of 2015 blogging is under my belt and here’s last week’s top comment:

“Hey kids! Do you want to be a detective like Slylock? Lick today’s comic, and you’ll be able to taste the salty seawater too! And be sure to lick every single Slylock comic strip you see from now on, whether it’s in the paper or on your monitor. You’ll help solve mysteries! What? You don’t want to? I guess you like crime. Have fun in jail.” –made of wince

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Uh, Les, you actually can keep Christmas in your heart all year long, even if — and this is a crucial distinction here — you don’t literally have a Christmas tree in your living room. You see, the word ‘heart’ has taken on a metaphorical … aw, forget it.” –Joe Blevins

“…oh, and feathers, I suppose. Not sure why I would forget about the feathers. It’s like … like we’re not ‘supposed’ to have them, somehow? I dunno. It’s just one of those things. Like beaks. The other day I made a play on words involving our ‘lips’ and only now it occurs to me that I don’t think I’ve seen lips on any living thing, ever. Eh. I’ll try not thinking about that stuff now.” –Lenoxus

“My teenage daughters are always talking on the phone. Luckily, i spend my afternoons in a bar, so I don’t have to concern myself with anything they have to say.” –BigTed

Judge Parker: “I assume these boxed mashed potatoes are not the instant potato flakes you and I would buy, but, rather, actual mashed potatoes, prepared by Top Chef winner Bryan Voltaggio, then vacuum-sealed in a top-secret process that allows them to be boxed, sold, and shipped around the world. Sam and Abbey get them delivered free each week, because … well, even they don’t remember. They just do.” –bbofun

“Two kids working together for a decent wage? That smacks of unionism, and Ed is not having it.” –pugfuggly

“Twelve bottles, two people, three days … my God, Abby, we might have to drink water! Like commoners! And fish! And common fish!” –Voshkod

“By 2020, ‘The Funnies’ will have been replaced as a heading by ‘The Psychosexually Horrifyings.'” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Actually, the heels might just be MaryLou’s way of amplifying the height difference between her and her mother in order to impress and intimidate. Clearly, she spent a lot of time thinking about how she’ll reveal her affair with a married man to her mother, how she’d nip the expected onslaught of (passive-)aggression in the bud by using techniques she learned on the Discovery Channel. Momma, however, throws MaryLou’s defenses off-kilter with a blasé witticism. Don’t look at us, MaryLou! Keep your eyes on your mother, because she’s about to strike!” –Alex Blaze

“Spider-Man, Spider-Man / watches TV like a lazy man / Without his wife, he’d be alone / Never learned how to silence his cell phone / Look out! Wherever there’s a loose brick, / or a pipe wielding thug named Rick / You’ll find unconscious Spider-Man!” –rbmalpha

“Like June Morgan, I also wear my wedding ring on my middle finger. That way, when I give my wife the finger, it has so much more depth and meaning.” –Lily Sincere

“I wonder how much Google is paying Spider-Man to advertise the fact that he owns an iPhone.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“Any contract between Sarah Morgan and her parents must surely end in the word ‘cornfield.'” –seismic-2

“I’m intrigued and disturbed by the fact that the moon seems to be spreading inky blackness rather than light. Garbage Ape is not pleased, Heathcliff. Garbage Ape is not pleased.” –Cthulhu Gnu

“In a way, I’m impressed that Spider-Man’s phone works. I thought he would have dodged this bullet because he’d been too lazy to recharge it.” –Droopy Says

“‘I just fell off the Empire State Building but I’m okay’ is the new lunch selfie on Instagram.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Heathcliff, 1/9/15

For a town where sanitation is so important to the local psyche that it has inspired a local simian trickster-god, Westfinster’s trash situation is actually kind of out of hand. Nobody ever seems to actually put their garbage inside bags like civilized people; instead, organic matter is just packed into metal cans and apparently left there long enough to become a more or less homogenous slurry. Today we see that this repulsive garbage-goo comes in brown and green varieties, possibly as a result of an ill-advised attempt to implement a composting system.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/9/15

Clovis’s main schtick in this strip is to be the third-string character who has a rocky relationship with his wife, but I find today’s strip particularly poignant. His marriage may be troubled, but at least his wife hasn’t strayed — and yet he actually looks distraught by this fact. Perhaps something as obvious as an affair would be what was needed to convince them to finally give up on their painful union; mere emotional incompatibility isn’t enough, as much as it’s destroying them emotionally.

Momma, 1/9/15

Today’s Momma features the usual Momma-Francis infantilization routine amped up to truly uncomfortable levels and manages to slip a fart joke in as well, but at least we can give thanks for the fact that breast-feeding was out of vogue for middle class families when Francis was a baby.

Spider-Man, 1/9/15

OK, fine, it was probably a little harsh for me to say it was stupid for Spider-Man to go around fighting crime with his cell phone on his person, since smartphones are incredibly useful objects for communication, wayfinding, and tracking down info fast. But still, the practical question remained: where would he keep his phone in his skintight costume? Well, today we learn the answer! (He keeps it right next to his balls.)

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/9/15

“Only good things have happened to me so only good things can happen to me! I’m on a nonstop rocketride to the moon, emotionally! For a little kid, I sure never have heard of what happens to characters in Greek tragedies who exhibit hubris!”

Pluggers, 1/9/15

You’re a plugger if one of your Facebook friends died more than a year ago but nobody’s bothered to tell you.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/8/15

FOOLISH MORTALS! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BIND SARAH MORGAN WITH WORDS ON PAPER? SARAH MORGAN WHO IS DIFFERENT AND BETTER THAN US, SARAH MORGAN WHO BENDS THE MINDS OF MEN AND WOMEN TO HER WILL WITHOUT ANY EFFORT? WHAT MEANING DO THESE SCRIBBLINGS HAVE WHEN SARAH’S NAME HAS ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN IN HER OWN FIERY BLOOD ON THE PAGES OF ETERNITY

Spider-Man, 1/8/15

Not sure, which is more stupid and yet wholly believable in the context of this strip: that Mary Jane would keep her cell phone on her person while filming a movie dressed in a skin-tight superhero costume, or that Spider-Man would carry his around while doing business as an actual superhero.

Heathcliff, 1/8/15

Heathcliff’s owner-lady is so strict in imposing her Victorian sensibilities on all speech-capable beings in her household that they’re forced to bowdlerize even the final, terrified pleas they squeak out just before their bloody death.

Dennis the Menace, 1/8/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis the Dennis the Menace creative team thinks kids talk to each other on the phone!