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Apartment 3-G, 8/28/14

Ah, Tommie’s Parade of Paramours marches on – today it’s IT Gary, whom Tommie didn’t find so robotic back in the day:

Apartment 3-G, 12/4/07 (panel)

The background on this baffles me a little – is Gary just not that into her?

Anyway, Tommie and Gary got pretty serious until Gary pulled up stakes and headed for Colorado in search of IT fulfillment, expecting Tommie to follow. She didn’t, because as Margo helpfully explained to her at the time, “You don’t even SKI!” These days, of course, people visit Colorado for all kinds of reasons other than IT and skiing. Which raises the question of how Tommie would act if she went to Colorado and got really, really wasted — like Maureen Dowd wasted. I think she’d probably spin around the room with a vacant expression on her face, getting into endless, pointless conversations with her roommate Carol.

Archie, 8/28/14

Ooh, menace points for the little scamp in Archie. But is this even a thing people do any more? In California where I live, state agencies and TV newscasters encourage people to turn in their water-wasting neighbors for fines and reëducation; we have camps. There’s even an app to make shaming them more convenient. So it’s more likely somebody would write “Thanks” on a dusty car, and “Don’t waste water” in mud on a perfectly clean one. And then get fined for wasting water to make mud.

Gil Thorp, 8/28/14

Hey it’s Marty Moon! Marty takes a lot of grief here for being a pissy little alcoholic failure. And while that’s 100% accurate, credit him for being the only voice in Milford to call Gil on all the B.S. he dishes out in lieu of doing his damn job. Sure, right now it’s looking good with the 7-man practice of all against all and Sa’ad Shamoun’s muscle mass, but wait ’til mid-season when he pulls out the Wing-T or 5-wide or some nonsense and everybody mutters, “Sure, Coach.” Right now, though, it’s the first day of school, and Gil has other things on his mind – that enormous stein of coffee isn’t going to drink itself, you know.

Gasoline Alley, 8/28/14

The team at Gasoline Alley wishes to remind its readers that while “real life” may be where you live, it is most definitely not where they live.

And while we’re on the topic of gasoline: you can just see it on the poor guy’s face — “How, oh how can I possibly afford all this costly fuel?”

Faithful Comics Curmudgeon readers can think of a way!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Spider-Man, 8/27/14

“B-but if I’m busy taking pictures for Jameson, how will I be able to keep an eye on Dr. Octopus? Think, Peter — think!”

Mary Worth, 8/27/14

As word of the Kapuht scandal spreads, Santa Royale Hospital quickly dragoons Dr. Drew Corey — son of Mary’s long-suffering paramour Jeff and no stranger to talking out of both sides of his mouth — to handle damage control. “Dr. Kapuht? Oh, are we still talking about that? Well, certainly, he did lose a patient on the operating table, and, yes, he was found using heroin. But there is absolutely no reason to believe these two are related in any way. For example, suppose he hadn’t been found out — do you seriously think the outcome would have been any different? And isn’t this all proof that the system works? Now let’s all put this unfortunate incident behind us, stop interfering with poor Dr. Kapuht’s recovery, and let the family grieve!”

Phantom, 8/27/14

Wow, team Phantom seems to be going through a dark period lately. Two days out of their multi-month tale of torture, extralegal rendition, and more torture, they had Barker here shoot an innocent homeless man in the head to impress “Shotgun”, his partner in a planned hijacking. Now the pair run from the crime scene with Barker waving the murder weapon and Shotgun indulging in the kind of twisted Phantom-logic that makes people run toward murderous armed lunatics.

Or maybe these utterances are linked more tightly than it appears? Shotgun: “That was murder — for what?” Barker: “Ha, ha — because you get a free drink, buddy, that’s what!” Shotgun: “Wow, I like free drinks – guess I’ll stick around!”

Call me old-fashioned, but I think Savarna did cold-blooded murder with a little more grace.

The second leg of The Road West runs from Asheville (shown) to Memphis — maybe even as far as Little Rock. New information and pictures posted if/when they arrive. Don’t forget those generous donations!

And stick around for the free drinks!

— Uncle Lumpy

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As is now widely known, Josh Fruhlinger — the Comics Curmudgeon, who has singlehandedly kept newspaper comics fresh and funny for more than a decade — is at this moment moving his family and earthly possessions to Los Angeles, there to build a new life in the entertainment industry.

I’m sure you remember alternating moments of elation and terror from big risks you’ve taken in your own life, and how much it meant when people reached out to you with expressions of encouragement and support. Well, here’s your chance: whenever PayPal registers a generous contribution from a Comics Curmudgeon reader, it sends a notification to Josh’s phone. My goal for the Westward Bound! fundraiser is to keep that iPhone pinging through the long hours as the Curmudgeon Caravan draws ever closer to its goal in America’s Golden West. It’s easy to contribute, and the fact of your thoughtfulness matters far more than the amount. Take a minute right now!

To contribute by PayPal or credit card: Click the banner and follow the instructions at the secure PayPal site. You don’t need a PayPal account — major credit cards are fine.

To send a check by mail: click here to send me an email — I’ll reply with an address for your check, cash, or money order. Remember, it’s a new address – please don’t use the old one. Check this page for complete details.

Thank you, generous reader!

Follow along on Josh’s magical adventure with the Westward Bound! series of old-timey postcards, a progress map, and occasional updates from the road:

The movers have come and gone, and Josh and Amber are on the road — in Mark Trail country. Today’s destination is Asheville, North Carolina – gateway to the Great Smoky Mountains, and 11th largest city in North Carolina. It’s a beautiful but strenuous drive – wish ’em luck! Send ’em money!

— Uncle Lumpy

PS. This page has a helpful index to the 70+ banners for this fundraiser, and more than 500 running all the way back to 2008. Enjoy!