Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/23/14
Rachel Rabbit’s attempt to “make it rain” for Slylock has failed, as the chaste fox refuses to remove so much as a single glove, and haughtily returns her offering instead.
Momma, 2/23/14
Momma has decided to stop pretending her younger son isn’t a moron for purposes of motivation or kindness or anything else, really.
Pluggers, 2/22/14
“Reflective” is not usually a term we normally associate with pluggers, but you have to admit that there appears to be a certain amount of self-reflection going through this plugger-cat’s mind as he stares at his pill container. Self-reflection and regret. “Boy, reefer and LSD sure seemed real scary back in college,” he thinks. “Seemed real important to keep away. These things are safer. That’s what they tell you. The government says so, so I guess it must be true. D’you think the guys who smoked grass are taking any more of these pills today than I am? Or the gals?” He thinks about a girl from his junior year, who had been in his math class — he never was very good at math, and she used to help him with some of the problem sets sometimes — and how he saw her at that party, and she smiled when she saw him and tried to hand him a doobie, or whatever they called it, and he stuttered and made an excuse and left, then avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the semester. What do you suppose she was up to? Did she have a daily pill organizer too? Did she ever get married? Was she on the Facebook? What was her name, again?
Blondie, 2/22/14
Blondie has been serving up non-stop Olympics jokes pretty much since the Games started, each cornier and more Olympo-sycophantic than the last, to the extent that I’m now just completely assuming that a fair amount of money changed hands between the International Olympic Committee and whatever Cayman Islands holding corporation owns the rights to Blondie’s intellectual property.
Hagar the Horrible, 2/22/14
It’s Hagar the Horrible! He’s just like you, except that he lives in a anarchic, violent, Hobbesian hellscape.
Hey there everyone! Your comment of the week shortly, but first a quick note that if you are in Baltimore or are Baltimore-adjacent tomorrow, why not come see me perform in Everybody All The Time, a delightful variety show at the Windup Space in Station North where I will be performing. I am authorized to tell you that I will be unveiling my new character there, Gary the Emotionally Fragile Substitute Yoga Instructor. If that doesn’t put butts in seats, what will?
You can stay in your current seat and still enjoy the comment of the week, of course:
“Ugh, you take us from Tommy straight to Tommie? What a cruel, disappointing arc.” –John Small Berries
And the runners up! Very funny!
“You’d think Plato would be a bit more optimistic, since today was the day when Sarge finally inspired him to mop the sky.” –Tophat
Rex Morgan, M.D.: “The very future of the museum is riding on the assumption that a five year old is going to produce, in four weeks, a book of drawings that is going to generate the necessary revenue, and/or that watching said five year old produce said book will produce additional revenue via increased attendance. If Sarah is actually able to pull this off, her arrogance will grow from merely grotesque to super-human proportions. She will be unstoppable!” –Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
“They were giving things away. I normally don’t get flu shots, but they were free, so I got twelve!” –Pozzo
“Still I admire Reeky’s spirit. He could have claimed to have just got out of jail, something that Slylock might have at least had to check. But our Reeky keeps it classy. ‘Call Queen Elizabeth. She’ll vouch for me. Here, let me give you her cell number.'” –Aviatrix
“If there was ever an underwhelmed reaction to a sudden bear attack, it’s that man reading the paper. ‘Oh man, a bear? Given the statistics, I always figured it would be car crash or a cardiac episode. Well, let’s get this over with…'” –pugfuggly
“As Mother Earth’s creation, I must touch her. I just hope She can feel me through this two-foot thick slab of concrete and all the plumbing and infrastructure that must lie beneath it. Like the Princess and the Pea, y’know? Feel that, Mother Earth? THEM’S MAH FEET!” –DownInTheValley
“Is this finally it? Are we finally at the story where Walt Wallet dies? Because I can definitely forgive the strip for the annoying New Years death fakeout if Walt is violently torn apart by a mob consisting of the types of people who still read newspapers.” –Roto13
Apartment 3-G: “You girls are going to love Jim! He’s such a dear! Wait … dear … dear … deer! OH MY GOD THE DEER I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO FEED IT FOR THE PAST WEEK THAT MUST BE SOURCE OF THE HORRIBLE STENCH IN MY CLOSET!!!” –Perky Bird
“That’s right, Snuffy, lie to yourself. It’s scary to admit your best friend was an inbred old baby man.” –Inkwell
“I love the way Gina’s mom, like all the other adults in this strip, stands in the background with a look that can mean nothing but that she’s thinking of what an asshole Dennis is.” –Dr. Mabuse
“Joey’s fear is misdirected. The noodles are his friends. That brown glop in the drinking glasses — the stuff that’s slowly eating away at the plastic straws? — that’s the Foreign Menace on this happy little table.” –jvwalt
“‘Wilbur will be there’ is Charterstone code for ‘Yes, I’m serving mayonnaise.'” –Dood
“You know, every time you think Funky Winkerbean is as depressing as it gets, it tosses out a little daily like this to remind you: all these people had the happiest days of their life in high school. And it was Westview High School.” –Chip Whittle
Luann: “Admittedly, it’s been a while since I was in high school, but isn’t prom typically at the end of the school year? We’re not going to be talking about prom all the way until May, are we? DEAR GOD, THE DITHERING.” –The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
“I prefer to think that Crankshaft’s Elderly Neighbor (Rose? Who cares, right?) is recoiling not from the sight of Crankshaft’s shriveled, naked penis, but the hail of gunfire that obviously follows.” –bunivasal
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