Metapost: Mic-droppin’ comments of the week!
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Happy Friday, all! As noted in my triumphant 10th anniversary post, I’m taking the next two weeks off, which means this’ll be the last COTW for a couple weeks, because Uncle Lumpy can’t bear to pick a favorite amongst all his nieces and nephews. I can, though! And this week, my favorite comment is this one:
“□ Six-month getaway in Italy
□ Romance with (putatively) hunky English pilot
□ Said pilot’s death
✔ Week torturing stranger by not disclosing that ‘baby’ = ‘fawn’” –pastordan
Which is not to say that the following runners up are not extremely funny, because they are!
“Good ol’ Momma, refusing to have sex on her first date with Hitler.” –Name?
“That’s not your ‘spider-sense’, it’s your ‘photographer-sense.’ C’mon, look through the viewfinder! Focus! Focus! it’s telling you, Arg, you’re taking pictures of the pavement!!” –pugfuggly
“I love Shoe’s looks of disgust in panels three and five. He’s essentially the stand-in for the reader. It’s as if the writer knows this is a lame-ass joke but just barrels through it while letting the reader know that it’s okay to not laugh.” –Shran
“I think Abbott would be a much better writing consultant for Les’s screenplay than for Alan’s. Inserting a revenge-fueled cycle of violence and betrayal that escalates to a murderous game of cat and mouse in a Central American jungle would improve Lisa’s Story immeasurably for the cable audience. And it would be bound to make Les’s character seem more likable.” –Master Softheart
A3G: “I am hoping that this wacky misunderstanding continues with CPS being called and ending with one of the three women being physically detained. I don’t care which one, honestly I want all of them to be taken away in handcuffs.” –Currer Bell
“That plugger verbally italicizes Victoria’s Secret because it’s the sexy undies store where his granddaughter and her friends shop and one time he peeked in there on his way from the Shoes & Socks store to the bathroom and he’ll never, ever, ever get over the shame.” –BigTed
“A close-up shot of squirrel with silhouetted figures in the distance? A cartoonishly cruel bearded man? Could this be the Mary Worth / Mark Trail crossover we never knew we always wanted?!” –Izzy
“I didn’t know Sansabelt even made swim trunks.” –Esther Blodgett
“Am I wrong to wax nostalgic for a time when at least a few Snuffy Smith characters used the fronts of their mouths for talking?” –Dr. Mabuse
“Trixie’s teddy bear is missing an eye and the quilt predates the war, so I think the joke is that the blind has holes. Hahaha, since the collapse of the housing market, Lois is poor! What a laff riot!” –Alex Blaze
“Carol distracts Tina long enough for Tommie to sneak up behind her and dump a glass of water on her head. When you live in Happiness Falls, you have to make your own fun.” –gelded wildebeeste
“Don’t forget that Les is in California too. While I like the idea of all these Funky characters dying in the Big One Quake, I also like the possibility that Les will have to attend a Lust for Lisa panel at ComicCon and in a fit of despair, blow his brains all over these three sitting in the first row.” –merde
“‘See, Tina, the ‘baby’ is actually a deer that I’ve raised in the Manhattan apartment I share with two roommates, but now I’m keeping her in the back seat of my car while I work here in Happiness Falls as a stable hand instead of at my job as a nurse in Manhattan General Hospital!’ ‘Ah, I see! How silly of me! It all makes perfect sense now!'” –seismic-2
“In a comic strip filled with overweight beast creatures who wear human clothing, this news story actually reads like an account of a police raid on the reptile people who inhabit their world. Ever since those miners discovered the entrance to the hollow earth and the reptoids began pouring out, plugger society has been going steadily to shit.” –Chareth Cutestory
“I’ve been afraid to ask you why you slosh when you walk. Now I know. You’re a protoplasmic ur-being, just like me! Come closer and let us combine our forms into something greater.” –Voshkod
“I have a different take on today’s Momma. This is not merely any empty white void resulting from a lazy artist’s desire to not draw background. No. This is the afterlife. This is the great beyond, the waiting room for the afterlife. For you see, Momma’s children were her first victims, nagged to death then made to sit and wait for her to join them for surely her turn would come sooner rather than later. Instead they must sit and watch as others join them, lining up and sitting down. Nagged to death. Relentlessly. The queue grows ever larger. Ever longer. Until they realize in their horror that she gains sustenance from it. Nagging people to death gives her new life. New purpose. The world is doomed to be nagged unto oblivion, and nothing can stop it.” –drekal
“And the Angel Mary appears today as the receptionist in Dr. Kapuht’s office. It’s only Olive who knows that the night angel, the Kapuht angel, and the flower fairies are but dimensions of Mary’s immanence. The last one who came close was John the Baker but he thought that Mary resembled the Beauty of Nature, not that the Beauty of Nature resembles Mary. So he got handed the mitten. Now the child Olive must die, or the child must live. But it is in Mary’s hands alone.” –Gabacho
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