Post Content

Hey, look how early I am with today’s top comment!

“So Mr. Meatface over there considers disabled bears abnormal? That’s pretty insensitive, especially coming from a guy whose nostrils are about twelve inches away from his eyebrows.” –made of wince

And with the very funny runners up!

“Sure, panel five features Oscar The Grouch, Garbage Ape and Top Cat, but let’s not overlook the other beloved characters in line: Blackface Skunk, Vaguely Confused Owl, Hastily Sketched Creature Of Some Sort, and Terry The Ticklish Raccoon. A garbage night fiesta indeed!” –Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer

“Crank ignores an early warning sign of a heart attack. Certainly he’ll make another lame comment as pall bearer. ‘Never have so many lifted so much for so few’ or some such crap.” –Junior:Burping Cat of Warren,MI.

Funky Winkerbean: “Jess’s idea of ‘making a wedding video’ is sitting in the pew next to her camera being glad she got married.” –Uncle Lumpy

“GREY HOT ASHEN ACTION” –Failure Artist

“Is ‘stabbing a Romanian in a dark jungle’ euphemistic? IT IS NOW!!!!” –word-doctor

“If all that land comes with the house, I’d say that real estate lady is just trying a scam and will sell the property later to developers for millions. Who’s the real witch now, hmm?” –Berry

“I don’t mean to frighten you, but a wounded Mark Trail can be a lot more bland than a normal Mark Trail.” –nescio

“Like any dictator, Heath will post images of himself ubiquitously about the neighborhood, each with its sly eyes saying ‘I’m not directly facing you but I’m watching’ and the single protruding tooth symbolizing the threat of violence and the rakish whiskers protruding from the picture frame saying ‘I can come down from this picture, folks. Believe it.'” –hogenmogen

“What’s in that crock that Mary’s bringing in? It’s ‘nothing’, right? Because there is no interior to that crock? Because it’s actually a huge crack rock sculpted into the shape of a crock, and Mary is only loudly talking about whatever smug crap she’s talking about to throw the feds off her trail as she smuggles the stuff to her newest mule.” –bunivasal

“I could have been back 3 hours ago, but I really needed to stand around flexing.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Her sorrow belongs only the her. The horse tranquilizers I have her hooked on, though, those belong to me, and she knows it.” –Voshkod

“The words say ‘I don’t care about her feelings, issues, or thoughts.’ But that sly smile says ‘if you know what I mean, eh? No, don’t go, stay a bit, these sleepy eyes can not care about you, too. Both of you at the same time, even.'” –Margaret

“The hand that worries me the most is the one in the first panel. If a hand that size were plopped down on my shoulder while someone was telling me that I was about to become their ‘super sub’, I’d flee in panic before they pulled out the bun, lettuce, and mayo.” –seismic-2

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 5/9/14

Yeah, what’s with the hand? Or the hands plural, for that matter? Why is one of them all turned around at a weird, unnatural angle? Why is the other one flapping in the direction of the first one, fingers splayed, as if that’s a gesture that’s used by humans to convey information of some kind? What’s with the hands? It’s what we’ve wondered for years about this strip, so I’m glad someone’s finally worked up the nerve to ask.

Apartment 3-G, 5/9/14

Speaking as someone who writes dumb jokes about newspaper comics on the Internet for a living, I do sort of understand the appeal of “real work” that Tommie’s talking about here — not enough to actually do any of it, you understand, but I can sort of see it. But it’s worth pointing out that before she came out to the country to shovel horse poop in exchange for room and board, Tommie was a nurse, which strikes me as pretty real? You’re not supposed to get your hands dirty, though, what with the danger of deadly infections. Maybe Tommie was just tired of the relentlessly sanitary hospital environment?

Crankshaft, 5/9/14

This week Crankshaft has been poking a little light-hearted fun at golf by explaining the emotions a golfer experiences after a whiff in terms of the Kübler-Ross stages of grief one goes through after suffering the death of a loved one or other serious life trauma. Today we reach the Funkyverse’s natural level with stage four: depression. What’s more depressing than contemplating killing yourself? Why, contemplating what it’d be like to fail at killing yourself, just like you always fail at golf and everything else, of course!

Post Content

Dick Tracy, 5/8/14

Bored with getting into gruesome shootouts with human suspects who all sadly end up dead before they can be arrested and stand trial, Dick Tracy is going to see what it’s like to shoot a horse for resisting arrest.

Mark Trail, 5/8/14

Mark Trail is in newspapers everywhere walking around with no shirt on, which seems like it should be at least as big a news story as this missing plane thing.

Beetle Bailey, 5/8/14

Beetle has a pretty bad bed-wetting problem, apparently.

Apartment 3-G, 5/8/14

ARISTOTLE PAPAGORAS, PROFESSIONAL AND ACCREDITED THERAPIST, EVERYBODY