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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/26/23

This whole Truck-Wanda thing has been slow-burning in Rex Morgan for months now, but somehow it’s only now occurring to me that this is in fact the strip’s second “courtly older gent finds romance with a gal who owns a diner” plot. One is fine, but two is indicative of the sort of sick fetish that I don’t care to see played out on the funny pages where children can see it.

Dennis the Menace, 2/26/23

We make fun of Dennis losing his edge, but Mrs. Wilson is actively seeking out some menacing. She needs someone who’s willing to say “These cookies suck ass, old woman; you’re losing your touch,” because she needs to know if she is, in fact, losing her touch.

Family Circus, 2/26/23

“Almost as if a large, spherical object is being repeatedly bashed against the wall! Welp, guess we should continue to not investigate this and hope for the best [winks]”

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Slylock Fox, 2/25/23

I have sadly accepted that we Slylock readers can never see past the horizon of whatever Event separates our human world from Slylock’s animal-ruled kingdom, but every once in a while we get a glimpse of a time quite close to it. Take today’s strip, for example. Now, this isn’t in the first heady post-revolutionary days, when statues of human heroes were torn down in spontaneous displays of victorious rage in front of cheering animal crowds. No, this is from the ensuing weeks or months, when those lesser H. sapiens culture heroes were methodically wiped from public spaces by the employees of the new regime. To these two dogs, the work has almost become routine at this point, but you have to imagine it was still satisfying.

Blondie, 2/25/23

OK, so … does Dagwood, and/or anyone involved in the production of the venerable syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie, know what “an offer he can’t refuse” means in The Godfather, the movie this classic line is from? It means you get someone to do what you want by threatening them with physical violence. In the movie, Don Corleone strongarms a Hollywood proudcer to cast his godson in a movie by cutting off his beloved horse’s head and putting it in the producer’s bed. So, in this scenario, Dagwood is upset that this car salesman isn’t going to use Daisy’s brutal murder and mutilation to convince him that he has no choice but to buy a BMW M8 coupe for considerably more than its $134,000 MSRP, I guess? I know Dagwood only watches westerns, but I feel like someone needs to tell him he’s treading into dangerous territory here.

Shoe and Zits, 2/25/23

Are taxes the mechanism by which a democratic society pools its wealth in order to provide public services? Or are they a literal crime imposed on sovereign citizens by tyrants? Today’s comics are here to bring you both sides of the story!

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You want your top comment of the week? You got it.

“Once you go Weston, you’ll never be restin’!” –MKay

You want your runners up? You got that too!

“The first panel establishes the grim, moody atmosphere! Without that, you’d think this strip was just innocent family fun.” –Peanut Gallery

“There hasn’t been much cause to talk about generous windfalls being handed out in Rex Morgan since the Wilson days, as Beatty has been more concerned with keeping his characters modestly fed and taking care to make sure nothing interesting happens. But what’s this? Free lodging granted in perpetuity by a thoughtless motel manager? A standing offer of free meals from a diner owner after a spite-driven tryst? More convenient access to sugar daddy Buck Wise? Truck’s not just the most boring traveling musician in history; he’s a mooching conman that’s been playing the long game! It’s not quite the same as, ‘Here, Rex Morgan, have $10,000 for existing,’ but it’ll do! (Can diabetics be sugar daddies? Will need to think on this.)” –jroggs

“Mary Worth and the Condo of Dr. Moron is my least favorite of the old pulp strips.” –Dunkelcopter

“Rex Morgan … the M.D. stands for ‘musicians dining.’” –Where’s Rocky?

“But I’m hopeful for the future. I piped the bus exhaust back into the cabin, we should be able to start again with a clean slate in about half an hour. Oxygen mask?” –pastordan

“Pluggers block you by going to a thrift store, buying an old phone, and leaving it lying around. You’d never guess that pluggers are basically low-grade conceptual artists.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I think one of the important differences between the two panels is that the second one acknowledges that it is illogical for a family of anthropomorphic termites to use pencils. They’d just eat them, right? I mean, if our pens were just Slim Jims with ink in the center, my teeth would be permanently stained blue.” –pugfuggly

“The question of the termites’ size becomes even more perplexing when you notice the tiny salt and pepper shakers on the table. Has sentience imbued them with the desire to season their habitual diet? If they have not gained humanoid proportions, how did they come to not only harvest peppercorns from vines many times their size, but grind them into a powder fine enough to digest? The mind boggles, at least until the ADHD medication kicks in.” –TheDiva

“I assume a beast-man is in the panel, it’s just that pluggers block callers by having massive coronaries and giving in to the sweet release of death. THAT is how a plugger avoids talking to someone. Every time you hear a landline dial tone, a plugger gets their wings.” –Mike Ainsworth

“Grinding out puns like that takes an heroic effort.” –Shrug

“Having failed to gain traction with its Boomers v Millennials concept, Dustin will now pivot to full-time Philadelphia pandering. Next week, Dustin buys a cheesesteak at a Wawa from Gritty.” –Schroduck

“Wait — the Smifs can properly pronounce words with ‘th’ sounds now? I get that hillbillyifying seemingly every word is tedious, but that doesn’t mean you can shirk your duty to no one in particular.” –Irrischana

“We haven’t found any comfy furniture at Dekko’s place yet, Tracy. Are we done yet? We have to leave this place before our legs get tired.” –made of wince

“Rather than telling Beetle that Otto can impersonate him, Sarge played the long game and waited for Beetle to ask if Otto can do any tricks. Sure, it took several years and countless hints, but damn, it was worth the wait.” –Weaselboy

“My guess is Wilbur is stalking Estelle and Estelle is going insane. Hilarity (and hopefully violence) will ensue when they seek help for their respective problems and turn up at the same therapist’s office at the same time.” –erdmann

“Do they live near a nuclear plant? That squirrel is MASSIVE. If I were Dot and Dashes, or whatever their names are, I’d get the hell out of there before the helicopter-sized vultures arrive and decide they want something with a little more meat on its bones.” –Old School Allie Cat

“It isn’t so much that Wilson yells at his old Texas Instruments pocket calculator, which he identifies as a ‘robot,’ that has Martha concerned. After all, who doesn’t get frustrated with modern technology. The fact that he thinks it, and apparently other electro-mechanical devices lying around the house, talks back to him worries her.” –Hibbleton

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