Comment of the Week

My little friend is not so little anymore, Toby! In fact, she's quite large! Enormous, in fact! Nine foot six and getting taller by the day! It's actually quite alarming! We're getting into I'm a Virgo territory here! Did you watch that miniseries, by the way? It was on Amazon Prime a couple of years ago! Jharrel Jerome is a treasure! Some great performances by Elijah Wood and Walton Goggins as well, which reminds me that I need to start my Justified rewatch. Oh, Margo Martindale is another treasure, especially as a voice in BoJack Horseman. Anyway, Olive is a giant, is the point I'm trying to make.

els

Post Content

Luann, 2/25/13

Luann used to be one of those strips whose archives I would read when I got back from vacation, because maybe I had missed exciting developments! But slowly I realized that, enh, Luann, and I stopped doing it. So I have literally no idea how concerned the DeGroots should actually be about their teenage daughter spending so much time online, but I do find it pretty amusing how vague they’re being about it. As if they’re not really sure what this whole “online” thing is about — they’ve heard about computers, obviously, but wouldn’t actually use one, because they’re for young people — and so can only go by what they read about in articles when it comes to imagining what their daughter might be doing in so-called “cyberspace.” What did this article, which presumably ran in a print publication, say? Did it reveal that sometimes people on the Internet take on personas different from their real-life lives? Was Mr. DeGroot shocked to learn that, with some cunning “search engine” work, a cyber-naut can find images and videos of people in various states of undress, or even engaged in sexual acts? We can’t know. He doesn’t dare speak it aloud, even to his wife. It’s too awful.

Apartment 3-G, 2/25/13

Once upon a time, Margo’s dad was a wealthy two-timing cad who knocked up the family’s ethnic-of-some-sort maid and forced her to give up the baby (our Margo!) to his wife to raise, but then years later Margo found out about everything and then later still her bio-parents started hanging out together and then his wife became a pill-crazed maniac. I bring this all up because, even if Margo’s parents have suddenly been retconned into bland, kindly old WASPs, we can at least take solace in the fact that her dad is still rich! Rich enough to pay for luxury suites for Margo’s friends, anyway. (Hope you’re enjoying your stay at a single-room occupancy hotel paid for by Red Cross vouchers, everyone else in the building!) Anyway, it’s nice to see that this “luxury suite” has the same fussy 1950s interior design as the girls’ apartment, since we wouldn’t want them feeling aesthetically unmoored during this trying time.

Spider-Man, 2/25/13

The few seconds a day it takes to read Newspaper Spider-Man is literally the longest I’ve ever spent with Daredevil as a character, so I was somewhat chagrined to learn upon doing a bit of research this morning that his “radar sense” is indeed a thing, though more recent interpretations just sort of have it as a super-intense version of the whole “blind people’s other senses are heightened” thing and thus not something that can be detected by, say, a missile. Spider-Man’s “spider-aura”, in contrast, seems not to be a thing, since three of the first four Google hits for the phrase are to a non-Spider-Man themed discussion from 2011 on an Ultimate Fighting Championship message board. I guess they’re talking about his spider-sense and just didn’t want to say “sense” twice in the same panel? Haha, Spider-Man is forced to resort to clumsy circumlocutions in his own comic strip! Anyway, this strip is notable because it features two superheroes deciding to go with the classic “let’s split up and hope it goes after you” technique.

Gil Thorp, 2/25/13

“Birseed” in the final panel is almost certainly a typo, but if you want a realistic in-universe explanation for it, you can go ahead and imagine that Gil is just kind of drunk.

Marmaduke, 2/25/13

Haha, it’s funny because Marmaduke’s owner is terrified of Marmaduke and is laboring mightily to obey his woofed commands! SHOVEL, PUNY HUMAN, SHOVEL OR THE SNOW WILL BE STAINED RED BY YOUR SCATTERED VISCERA

Post Content

I’m back, everybody! Back and better than just as good as ever. Thanks for being kind to your favorite Uncle Lumpy while I was gone — he tells me you’ve been good. Can’t believe I missed the week of Faithful Reader Druj Nasu’s Automatic Rexifier, my goodness! Anyway, here is your fantabulous comment of the week!

“‘But what if I fail?’ Wait, failure is posited here as a merely hypothetical outcome? This is the most optimistic Funky Winkerbean ever.” –Doctor Handsome

And here are the runners up, very funny!

Apartment 3-G: “I can’t imagine a world without Margo! Really, I can’t. She’ll know if I do.” –Zaratustra

Mark Trail: “Yes, Rusty, maybe tomorrow Catfish will let you into his van and I am not the least bit worried about a total stranger entertaining you in the back of his van.” –Sgt. Stoned

Judge Parker: “Randy, you’re a judge! You can’t go around like that, just freely admitting that you’re as dumb as a bag of hammers. Act judicial, Randy! You’re as dumb as a bag of gavels!” –seismic-2

“I’m not getting an intensive-care-unit vibe from this. I’m not even getting a hospital vibe from this. I’m getting a very-weird-dorm-with-Craftmatic-adjustable-single-beds vibe from this.” –Poteet

Spider-Man: “Daredevil: ‘When it homes in on me, it’ll explode!’ Spidey: ‘Yeah, like it’s all about YOU now, is it?'” –Hogenmogen

9 Chickweed Lane: “Maybe the cow just needs to be orked. I don’t know how you ork a cow, but there must be experts who do that, because I see lots of people online telling stories about their ‘coworkers.’” –Peanut Gallery

“(In an) article about the effects of the budget sequestration on the National Zoo’s ability to feed the animals, there’s a nice picture of the curator who is ‘in charge of these hungry goats as well as the big cats.’ My immediate thought: Feed the hungry goats to the big cats. Because there’s only so much Phantom to go around, know what I mean?” –Lumaca Morente

“And when you are in Mexico can you get me some weed? The guy I get my weed from says that the guy he gets the weed from has gotten out of the marijuana business and is going to start a solar farm instead.” –Liam

Mary Worth: “Cheer up, John. With your book of unattributed, out-of-context bittersweet quotes, it’s like Mary never left your side!” –Inkwell

Hägar the Horrible: “Hagar seems genuinely confused by Grandpa’s ‘over 21’ request. It’s a sex slave, gramps, I think an age of consent doesn’t really matter if the person isn’t consenting in the first place.” –pugfuggly

Phantom: “The Ghost Who Talks Out Loud To Himself assures the audience that he doesn’t normally get clobbered over the head that easily. It’s not like he’s Spider-Man.” –Horace Broon

Spider-Man: “‘Countdown to Zero’. Couldn’t have said it better myself!” –Mibbitmaker

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

About this Post

Comments are closed.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 2/24/13, 4/26/12 (panels)


WORST. BALLOON RALLY. EVER.

Spider-Man, 2/24/13

So for two weeks the World’s Slowest Missile has been homing in on Daredevil, only it’s suddenly on a timer? Since it hasn’t come close to hitting its target in all that time, why does Kingpin expect a better result in “Seven seconds — Six –“? I guess the idea is something like, “And then Spidey sees Daredevil, and there’s like a missile, and Kingpin, with a secret lair and, and mumble mumble EXCITING DANGER!!!” Even Narration Box seems confused: “Countdown to Zero!“? Uh, as opposed to what, exactly, N.B.?

Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/13

Do you “have what it takes to be a band director”? Let’s see: Multi-volume-autobiography-writing narcissism? Check! Indifference to the health and self-esteem of your students? Check! Melodramatic, fatuous, incoherent advice? Check! You’re good to go, chippie: see you at next year’s Ohio State Music Educators Association Convention!

Any idea what that last speech-balloon might’ve said before it was tortured to bloody gibbering death? Maybe something like “But if you do, fail from courage, not cowardice”? I mean before the rewrite demons showed up.

Dick Tracy, 2/24/13

You gotta love how Dick Tracy carefully exonerates the locomotive crew from any responsibility for this accident. After all, Sweatbox was driving at dangerously high speed onto an icy overpass. And it was black ice — slipperiest and stealthiest of all the ices! And he was probably dead from that encounter with the steering wheel even before the train hit him, right? Sure, they were accelerating into bad weather to make up time, but the crew even sounded the horn as if to say, “Keep that lovely old Benz off our tracks, wouldya — we’re speedin’ here!”

Do you think the Railroad Police will mount a full and fair investigation — or have they all been corrupted by that sweet “Tracy’s Hall of Fame” gig?


That’s it for me — Josh will be back with Comments of the Week soon (remember, patience is a virtue!), and regular posts starting Monday. Thanks for a fun week!

— Uncle Lumpy