Post Content

Mark Trail, 1/17/13

So it turns out that literally everyone in this bass fishing storyline is going to have a painfully obvious name or nickname. “Let me tell you about my friend Bluegill. We started calling him that because he caught a bunch of Bluegill! A bluegill is a kind of fish, in case you’re wondering.” “Neat,” says Rusty, at a loss for any other way to respond to this incredibly banal anecdote. Later: “Bluegill, this is my ward Rusty! When I told him how you came to be called Bluegill, he said ‘Neat.'” “Well, isn’t that something? I think we’ll call you ‘Neat’ from now on, young man. How’d you like that nickname, Neat?” “But ‘Rusty’ is already a nickname! My real name is–” “Hush now, Neat, you’re scaring the fish with all your jibber jabber.”

Momma, 1/17/13

“Haha, yes, we’ve all had some good fun with the cross-generational misunderstanding of technological terminology, but Francis really is passed out on the sofa in parlor. I think he’s drunk, or maybe dead?”

Post Content

Mark Trail, 1/16/13

I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to laugh at however Mark weasels out of fishing with Rusty this time, but for now I just want to point out that our intrepid journalist plans to interview a superstar bass fisherman whose name is literally “Rod Bassy.” Get it, because you use a fishing “rod” catch “bass”? This is absurdly on the nose, even for this strip, and I look forward to future characters named Art Smugglerish, Beard Villain, and Corrupt Bald Politician Who Wants To Harm The Environment Somehow.

Gil Thorp, 1/16/13

How can Gil complain that the Thorps need to get a life when they already do fun stuff like have their own private ’80s parties at home on weekends? At least, I’m assuming that’s what’s going on, because Mimi is wearing leg warmers in panel two; she has to be doing it for the nostalgia value, because how could her legs be anything but toasty warm with that out-of-control fire blazing eight inches away from them?

Spider-Man, 1/16/13

“Because that’s what people do in mental hospitals, right? Fill out puzzle books? No? Um, ok, how about: You should be connecting the dots — in kindergarten, after I send you back … to … journalist kindergarten? Damn it damn it damn it, let’s start this whole thing over.”

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 1/15/13

Funky Winkerbean Is The Most Depressing Long-Form Work Of Art Ever Created, Chapter 923: two happily married young people with no major current traumas (though plenty of traumas lurking in their past, obviously, not all of which I can remember right now, why is there not a specialized wiki online with articles for each Funkyverse character explaining the specific awfulness they’ve suffered) are having a pleasant evening at home, and express contentment, but that contentment is tempered by an overwhelming sense that any fleeting moment of happiness will immediately be destroyed by the hateful God of Sadness who rules over all. It’s a recurring theme in this strip! And lo, it has come true in panel three, with … a call from Darrin’s mother? Isn’t Darrin’s mother (his mother who adopted him as an infant, not his biological mother, who was LISA who DIED OF CANCER very soon after she and Darrin reconnected with one another) the nice lady who helped coach the girl’s basketball team last year? Why would they fear a phone call from her? Well, I’m sure there will be reasons. Terribly and arbitrarily depressing reasons. Get ready for a dramatic roller-coaster ride this week! (Is it still a roller-coaster ride when you only go down?)

Better Half, 1/15/13

In contrast, this shockingly frank panel is almost hopeful. Mental illness cannot be cured by mere aphorisms! Seek help from a licensed professional!

Mary Worth, 1/15/13

AT LAST, THE DRAMATIC CONFLICT IN MARY WORTH! Mary has been asked to help John design his cakes for his entry in the contest, but John is maybe deciding he’d rather do it on his own and will try passive-aggressively to extricate himself from Mary’s mentorship! Will their pairing end amicably, or will it be mildly socially awkward? Don’t miss a single panel of pulse-pounding action, be sure to order home delivery of every newspaper you can, just in case one gets lost!

Dennis the Menace, 1/15/13

Dad’s job is soul-killing grind, where he neither learns anything nor grows professionally.