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Shoe, 10/20/12

I have no information one way or another as to whether the art and writing in Shoe are done by different people who barely speak to each other, but it sure would explain a lot about this cartoon, in which a mild joke one step removed from the classic “seafood diet” gag is paired with a scene of spectacular gloom. “If you’re ‘watching’ what you eat, I guess we’ll need to schedule an eye exam, because you seem to be eating pretty poorly! Hahahaha! Get it, it’s a play on words! So, anyway, like I said earlier, you’re dying of colon cancer.”

Herb and Jamaal, 10/20/12

“Uh … hello, Michelle, this is Jamaal — I was wondering if you’d be interested in going on a date with me. Could you say that again? This comic has four panels so we need to pad things out a bit. Yeah, we could redraw them, but that’d be tons more work than it’s worth.”

Dennis the Menace, 10/20/12

“Yep, ‘prone to over-the-top, irrational violence when frustrated over trivial matters,’ that’s what they say about the Mitchell boys!”

Family Circus, 10/20/12

Billy has come to the conclusion that the only way out of the hellscape of institutionalized education is suicide.

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Hello all! Before we get into today’s comments of the week, let’s just pause to acknowledge that yes, a Family Circus movie is in development. It’s going to be live action rather than CGI, which makes me sad because seeing the melonheaded freaks moving and speaking in 3-D would have probably caused mass hysteria and riots.

And now: Go unto your (hopefully) riot-free weekend with this comment of the week!

“A rabbit accusing a crocodile of raiding a garden pretty much defines projection.” –Downpuppy

And the very funny runners up!

“After six panels of Mary’s platitudes, Jim gets the dry heaves. ‘Make her stop! For the love of god, make her stop!’ Dawn, on the other hand, enters a fugue state when listening to Mary on one of the many loudspeakers which surround the Charterstone complex. It explains her vacuous look which is often confused as a symptom of lead poisoning or beri-beri.” –Hibbleton

“It seems that Weber has been thinking about how to make Slylock Fox more hip. This strip is fairly tame, but get ready for a barrage of mysteries that rely on increasingly insular facts about New York: ‘Slylock knows you can’t get a decent burrito at 8th and 53rd, asshole.'” –Meeskite

“This week, Tom Selleck is Thomas Magnum’s evil twin in Yachting for Danger: the Punchenning.” –pugfuggly

“I briefly considered the idea that today’s Mary Worth might be working up to some kind of complex psychodrama wherein the tormented and delusional Jim becomes increasingly convinced that Dawn is actually his dead sister, with chilling results, but on second thought I thinks it’s far more likely leading to Dawn repeating the conversation verbatim to Mary over translucent pie.” –Violet

“Bill Ellis edits a wildlife magazine because he loves it, not for mere money; his fabulous wealth all comes from his lucrative moonlighting gig in a DEVO cover band.” –Trilobite

“Oh, so that’s what it takes to make the Comics Curmudgeon — draw a really large white penis on your cat! [starts drawing penis on cat]” –Greg

“Next, Avery is led into the Van Gogh wing of the mine, where Sam, Abbey, and the Judge are all cowled and waiting to initiate him into the Illuminati.” –btown

“We’ll need to keep one of you as a hostage. Which one of you punches the hardest?” –Doctor Handsome

Plus Comrade Denny’s review of Rat Hole’s latest gig is too long to qualify but 100% hilarious and you should read it.

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Mark Trail, 10/19/12

Oh, man, I can tell it’s going to be hard to not just post Mark Trail and say “THIS IS FANTASTIC!!!!” every day during the current Mark Trail storyline. It is pretty fantastic, though! I myself would rather take a fancy boat than the vague promise of money, since I assume there are people who would pay good money for a fancy boat. But I don’t know how liquid the black fancy boat market is at present? I also thought at first that our villain was winking lasciviously as he urged Mark into his boat, but now I’m pretty sure that he’s actually experiencing a stroke.

Judge Parker, 10/19/12

Obviously I always knew that this Judge Parker storyline wasn’t going to end with Avery’s bloody death, but I thought it would take more than a week to get from “Bubba threatens to dismember Avery with a chainsaw in a dank abandoned mine shaft” to “Bubba and Avery relax, drink scotch, and talk about modern art in a climate-controlled abandoned mine shaft.”

Heathcliff, 10/19/12

Heathcliff, everybody! I can’t believe I’ve been doing this blog for more than eight years and haven’t taken on America’s second-favorite long-running cartoon cat. But Heathcliff will be in my rotation from now on! Anyway, it turns out that Heathcliff is kind of an asshole.