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Six Chix, 7/3/23

I like this one! I like this one because it implies either that crabs are the undersea equivalent of Americans, or that in the far future, Americans will evolve into crabs and take to the sea in order to escape our blighted surface but still retain a dim memory of the national habits and holidays of their distant ancestors. Either way, they exist in some sort of celebratory symbiosis with the jellyfish, a relationship that (I hope) is mutually beneficial.

The Lockhorns, 7/3/23

I’m really loving these two dudes sitting at the bar with big smiles on their faces. They’re all in the Hate Wife Club! Leroy is their new best friend and tonight they’re gonna tear this town up (have three more cocktails, get morose, the other two are going to call their wives up and beg for forgiveness and go home and leave Leroy with the beardy bartender who gets increasingly pointed as closing time approaches and Leroy continues to refuse to make eye contact).

Pluggers, 7/3/23

C’mon, man, that’s not a possum, that’s a bear! Oh, wait, he’s just playing possum. Anyway, c’mon, man, he’s not pretending to be dead, he’s actually dead! Been dead for hours! Kangaroo lady’s going to figure it out soon and it’s gonna hit her like a ton of bricks!

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Dennis the Menace, 7/2/23

We don’t talk very much about what a truly sad place Mr. Wilson has been brought to by the unending irritations and indignities delivered upon him by his young neighbor. He’s lost not just the peace and quiet he deserves in his old age but his very sense of pride in his country. What can the hollow promises of liberty from our founding fathers mean if an honest man like George Wilson, who served Ben Franklin’s Postal Service his whole life, can’t avoid Dennis Mitchell and his shenanigans? Forget the freedoms encoded in the Bill of Rights; the only thing that can bring Mr. Wilson joy this weekend is unexpected Freedom from Dennis.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/2/23

Two teens looking at each other with glints in their eye, talking about maybe checking out one last wild high school party before they enter adulthood, but then the action smash cuts to a child squinting at a cell phone in disappointment because she didn’t know what a “graduation” actually was? That’s the Rex Morgan, M.D., magic, everybody!

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The Lockhorns, 7/1/23

Ahh, another entry in the “Lockhorns are millennials” files: Yes, Leroy got up to 301 at UCB, yes he absolutely was that guy who derailed every scene to focus on his extremely unfunny obsessions, yes, he always tried to push things towards scenarios that would allow him to feel up his female classmates, and yes everyone he took the class with set up a new group chat without him as soon as the class ended. He preemptively told Loretta “not to bother” coming to the class show at the end of the session because “most people don’t have guests” — he told himself it was because maybe something might happen with one of the girls in the class at the afterparty, but in fact he knew that if Loretta had seen him alive and vulnerable on stage, she would have delivered one of the most savage putdowns she’d ever mustered on the ride home.

Mary Worth, 7/1/23

Ha ha, what if it were a pizza, though. It would be pretty funny if there were just a big pizza lying on the ground and Max ran up and started snarfing up all that cheese and getting tomato sauce all over his snout. Turns out Max doesn’t give a shit about Greta! It was about the pizza all along!