The Comics Curmudgeon

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Requiem for a bird-lady’s dream

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Shoe, 4/11/12

I’m not really sure if the pharmacist in panel is telling Roz that her pills have gotten more expensive or that her dosage has been tripled, but, really, who cares? Roz sure doesn’t! She’s high as a kite! Abusing prescription drugs is awesome, that’s the important lesson here.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/12

I guess Trixie in panel two is supposed to have an “I’m sad because I’m sick” face, but honestly to me it really just looks like it’s an “I’m sad because of what’s in my thought balloon” face. “I can’t even walk yet! I’m such a failure! I can’t coast by on a being a cute baby with stupid hair forever, I need to achieve independent mobility!”

Judge Parker, 4/11/12

“And why should he? I mean, there’s no possible conflict of interest in an elected official taking an extravagant gift from a foreign national who’s heavily involved in several murder attempts in his jurisdiction, after all!”

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I bet the Florence Nightingale joke made Spidey feel like a big man

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Mary Worth, 4/10/12

Considering that Nola has finally experienced the change of heart that Mary’s been hoping for through the entire course of this storyline, she sure looks pretty gobsmacked in panel two. Maybe that’s because Mary Worth-style repentance doesn’t involve anything drastic like actually inconveniencing yourself professionally or financially. “Dear, doesn’t that seem a bit … dramatic? Surely you could have just donated a small portion of the raise you received with your ill-gotten promotion to charity. That would have alleviated my conscience if I were in your shoes! But this … well, it’s going to be difficult for me to preach personal improvement if personal improvement involves substantive and unpleasant changes in one’s life. That’s not the sort of thing most people go for.”

Spider-Man, 4/10/12

Poor Spider-Man! Over the course of this storyline, he really hasn’t had much success in defeating toughs or finding MJ or convincing the Avengers to help him find MJ or defeating Thor or getting into Asgard under his own power or defeating Loki or getting back to Earth from Asgard under his own power. But can he berate an underpaid nurse’s aide and jump to the head of the triage line at the emergency room? Yes! He can berate the hell out of that guy and jump the hell to the head of that line! The Amazing Spider-Man!

Hi and Lois, 4/10/12

“So if you want to benefit from our nation’s grinding economic malaise, shut the fuck up, get in there, frown a lot, and let me lowball this guy, because he’s desperate to sell, and when I say ‘desperate,’ it’s not an exaggeration for effect, I’m talking actual, palpable desperation. Nobody said real estate was pretty, bud.”

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It’ll be hilarious assuming you find dog farts amusing, which you OBVIOUSLY DO

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The Phantom, 4/9/12

For those who came in late, that’s Phantom creator Lee Falk just stone cold chilling in first class, ready to lay down a little exposition, while the Ghost Who Is Cheap squeezes with his wards into a three-abreast row in coach. Of course, if you were the sort who needed a little Falkian guidance right about now, you’d probably also be baffled by this fellow hoisting his martini glass and saying “For those who came in late” without any context, but whatever. Lee Falk does not feel any obligation to hurry up and fit a complete sentence into this strip just to make it easier for people who aren’t paying adequate attention to his creation’s adventures. He’s just going to sip that fancy drink and tell you what’s what in his own sweet time, demonstrating the sort of cool sang-froid that ensured that airport security didn’t dare ask about his skull cane/bludgeon.

Apartment 3-G, 4/9/12

For once, I’m kind of thankful for the ongoing writer-artist estrangement at Apartment 3-G, which today has taken the form of “I never would’ve thought to choose this furniture, and if nobody’s going to describe it it’s sure as hell not going to get drawn, so let’s just stand here in front of this stepladder with no steps.” This way instead of whatever bland nursery accoutrements Margo probably got, I can imagine that a better and more interesting set of furniture lurks just below the bottom of the frame. “I never would’ve thought to buy baby furniture covered with rusty iron spikes, but if you say that it’ll toughen our son or daughter up for life in the big city, I’ll take your word for it!”

Marvin, 4/9/12

Are you worried that the jokes about Marvin pooping that you tune into Marvin for are going to be replaced by jokes about Bitsy farting? Don’t worry, we’ll be back to the Marvin-pooping content you love soon; the strip is just going to spend a few days setting up the new spin-off strip, Bitsy, which will focus exclusively on Bitsy farting. It’ll be hilarious!