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Mary Worth, 4/23/12

Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting there to be some more dramatic meat to the “Nola reforms” storyline, or at least maybe the reappearance of that comically weepy televangelist? Well, tough! Having squared all that business away, Mary is going to jet off to New York City without so much as a pool party. Who needs some lame California soirée when there’s a hip New York City get-together you’ve been invited to, probably in some converted loft space on the Lower East Side, am I right?

I’m actually pretty sure that this will be the first time I’ve ever seen Mary leave Santa Royale, other than when she flew to Vietnam to rescue Dr. Jeff from the charity work he loved so much. Obviously Jeff doesn’t get invited on fun trips, though we should maybe question whether Mary is going to have as much fun as she thinks she will. Since she was unable to handle the raw urban horror of downtown Santa Royale and its hellish Women’s Shelter, I imagine she’ll find even New York’s most upscale neighborhoods utterly terrifying.

Apartment 3-G, 4/23/12

Because you know what happens in New York? Rampant adultery, that’s what! I mean, if you consider mashing your faces together drunkenly and saying “KISS” really loudly to be adultery, which I’m assuming Mary does. Anyway, this kissing business is clearly Margo’s worst bad idea yet — not because Margo is somehow morally opposed to stealing men away from their hugely pregnant wives or anything, but because Scott is a whiny little feeb not worthy of her attentions and Nina is a badass who can strangle people with her mind.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/22/12

Well, it’s about time that a member of the Slylock Fox rogues gallery started fighting back against the cruel dictatorship of ratiocination that’s always keeping them down; and I’m enough of a speciesist to be glad to see that it’s Slick Smitty, the lone human recurring character in this strip full of anthropomorphic insanity. Still, it’s unsurprising to see that he’s not getting a fair trial here by this all-animal jury, who all appear enraptured by Slylock’s blatantly classist argument. “Remember, a true gentleman would have offered his right hand for a handshake. By crudely thrusting his left hand at me, Slick Smitty proved he was no gentleman. Didn’t he deserve to have his delicate metacarpals crushed by my powerful vulpine paw?”

Mary Worth, 4/22/12

I know it’s a fairly small aspect of this plot, I’m a little worried about Dan Smithers, the man whom Nola lied about in order to get his job. Do you really think he’s going to get his job back? How’s that conversation going to go? “Hey, Prez, I know that you were willing to fire me for embezzlement based only on the say-so of your underling who you were sleeping with, and who stood to benefit by my removal, but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and establish an incredibly awkward working relationship with you! Oh, FYI, since I left I developed a drinking problem.”

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Marvin, 4/21/12

I had a lot of Marvin-related commentary about today’s strip — that Marvin is proposing to walk around the house urinating and defecating all over the carpet, that Marvin’s ass is once again on full, unashamed display, that the syndicate colorists have failed to fill in the hair on the back of Marvin’s head, probably because nobody wants to touch Marvin, not even with Photoshop tools, etc. — but then I noticed in the first panel how close Bitsy’s head is to the ceiling. That dog’s got be at least six feet tall! That, combined with his ramrod-straight posture, makes me more convinced than ever that he’s just some dude in a dog costume. Admit it, you can’t think of anything more perverse than a huge guy in a dog suit who insists that you call him “Bitsy.”

Popeye, 4/21/12

Meanwhile, as usual I only bring you Popeye when it reaches a delightful crescendo of insanity! The Sea Hag’s exploding sexbot has been the fulcrum of this overlong story so far, but Olive tied to a tree at her own demand so as to control her murderous rage is a recent and entirely welcome development.