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Mary Worth, 1/19/12

“They seem like good people! I think she’ll be all right! But of course you can never be too careful. I suppose that horrible kidnapper seemed like a good person, at first! My only choice is to monitor the situation to make sure that her parents aren’t kidnappers too. I might have to rescue Emily from them! Then I’ll be a hero twice!”

Luann, 1/19/12

OK, I take it back, this might be interesting after all. Haha, TJ, always the hilarious trickster! Remember, the best pranks are the ones where you leave a paper trail behind you that can lead to your arrest and imprisonment.

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I know I am a little late on this, but: today (Wednesday) is a day when Websites everywhere are protesting SOPA and PIPA, two very bad proposed laws that would do bad things to the Internet. By “bad things” I mean “breaking the basic infrastructure of the Internet, and taking away the due process rights of Web site owners, in an attempt to stop piracy, and also those attempts to stop piracy won’t work.” If you want a silly cartoon explanation of the issues, check out today’s The Oatmeal. If you want a more serious explanation, just head on over (today only) to Wikipedia, which has blacked itself out for the day in protest, and also offers you a method to contact your Senators and Representatives (assuming you live in the U.S.). Anyway, do those things!

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Pluggers, 1/18/12

Today I said to my wife the words that any woman longs to hear: “Honey, can you come in here and explain Pluggers to me?” Her take was that pluggers don’t know what an “app” is and assume that it’s derived directly from the word “apply,” and that therefore “applying” whipped topping (yes, obviously “topping,” not elitist whipped cream, what are you, some kind of fancy ooh-la-la gourmet French person) to a pie is an “app.” This makes at least as much sense than my own interpretation, which was “A plugger’s favorite app is eatin’ pie, or maybe just spraying wipped topping straight down their beak-mouths.” Which doesn’t really mean much of anything, but seriously, look at this panel, what the hell.

Gil Thorp, 1/18/12

Boy, Coach Kaz is all dressed up and being nice to everybody, which probably means that a break-up is in the offing. “Welp, good game, kids, but I’m leaving forever to take up my new job as an FBI agent in 1964.”

Luann, 1/18/12

Hey, remember, like, a month ago, when having TJ work for Ann Eiffel seemed like it would be an awesome idea? Well, we changed our mind, so that won’t be happening anymore. Don’t worry, we’ve long established that TJ has no need for a job for his income, so there are absolutely no consequences involved in today’s actions, which is an important element of drama.

B.C., 1/18/12

I’m always vaguely amused that B.C.’s ants are used as the players in various generic domestic melodramas. But they’re still ants! Ants who could be devoured by a predator at any time! I’m not sure if the surviving ant spouse means that the departing ant was appreciated for its nutritive qualities, or that it will at last find unconditional love in the chitinous bosom of some kind of ant-God in ant-heaven, but either way it’s all pretty grim.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/18/12

For a long time Rex has been losing badly to Sam Driver in the competition to see which smug, sexually repressed dick in a Woody Wilson-penned soap strip can have become more financially comfortable due to no real work or merit on his part. But maybe today is the day when the tide begins to turn!