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Mark Trail, 2/4/12

Oh my God, can we please spend some time dwelling on the insanity that lurks in the few words bandied about by our cheerful bank robbers, and the abrupt transitions between them?

“Relax, Jamie, we dumped the car we stole…”

[Remember when we got into that car we never saw before, Jamie, and then I made it go without a key? That’s called “stealing.” Kind of like we did with the money! And then we just left on the side of the road, which I like to call “dumping.” Doesn’t that sound more exciting than just “leaving”? More daring?]

“…all we have to do now is hike a few miles to our hideout!”

[That’s why we brought these absolutely enormous backpacks on our crime spree. For the hiking!]

“This is bird hunting country … no one will be looking for us in these woods … We’ll be safe as long as we stay out of sight!”

[They’ll be all, “They dumped their car right near the edge of those woods, but why would they go in there? That’s bird hunting country! Bank robbers wouldn’t go and hunt birds, that’d just be silly.”]

“I hope you’re right, Jeff … I told my wife we were going on a fishing trip!”

[If she finds out that we were in bird hunting country the whole cover story will be blown to pieces! Why wasn’t I kept in the loop about the kind of recreational animal-killing landscape we’d be fleeing through?]

Luann, 2/4/12

When I read this strip, I said to my wife, “Oh, that wacky Knute!” But then I had to clarify that I wasn’t talking about Newt Gingrich. Which brings up an important question: Is the K in Knute silent, as I’ve always assumed? Discuss, as said discussion will certainly be infinitely more rewarding than actually talking about this comic.

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Let’s no waste any time, but get right to this week’s top comment!

“Thieves stole over 200,000 dollars from a bank! Now back to our much less interesting story about a dog that does taxes or whatever I don’t even care anymore.” –Chyron HR

And the very funny runners up!

“Yes, Nola, the Charterstone Tramp who’ll talk to anybody, dares to talk to married men at the pool party, but Wilbur — poor, poor unmarried Wilbur! — can only console his inner-scream loneliness at the Buffet of Round Objects.” –mojo

“Look at the expressions on Dennis’ parents’ faces. They’re not stupid, they can smell weakness and Dennis is pumping it out by the barrel. In 24 hours Dennis is either going to be in military school or in a gunny sack … maybe both.” –Mumblix Grumph

“Am I the only person here totally confused by Toby’s use of the phrase ‘under wraps’? Keeping something ‘under wraps’ means keeping it a secret, right? So she thinks the only way she can keep her husband from cheating on her is by refusing to tell anyone he exists? Unless … unless he’s dead and she just remembered that it’s time to change his mummy wrappings! That makes Mary’s response make more sense, too, since clearly Ian can only walk on consecrated ground.” –Spyglass

“Speaking of Dawn, I don’t see her standing reverently next to her father, complimenting his food stacking abilities. Could it be she’s off in her room Face-tweeting, Twit-booking, saxting or whatever it is the kids do with their technologies?” –Effluvius Erratus

“I’ve been hypnotized by the hastily-added megasideburn in the 3rd panel of Mark Trail. Now I need a doctor’s note to return back to work.” –Jocelyn Knockersbury

“Considering the current economic climate, Tommie sure seems to get a lot of offers of pity-employment.” –Nekrotzar

“Well, Mary Beth, it’s also been said that boys don’t make passes at girls who look like they have progeria.” –Dono

“Don’t worry Mary Beth: boys think it’s awesome when a girl can cook possum.” –NoahSnark

“It says a lot about the artwork in Family Circus when Daddy Keane’s absurdly dainty ankles are the creepiest thing going on in a panel where the only possible inference is that Jeffy is about to bludgeon his father to death. Dad can’t even make a run for his life, because his ankles would snap if he placed any weight on them.” –DaveyK

“All sentences from here on out will start with OBSEQUIOUS TIGER” –Stickerz

“I must commend the writers of Mary Worth for having the sheer decency to use their signatures to prevent any further exposure of that guy’s chest hair.” –Irrischano

“C’mon, Tommie. Let the Status Quo reassert itself. You know you want to.” –Mibbitmaker

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/3/12

I have to admit that I’ve had a hard time following the current Rex Morgan plot, which involves one of Rex’s patients who died and left him everything, and a mad (ex-?)wife, and a mysterious daughter who may or may not be the (ex-?)wife’s daughter too, and an equally mysterious book, but I am pretty amused by June’s seemingly very firm knowledge that whatever it was Foster Woods wrote about, it was not for little girls, not even creepily precocious ones. Despite June’s best efforts, though, Sarah has already stumbled upon the CD-ROM containing the audio-visual component of Chasing Mildred: An Erotic Multimedia Experience.

Six Chix, 2/3/12

“Don’t worry, we’ve left you this scalpel and this hypodermic as weapons. How long can you fend off the residents’ unnecessary and invasive procedures? A nationwide TV audience will be watching to find out!”