Post Content

Gil Thorp, 11/21/11

Gil may be an incredibly crappy coach, but he’s no dummy! With his team coasting towards a winless season and the booster club in open revolt, he’s got one last chance to save his job, and he’s playing it for all it’s worth. “Sure, we may end the season with the worst record in decades, but we did help one kid with Asperger’s come out of his shell a bit and make friends. And isn’t that more important than some dumb old football game? Who’s gonna be the jerk to say that, huh? Yeah, thought so. See ya next year, when with any luck we’ll go 2-8!”

Apartment 3-G, 11/21/11

“Someone is crying her eyes out in there. It must be Lu Ann! Tommie has used advanced meditation techniques to ensure that she’s incapable of feeling anything stronger than ennui or mild anxiety, and if Margo were moved to tears, her sobs would be drowned out by the pleas for mercy from her hapless victims.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/21/11

Parson Tuttle is of course a notorious fraud without even the rudiments of a theological education, but based on that look of shock in panel two it appears that Parson Dickens isn’t, which will spell trouble for Hootin’ Holler’s beloved clergyman/grifter. “Tarnation, he’s callin’ a vacation a ‘sabbatical’? That’s sullyin’ the name of th’ sabbath — a violation of the fourth commandment! Welp, better gather th’ townsfolk for a good old-fashioned stonin’.”

Momma, 11/21/11

This strip would have been funnier (note that I didn’t say “funny”) if it had hinged on the contrast between Francis’ archaic CRT set and the flat-screen TVs that have pretty much been the only new televisions sold for the better part of a decade. But apparently that would require someone involved in the production of Momma to know that high-tech items like flat-screen TVs exist.

Post Content

Spider-Man, 11/20/11

“What’s shakin’, Jolly Jonah? Hope you recognize my voice through my mask.” “Parker, is that you? Why the hell are you wearing a mask?” “No, it’s Spid … uh, I, uh … [CLICK]”

I certainly hope that the “All the news that’s fit — to print…?” narration box, despite its baffling punctuation, heralds a move away from this boring “Big Boss” storyline and instead presages Jonah and Robbie arguing about how the Bugle can move into the 21st century and become a Web-centric media outlet, or at least figure out how to cut down on the costs of producing a legacy print product. “Hey, Jonah, look at these huge gutters between the panels on the comics page! We could probably fit in some more ads if we got rid of those.”

This is probably as good a time as any to let you know that J. Jonah Jameson has a Twitter (in ALL CAPS, obviously).

Mary Worth, 11/20/11

It’s really sad to see how deeply this minor-league purse snatching has shaken Mary, as asking Toby to lead you anywhere is generally a sign that you’ve lost your will to live. In panel three, though, we can see that Toby’s scarf is swiveling to always point the same direction as her head when her neck turns, which may indicate that we’re dealing with an advanced and competent robotic Toby replacement.

Dick Tracy, 11/20/11

Were you hoping that the revamped Dick Tracy would come across less like a classic gangster flick from the ’40s and more like a modern episode of Cops, full of drunken domestic disputes? Well, here you go!

Post Content

Pluggers, 11/19/11

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty relieved that there is a separate, distinct “Pluggerville,” because that means that my chances of actually encountering one of these freakish manimals is slim to none. Whichever band of government scientists created the monstrous, unnatural Plugger race wisely decided to exile them to a single city, which is hopefully surrounded by barbed wire, or perhaps placed on an inaccessible island somewhere, the surrounding waters patrolled by Navy gunboats. Thankfully the wretched beasts are entertaining themselves with pie-baking contests and such, rather than organizing into a fearful human-animal hybrid army bent on revenging themselves on the real monsters, the ones who created them in violation of all morals and decency, i.e., us.

Judge Parker, 11/19/11

SOPHIE-UNIT’S ALGORITHM OF EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT IS NOT ADVANCED ENOUGH TO ANALYZE “COMPLEXITY!” DOES DEREK-UNIT LOVE HONEY-UNIT OR NOT? Y/N/RETRY/ABORT? RETURN LATER FOR GUITAR LESSONS AND AN IMPROVED SOFTWARE PACKAGE FOR EMOTIONAL MODELING! RECOMPILING … RECOMPILING … STAND BY …