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Let’s just jump right into our COTW this week, shall we?

“I really can’t blame Mary. That horrible kerning would be haunting me, too.” –Katie

Also, the runners up! Very funny!

“‘How did you know I have a gun?’ ‘Because I know you’re not that happy to see me.'” –Chyron HR

“It’s funny, because both Anne and TJ can only use sex for evil — pure, pure evil! — so expect TJ’s employment to lead, inevitably, to the hideous two-headed Devil Baby subplot that Luann always seems to promise but never quite delivers.” –MikeyMike

“Mary may have forgotten her sweater, but she remembered her scarf! You could be otherwise nude, but if you’re wearing a scarf, you’re more than well-dressed enough for a fine restaurant or a term in the Senate. (This message brought to you by the Charterstone Scarfery circa 1974.)” –gkl

“Speaking of doodling, making up songs and playing interactive games, when has Mary last had sex with Dr. Jeff?” –Dood

“Crankshaft really is the right choice of a strip to focus on the importance of regular prostate checks, because when I think of assholes, Crankshaft is the first thing that comes to mind.” –Yusaku777

“RE: the hair. The reason it looks wrong is because you use hair to make a ponytail, so there should be less volume of hair underneath the ponytail. Here there isn’t, implying that the ponytail is actually a weave that MJ stuck onto the top of her normal hair. Also that she’s 12 years old in the ’90s.” –Moana

“Hey, now, sad sack receptionist, Westview is happiness-free.” –bunivasal

“Oh I can’t wait until the strip where Summer goes home and she and Les have a bitch off. She can piss and moan that Bull dared to make a joke and take any credit for her rehab. Les will whine about winning a free trip he doesn’t want to go on. It will eventually devolve into Les and Summer alternately yelling at each other ‘Dead Lisa’ and ‘Torn ACL.'” –Marc

“If you’re not reading this week’s Mark Trail with the Star Trek fight music running through your head, I pity you.” –Ed Dravecky

“I’m more interested in the unsaid storyline of today’s Apartment 3-G, where Margo can’t quite figure out what is stuck in Lu Ann’s hair.” –sporknpork

“Oh yay, now begins A3G’s grim, arduous death march back to the status quo. I, for one, was really enjoying the story of how Paul and Lu Ann got engaged, then prepared for a wedding, then broke up. It was even more heart-wrenching than the saga of how Tommie got a job as a songwriter and sort of forgot to do it.” –Snuggs

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Marmaduke, 12/9/11

I don’t think the Marmaduke creative team has ever seen a vegetarian before, or at least they haven’t bothered to come up with some kind of visual shorthand to differentiate vegetarians from one of the run-of-the-mill miscellaneous middle-aged humans flummoxed by Marmaduke. Marmaduke’s mind is boggling anyway, presumably at the concept that any living being can feed without something dying in agony.

Apartment 3-G, 12/9/11

“It’s just that … Paul’s a creepy, controlling weirdo, and he deserves a passive, empty-headed wife who will do whatever he says and not be unsettled by his demands. I thought I could be that wife! But it turns out that sometimes I have opinions.”

Marvin, 12/9/11

Oh, man, cat, you do not want to get into a shitting contest with Marvin. You’re going to regret the day you ever learned to poop in a box, my friend.

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Mark Trail, 12/8/11

Hi everyone! You’ve probably been wondering what’s happening in Mark Trail. WOLVES! WOLVES! is what’s happening. Panel two is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen in this strip. Between Kelly’s huge eyes and flapping lapels and WOLVES!, I think I might even love it unironically. The fact that it’s heralding an epic bear vs. wolfpack fight is just icing on the cake.

Beetle Bailey, 12/8/11

Maybe Kelly Welly should have wandered into a gentler valley, like this one, full of animals that are the product of “scientists” doing “research,” as imagined by someone who isn’t really clear on what research entails or what scientists do or what animals look like. Ha ha, that one bird sure is boozing it up! That seems significant.

Mary Worth, 12/8/11

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, this brutish ginger kidnapper-thug is going to perpetrate the most unspeakable crime anyone could imagine: he’s going to steal the sweater that Mary left at the diner. THE WOMAN ALREADY HAD HER PURSE STOLEN! HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH???