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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/17/11

Ha ha, it’s not a real Rex Morgan plot until a formerly sympathetic character suddenly proves to be unsympathetic for no good reason! Principal Hallman has angered Summer by insisting that her daughter is a dirty little liar who goes to parties with bad boys (he is 100 percent correct about this), which leads her to bring out the heavy artillery: namely, that she knows he’s totally lying about being an Iraq War vet! Back when he first busted out his phony baloney combat story, Summer looked all sympathetic, because she thought she might want to do him; now that’s off the table, so it’s time for her to humiliate him. “It’s true!” he’ll sob. “I just found this sweet Army hat in the break room at school and started wearing it around, and then people stared asking questions, and, well, things just got out of control! I never meant for it to go this far!”

Dick Tracy, 11/17/11

Holy crap, square-jawed super-Aryan Dick Tracy spending the Festival of Lights with the Catchem clan is the greatest Hanukkah present anyone could possibly give me! I look forward to Sam lighting the menorah with his cigarette as he tells the story of the Maccabean Revolt, after which Dick will vow to hunt down Antiochus Epiphanes and pump him full of lead.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/17/11

“Especially not our pizza! It tastes like cardboard and greasy, greasy tears!”

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Hey everybody! I suddenly woke up and realized that it was 2011 and I need to have my SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY in order! Apparently this whole “social networking” business is not just a passing fad, and probably many of you ENJOY reading funny things from your favorite funny people on these sites, so who am I to deny you my wit, in social media form?

What will you get if you follow me on your favorite social networking site?

• Jokes that I think up!
• Links to things I think are funny!
• Occasional links to things I think are not funny, but important, including some political stuff, so be on guard if political opinions other than your own cause you rage!
• A daily link to the Comics Curmudgeon when I update it!
• Links to other things I write, when I write them!

If that sounds like a lot, it really isn’t. No more than, say, five things a day, usually, and often only one or two. And I’m basically going to be posting the same stuff to all my social media accounts (baring space restraints), so you really only ought to follow me on one of the following, whichever happens to be your favorite:

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Tumblr
• Google+

And one final note: That Facebook link is to my newly created Facebook fan page. While I’ve never publicized my actual personal Facebook page, a lot of readers have found it in the past and friended me; but I’m going to be pruning my personal Facebook page back to people I actually know (and I count working with someone online as “knowing”) soon, so if you only know me through my writing, please like my fan page.

Thanks! And now I promise to not blather on about social media anymore, because really it’s kind of dumb. We now return you to discussion of more important things, like Mary Worth’s carefully maintained list of important phone numbers for her financial institutions.

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Gil Thorp, 11/16/11

Trust me, the current plot of Gil Thorp is totally not worth time time it would take for me to describe it to you, but I do think everyone can find today’s strip amusing. Say what you will about those Mudlarks, but they sure are together emotionally. Most high school athletes would probably be cowed or angry when one of their coaches freaked out on them, but these guys just sweatily crack wise and do a little armchair (or sideline bench) psychoanalysis. “Ho hum, another high school football coach who’s just living vicariously through us, probably because his life peaked during his own high school days and now he’s way too emotionally invested in these largely meaningless contests! I mean, he’s right, we do suck, but he should be taking an entirely different motivational tack if he expects us to respect him.”

Judge Parker, 11/16/11

If only Derek were so self-aware; instead, it’s becoming increasingly clear that his feeble teenage wits are no match for Sophie’s robotic intelligence and grim determination to possess him “I’m sure you had no idea … but she threatened me today, after I openly declared my intentions of stealing you away from her! It was totally unprovoked, except for the part where I kept taunting her!”

Ziggy, 11/16/11

Ha ha, those wacky foreigners! Not so bright, but very, very hungry! They’re starving! Literally. Because of the famines. Wacky!

Hi and Lois, 11/16/11

In other news, Trixie thinks her mom is fucking the dog, I guess.