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Mary Worth, 5/31/11

I ran into a friend of mine at the supermarket yesterday and he asked me, because I’m “that guy” now, what was new in the comics, and because I embrace my role as “that guy,” I started waxing rhapsodic about the stalkertastic action in Mary Worth, and for the first time it really occurred to me that the strip may be actively trying to recapture the stalky magic of Aldomania 2006. They’re going to have to really amp up the crazy to top that legendary storyline, of course, but today’s installment is promising. Liza will apparently go to any length to prevent Drew from breaking up with her, and if that means arranging an impromptu surprise birthday party for him on a day that is very much not his birthday, then so be it.

B.C., 5/31/11

As noted, neo-B.C. is putting way too much effort into gags like this, which were transparently created as excuses to photocopy some clip art and then call it a day. Today’s installment is actually an example of how trying too hard actively lessens the strip’s quality. Since beloved B.C. character Grog is a subhuman dullard and almost certainly illiterate, it would have been more realistic to portray him as continuing to stare dumbly ahead for two panels, rather than react with horror at the thought of a small business and all the precious but desperately hocked items within going up in flames.

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Hi and Lois, 5/30/11

I admit to being tickled at how pleased Hi looks about … well, everything in this cartoon. Since nothing Thirsty is saying could possibly have generated such merriment, I’m forced to conclude that Hi has finally decided to “believe the hype” about his own name and gotten high as way to endure yet another day of crushing suburban ennui.

Baldo, 5/30/11

Tia Carmen apparently believes that pots are unhappy unless they’re being tortured, with fire.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/30/11

Just another night in Hootin’ Holler, where the rodent infestation is so bad that people literally can’t sleep because of the awful noise of thousands of tiny claws!

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Mark Trail, 5/29/11

Mark Trail is always willing to take time off from his busy bad-guy punching schedule to teach you about the ocean, and all the ways it can kill you. Riptides may not be as sexy as tsunami or terrifying gangs of flying squid, but you are more likely to encounter them on your Memorial Day beach weekend. Plus, demonstrating how you can survive a riptide gives Mark the excuse he needs to strip off his shirt and display some sexy shoulder for your ogling pleasure. Rowr!

Family Circus, 5/29/11

While semi-naked Mark Trail is probably only of prurient interest to those of you who are into dudes, I think all of us can enjoy this Family Circus, in which the Keane Kids weep inconsolably while their parents ignore them.