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Sorry this is going up so late, guys — I spent the day seeing tons of movies at the always awesome Maryland Film Festival (and if you’re within driving distance of Baltimore, I expect you to be there this weekend). But anyway: your comment of the week!

“I just want to say to anyone who thinks today’s Mark Trail is like gay porn: you have bad taste in gay porn.” –nescio

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Ziggy’s never ridden anyone in his life and likely never will, so this is his big chance! With the cost priced at Ziggy’s income level and his pants already off, Ziggy is ready for action.” –S. Stout

“I like to think that Mr. Wilson’s evil, hate-filled gaze caused Dennis’s glass to implode. I think that giving Mr. Wilson freaky mind-powers would make this strip the indisputable greatest thing, ever. If you disagree with that statement, merely imagine it as, ‘Grumpy Old Men: Scanners.’ Still don’t like the idea? That’s all right; telekinetic Mr. Wilson knows where you live and can literally change your mind.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Berna and Rex lean over the parapet to see Dex yelling from a trap door. Soon, they will scramble down the leaning slab to rescue him. It’s true what they say: Brutalism’s spatial vocabulary is overconstrained.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Greatest trios in history: 5. Bird, McHale, Parrish. 4. Moe, Larry, Curly. 3. Cobain, Grohl, Novaselic. 2. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. 1. Today’s Mark Trail: Tron, Thundarr the Barbarian, and Jeff Hostetler.” –Gene S.

“I thought I was grossed out by Les’s kissing Lisa because Lisa is dead. But no, now that I see Les kissing a living woman, that’s gross too. From the way he extends his lips, I imagine they squish like liver and are slightly watery around the edges.” –Katy

“I know it’s way too much to hope that Savarna has found true love with a nice human male who carries on normal conversations and never wears purple tights and stripey shorts. But she does seem genuinely gleeful, so I’m hoping she recently discovered vibrators.” –Poteet

“Humans are less to us than beasts are to them! For example, it wouldn’t even occur to any human to force beasts to watch this idiotic storyline play out! Their compassion is their weakness!” –Doctor Handsome

“When exactly did Martine change from last week’s brown-housecoat-over-a-pink-dress ensemble to her current ‘Jazzercize bride of darkness’ look, anyway?” –TheDiva

“So Quill did not go to the pageant, apparently. He had the opportunity to attend an abysmally conceived and almost unfathomably haphazardly executed parade of shame at a jam-packed frankfurter emporium and he just let it pass? What the hell did he even come to this country for, anyway?” –Violet

“Tips from Mark Trail: If you’re out in the woods and without a sleeping bag, find a giant summer squash, cut it open and use it as your sleeping bag. It’s squishy, but warm.” –Dood

“Oy, mopey Les sex. What am I bet that he gives her the cancer with his sad, sad wiener?” –Hamsterpants

“THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT NOISES AROUND HERE, ANDY! YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HERE IN THE PART OF THE FOREST WHERE IT IS BOTH NIGHT AND DAY SIMULTANEOUSLY. IF YOU DISTURB THE WILD YOU MIGHT ATTRACT UNWANTED ATTENTION FROM BEARS, THAT COUGAR WE SAW MOMENTS AGO, OR THE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS MAN WE’RE STALKING!! BUT ITS NOTHING FOR EXPERIENCED WOODSMEN LIKE US TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! I’LL JUST FALL ASLEEP AN INCH FROM THIS UNATTENDED FIRE AND I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNIzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZzZZZ…” –Black Drazon

Oh, I read you! You want to see my shrine to my dead wife in the attic!” –AndyL

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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Dick Tracy, 5/6/11

Sure, the characters in Dick Tracy under the new artists have recognizable faces and hands that bear some passing resemblance to human appendages, but we longtime readers must know if the retooled strip will really meet the levels of depravity we demand. While nobody’s died horribly yet on-panel, this plotline, which had previously been about the Plentys and their freakishly ugly baby winning some kind of contest from a flour company, just took a turn for the hilarious as we learn that said flour company is using its legal white-powder-distribution networks to sneak blow into the well-muscled arms of hilariously stereotyped drug dealers. Except there’s been a wacky mixup! One that has, one presumes, delivered a mountain of cocaine to the Plentys! If next week features their unwitting manic binge, I think all of us monsters who read this strip will be pretty pleased.

Judge Parker, 5/6/11

Wait a minute, Constance! Maybe the Japanese tsunami was her fault! Do you know for sure that her company wasn’t working on some terrifying and highly profitable doomsday device? It’s best to get all the facts when dealing with people with super-villainous jobs.

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Spider-Man, 5/5/11

I was about to give this dreary Spider-Man vampire plot credit for its first genuine bit of horror, as Martine and Morbius’s eyes are suddenly and without explanation transformed into awful, toothy mouths, but then I realized that their pupils have just turned into bats — very, very crudely drawn bats — and it’s supposed to be, like, symbolic or whatever.

Apartment 3-G, 5/5/11

Ha, and now that Trey’s softened up the old man, Margo comes in to apply some brutality. “I hope the money’s coming from Herriman and Fowler! Just make that check out to ‘Trey and Margo’s sex vacation fund,’ or my associate here will be forced to do terrible, terrible things to you, and not the fun kind.”

Funky Winkerbean, 5/5/11

Have you been thinking, “Damn it, I wish Les would stop toying with these two women who for unexplainable reasons are attracted to him and just pick one to share his lovemaking stylings with”? Well, I’ll bet you’re sorry now.

Mark Trail, 5/5/11

As Mark squirmed into his cocoon, he thought of the many long-haired and bearded men whom he had defeated via fisticuffs over the years. But little did he know that he would soon be facing his greatest nemesis ever: Jesus Christ.