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Herb and Jamaal, 9/29/11

While politicians and economists bicker about the best way to restart the world’s faltering economy, Herb and Jamaal dares to think outside the box, suggesting that a pornography-based monetary system might lead to more responsible spending habits.

Mary Worth, 9/29/11

Oh no! Gina’s attempts to reach Bobby are stymied by the team’s manager, who, among his many other duties, apparently gets to field random phone calls from members of the public. You might think he’s harsh in his refusal to pass along to his players the phone numbers of ladies who are holding onto an eternal love and/or who are interested in having sex with them, but you can’t argue with his results. Not every manager in this high-powered professional soccer league has earned the coveted 1st Place certificate for the team office!

Apartment 3-G, 9/29/11

“Um, Lu Ann, have you forgotten that I’m a piano mover and you’re an art teacher? The only ‘flat’ we could afford in New York would be the flat space between two flights of stairs. What do they call that? Oh, yeah, a landing. We could afford to live on a landing. And not south of the park, either.”

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Marvin, 9/28/11

If there’s one thing Marvin likes, it’s poop jokes. But if there are two things Marvin likes, they’re poop jokes and strips based on a theme where you can do a whole series of them that re-use a lot of the same art. I’m assuming we’ll be treated to several more days of Marvin’s Baby Definitions (ha ha, it’s funny that baby is making up his own definition of words, because he’s sassy, and also because in real life babies’ brains are incapable of abstract verbal thought!), all of which will be accompanied by drawings as nonspecific as this. Yes, that Marvin sure is giving the evil eye to his babysitters, or his parents, or maybe one babysitter and one parent, who the hell knows. Is the person on the left supposed to be a teenager, because they’re wearing baggy pants, because of the rap music? Argh, I’m trying to figure out who a Marvin character is supposed to be, let me stop now before I lose my capacity for joy permanently.

UPDATE: Oh God a “baby sitter” is actually a potty-training device and Marvin’s parents are staring at him while he tries to poop on command in the middle of the living room YUCK YUCK YUCK. Thanks a lot, faithful reader Chareth Cutestory, for pointing out that all Marvin strips are about pooping, even the ones that don’t seem to be about pooping at first.

Ziggy, 9/28/11

Speaking of poop jokes, one of Ziggy’s poops is quoting Star Trek at him! Or maybe a character from Star Trek has beamed into his toilet? Or maybe he’s undergoing some kind of psychotic break. That seems more likely.

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Mark Trail, 9/27/11

Is it possible for a character in Mark Trail to behave in a fashion so detached from the realities of human motivation that he will shock even Mark into self-awareness? To recap: Mountie McQueen is afraid that people will find out that he and his mother are engaged in the odd but (to the best of my knowledge) wholly innocent and legal pastime of putting bands printed with bible verses on the legs of geese. This bible-banding operation was stumbled upon by Andy, a dog who can neither understand what he saw at Mother McQueen’s cabin nor describe it to anyone else. Nevertheless, the risk of exposure is too great, and now Andy must be taken prisoner based on a completely fabricated rabies scare.

Mark’s befuddled “What?” shows that this is one insane thing too much even for a man who deals with insane things without comment every day of his life. If nothing else, one must assume that Andy’s rabies shots are all up to date, seeing as Mark’s live-in father-in-law is a vet. (You’d also think that Andy would have been fixed, too, though the way he scampered off after Princess might imply otherwise.)

Funky Winkerbean, 9/27/11

Oh look, it’s the time of year where Les worries frantically that his Lisa’s Legacy Walk will somehow go awry and fail to keep up its streak of not curing cancer. This year everyone will be pelted by a cold rain, which, if we’re lucky, will mean that after the strip’s next time jump Summer will be running the Les’s Legacy Walk to cure pneumonia.

Gil Thorp, 9/27/11

Was that sports action in panel one too thrilling for you? Don’t worry: in panel two, you only have to hear about a fumble being run back for a touchdown, and can relax by just looking at a guy handing a football to a ref. In panel three, just enjoy a soothing Marty Moon closeup rather than looking at something anxiety-inducing like a successful two-point conversion.

Momma, 9/27/11

Aren’t Momma’s memories of her long-dead husband usually quite worshipful? This strip implies that she held him in as much passive-aggressive contempt as she does her children. Actually, from the dubious way that picture is looking at her, it seems that she’s had his soul preserved in photographic form via dark magic, the better to torment him throughout eternity.