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Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/26/23

CASSANDRA [bursting through the studio door]: Quick, Kopy, I need a favor. Put this portrait up on your easel and act like you’re painting me. I’ve already made sure that I’m wearing the same clothes as in the picture; let me get myself in position so I get the strut exactly right.

KOPY: Gee, Cassandra, this painting is completely dry, and I don’t even have any blue paint out. Slylock’s gonna see right through this scheme! You’d better just run if you don’t want to get caught.

CASSANDRA [posing sexily, just they way she knows Slylock likes it]: Who said anything about not getting caught?

Dick Tracy, 11/26/23

OK, yes, ha ha, Sam’s colleagues on the Major Crimes Unit are razzing him by implying he’s going to extract saliva from their suspect X. Libris by smooching her, and Liz is even demonstrating the frenching technique he’ll used to acquire an adequate sample size, but we need to talk about the metaphor Sam is deploying in response in the final panel. I guess we’re supposed to visualize him … face down in the gutter? Sort of swimming along? But he’s wearing a snorkel, so he can get a real good look at what’s going on down there? And these floating brains keep blocking his access to air? It’s all very unsettling, and once they solve this series of gruesome stab murders, probably everyone on the squad should sue everyone else for creating a hostile work environment.

Gasoline Alley, 11/26/23

Hey, did you know that back in the early ’80s, Bolero was considered a top “sex record”, a cliched thing you’d put on the old hi-fi if you brought a special person back to your pad and were ready to get down? Not saying that’s what’s going on here, but I do invite you to imagine going home with someone and instead of hopping into bed they insisted you wait for a bizarre cat food commercial featuring singing mice, to “set the mood.”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/25/23

Well, the Harwoods are going to feel pretty foolish when they learn that it wasn’t Rene’s high-powered lawyers that got him sprung out of jail. The cynical answer isn’t always the correct one, guys! Now, it is true in fact he’s free because he’s using the Mirakle Method to build an army of hypnotized disciples, some of whom are in highly placed positions of power, who will follow his every whim, but I say we should wait a bit to see how that plays out before we get too worried about it.

The Lockhorns, 11/25/23

This is the sort of statment that you would expect someone to deliver with a wistful sigh, and what makes Leroy Leroy and makes the Lockhorns great is that instead he’s just seething. Stupid highway full of assholes. Stupid Robert Frost and his stupid poetry, planted in the lyric and narrative traditions while pointing the way towards modernism! Screw him! Two roads diverged in a yellow wood my ass.

Beetle Bailey, 11/25/23

Some people will tell you that America’s military budget is hopeless bloated. But I for one would be willing to pay higher taxes if it means that our brave soldiers could have decent internet access so they could access high-quality streaming pornography and didn’t have to jerk off to annotated romance novels. I just respect the troops that much.

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As you slowly digest your Thanksgiving meal, enjoy a hearty chuckle at this week’s comment of the week!

“I figure he’d rather stay out of jail than cause us any trouble. Unless he can figure out a way to do both; then we’re screwed.” –Pozzo

These runners up are also something to be thankful for!

“‘And on a third hand…’ Just how many hands does this CIA woman HAVE, anyway? Was she issued additional hands when she joined the CIA? Who’s PAYING for all these extra hands, I’d like to know? I’m assuming she’s allowed to carry a concealed hand, but you can’t do much with that unless you have the extra arm stock. No wonder our taxes are so high!” –Charterstoned

“So, a steady diet of cottage cheese results in a grotesquely misshapen head? Seems like something people should know.” –MKay

“I know people dress up for church, but do they normally wear tuxedos with bow ties and pocket squares? Are the Mitchells are watching their son harass the maître d’ at the fanciest, most blasphemous restaurant in town?” –Schroduck

“The sly little smile makes so much sense though. ‘You think we’re only on those phones for four hours. Think again, cow, think again.’” –Roam85

“Imagine you’re a young, idealistic woman like Sonia. You search for your biological dad; you have high expectations for him but then it turns out his profession and lifestyle conflict with your principles. Break relations, no great loss, right? WRONG! He will trace you back and start banging your mom! Happy therapy!” –Ettorre

“I like how Mary doesn’t even try to be discrete about dishing on the new neighbor. I mean, look how smug she looks! ‘Yeah, I caught a pretty hot one this time. It’s like I always say, Toby: keep at least 4 casseroles on hand at all times, you never know when one is going to pay big gossipy dividends.’” –pugfuggly

“I do like the implication that Julius sneaks off-base to steal mints from a local hotel so he can accurately replicate his rituals from his motel days. Presumably we’ll eventually get a strip that’s just a headline reading ‘local soldier shot while breaking and entering; protests that he only wanted candy.’” –ectojazzmage

“[Offscreen: a 3-inch binder that Mary peruses as she speaks] For example, were you aware of Keith‘s long and torturous journey through potty training? According to testimony from his mother offered during his Navy SEAL background check…” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Women: caring whether their loved ones live or die! You gotta hand it to ’em. [shakes head ruefully]” –a.

“The Mitchell’s discovered holidays are much more manageable if they lace Dennis’s portion of turkey with crushed Benadryl tablets.” –nescio

“This is a very important moment in Margaret’s development; you can see the scales fall from her eyes as she reflects, ‘you know, maybe he really is just a lump of clay.’ She’s way ahead of schedule and has my unreserved admiration and respect.” –Violet

“Comic strips are a visual medium, Rex Morgan! I want to see the humorously disparate sizes of these lawyers!” –matt w

“Who here has to most to be thankful for? Mimi for having a husband and children that look the other way on her aggressive infidelity? Keri for having parents that are completely apathetic about a 15-year-old who casually gets pregnant and attacks her classmates with weapons? Gil for achieving success, acclaim, and stability despite being an abject failure as a coach, teacher, husband, father, and overall human being? No, it’s Mimi’s mother, who will soon be dead from her vague terminal illness and free of all this nonsense.” –jroggs

“There’s no room on that tiny table to put the turkey down. Good thing Mary is prepared to stand there all day like a robot butler.” –Peanut Gallery

“Today, pluggers are torn between two worlds: Enjoying the naked celebration of consumerism that made their generation everything it is, and complaining about things being different than they used to be.” –Amelie Wikström

“[Checks in on Judge Parker for the first time in months] wait they live in America, right, wouldn’t it be the FBI who[immediately gets angry with myself for putting even that much thought into it it]” –Dan

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