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Summer lovin’ and hatin’

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Archie, 7/7/11

Since Gil Thorp seems determined to deny us our summer of joyous insanity for like the third year in a row (SERIOUSLY THEY ARE DOING A GOLF PLOT AGAIN WHAT THE HELL) we need to take our school-themed wackiness where we can find it. For instance, today Miss Grundy is on yet another desultory date with Prof. Weatherbee, which mainly serves to cover up the hot and heavy affair she’s been having with Moose all summer.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/7/11

It’s my understanding that little dots and bubbles around a cartoon character’s head generally denote intoxication, so I’m going to assume that “sleeping like a grownup” means that Maw drunk herself to sleep again.

Mary Worth, 7/7/11

“I mean, why would anyone become romantically obsessed with me? I’m rude and self-absorbed, and I don’t exactly have the looks to make up for it! It just doesn’t make any sense!”

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Cruel Wednesday

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Jumble, 7/6/11

Wow, this is an unexpectedly grim scenario for the Jumble. What could possibly be the subject of this epic debate between man and cow? I’m guessing it’s “Resolved: It is morally acceptable for humans to eat cows,” which explains why both parties are so angry: this is no mere academic enterprise. Unfortunately, the cows had no chance of winning the debate because everything they said was a series of moos and lowing noises. “You’ll have to speak English if you expect us to respect what you have to say!” jeered the farmers. Then, having declared themselves the winners, they led the cows off to the slaughterhouse.

Wizard of Id, 7/6/11

Since (despite what you might guess) I don’t own an extensive collection of mouldering Wizard of Id paperbacks from the ’60s and ’70s, I have no idea whether the recent trend in the strip for the Wizard to be more cruel and diabolical is a return to the character’s origin or just a what-the-hell-why-not impulse from the creative team, but I can’t say I entirely disapprove of it. Today he lives out every science geek’s fantasy of making those who find his hobby boring into unwilling experimental subjects.

Ziggy, 7/6/11

At last, the truth comes out: Ziggy is a damn dirty communist. I don’t approve of Joseph McCarthy’s methods, but if we could maybe arrange a Congressional hearing at the climax of which Ziggy would be blacklisted, that’d be great.

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Tuesday quickies

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Dennis the Menace, 7/5/11

After years of biding his time, Dennis has finally decided to go into environmental menacing. “Once those mountains have been leveled so we can get at the coal underneath them, and the forests have been stripped and replaced by endless cul-de-sacs filled with vulgar homes far too large for their lots, this will be a vista worth looking at, by God.”

Mary Worth, 7/5/11

It turns out the only thing Drew finds more unsettling than a lady claiming to be his girlfriend when she isn’t is any indication that not everyone considers a career in the healing arts to be the pinnacle of human achievement. “You mean … she left her medical job … to pursue a career as some kind of common peddler of trinkets? How gauche!”

Hi and Lois, 7/5/11

As the fireworks of America’s Independence Day holiday fade, it’s up to each of us to ask in seriousness: What does freedom mean? To Trixie, clearly freedom denotes the ability to void one’s bladder or bowels without having to worry about minutes or hours spent sitting in a soiled diaper. Babies are disgusting, in other words.