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Crock, 7/1/11

Do you think that the Crock creative team realizes that a timeshare is in fact a kind of real estate, and thus cannot be contained in a small box of the sort that our protagonist is attempting to offer to his desert god? It’s possible that the strip creators’ sense of time and space is permanently skewed: they may have long ago forgotten that the running gag about the hotboxes being spacious inside is indeed a running gag, and have come to believe that structures in the Crockiverse are simply dimensionally transcendental. This makes sense, as Crock is singularity from which no joy or humor can escape, and where the normal rules of existence simply don’t apply.

Mary Worth, 7/1/11

Mary Worth dialogue that bears no resemblance to any speech act that an even vaguely human creature would perpetrate is of course par for the course, but Liza’s line in panel two is really something else. Pretty much the only context I can imagine for “Despite what happened, I’m excited about my future for the first time!” is the end of a long televised show trial, right before the speaker, at whom a number of guns just off camera are pointing, is shipped off to a re-education camp.

Apartment 3-G, 7/1/11

“So I hope you’ll understand that I have to request that you and your brother Paul refrain from physical relations, as that would be disgusting.”

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Beetle Bailey, 6/30/11

Oh, look, Sarge is suffering symbolic humiliation, wallowing in filth while shadowy figures and freakish beasts laugh at him! Looks like we’ve invaded his dream again. Don’t worry, Sarge, we’re not enjoying this Freudian hellscape any more than you are.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/30/11

Well, looks like Susan is going to slink awkwardly back into the sunset, after lunging at Les and becoming an object of derision for it (because, you know, Les, gross). I like the sudden look of manic joy on her face in panel two: “No matter where I am in the world, I’ll watch your movie obsessively, because that will be the only way I can be close to you?” “Don’t bother,” Les replies, “any theater showing the film will also be covered by the restraining order.”

Ziggy, 6/30/11

Have you ever wondered what forms of human entertainment would sexually arouse your pets? Well, wonder no more! Here’s to another 40 years of queasy-making perversion from Ziggy!

Hagar the Horrible, 6/30/11

Hagar continues its semi-informed meandering through Norse history, and it looks like it’s hit the Little Ice Age. I look forward to watching the characters all die of starvation.

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Mary Worth, 6/29/11

So, this might not be the most outrageous moment in Mary Worth history — nobody died in a fiery car crash, or was lured into a sex den or thrown bodily out of a rehearsal dinner — but it’s delightfully shocking all the same. Mary has decided to help Liza by finding an outlet for her persistent nature! And by “persistent” we means “psychotic.” Liza will be the kind of salesperson who repeatedly calls you to urge you to buy whatever it is she’s peddling, shows up at your work and home unannounced with already filled out paperwork so you can “just finalize that deal we worked out,” and eventually rifle through your trash to find your signature, the better to forge it and close the sale with your consent. She’ll be a millionaire within a year!

Marmaduke, 6/29/11

Speaking of aggressive salespeople, Marmaduke has done pretty well in establishing this magazine shill as threatening with only some sunglasses and a leer. Not that he’ll be trouble for long, as Marmaduke is going to eat him in a minute.

Marvin, 6/29/11

“Oh, and in unrelated news, we dogs have managed to develop bipedalism and opposable digits. Combine that with our powers of telepathic communication and you humans are totally screwed!”

Spider-Man, 6/29/11

“Oh, that’s right, I had to fire everyone at the paper, because of the Internet. Welp, guess I’ll update the blog and call it a night!”