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Crankshaft, 5/22/11

A linguistic phenomenon I’ve always found quite interesting is the so-called euphemism treadmill, a process by which taboo concepts are denoted by euphemistic phrases that eventually become so strongly associated with the taboo concept that they lose their euphemistic quality, which means that a new euphemism is required. Take the phrase “toilet paper,” for instance. “Toilet” is itself a euphemism — it originally referred to a lady’s dressing table, and thus was used obliquely to refer to other things that might go on in a room where the lady dresses. Now, of course, the word is intrinsically associated with a porcelain bowl that you poop and pee into, so we need new ways to talk around it. Thus we now have “bathroom tissue,” or, as the sign I noticed in the supermarket today would have it, “bath tissue,” a phrase that would make zero sense out of cultural context because, really, who would use a tissue in the bath? It would get all soggy and clumpy! While this is a topic I’m interested in, this has all largely been an attempt on my part to ignore the fact that today’s Crankshaft features the strip’s title character complaining about the chafing on his tender anus, but I’m going to have to admit to myself now that this attempt has not worked out.

Apartment 3-G, 5/22/11

As usual, the Sunday A3G offers no new plot information, but does provide a slightly different take on the week’s events. Surely we’re all glad to have seen the fourth panel here, in which a wild-eyed Paul holds the bouquet in a strangling grip and proclaims his intention to take it to his grave.

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Dick Tracy, 5/21/11

I’m sorry to say that the current Dick Tracy plot is kind of OK on atmospherics but in general low on overall insanity. Isn’t Dick Tracy supposed to be some high-grade supercop? Doesn’t having him chase after cocaine smugglers seem like a waste of his talents? But maybe fate has conspired to bring him in contact with the Plentys’ monstrous baby, seen here in the background using its inhuman strength to cause its father permanent brain damage. If there’s any character in the comics pages who’d be willing to kill a baby that needs killing, it’s Dick Tracy.

Dennis the Menace, 5/21/11

One of the more jarring and hilarious things about Dennis’s ongoing de-Menacification is that Mr. Wilson’s contempt and loathing for him has been ratcheted back not at all, making him less a put-upon elderly gent and more a hateful sociopath. Today provides a particularly laughable example. “He’s bringing over a neatly wrapped anniversary present for us? HOW DARE HE!!!!”

Marmaduke, 5/21/11

You guys, can you seriously doubt that Marmaduke is the most terrifying kind of demon? He has literally stolen something from God and refuses to give it back! HIS POWERS ARE UNFATHOMABLE! No wonder the other dogs surround him in a worshipful pose.

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Damn it, I thought that since the Rapture was going to happen Saturday there was no point in bothering with the comment of the week Friday night, but 6 pm has come and gone and we’re all still here, so might as well put it up.

“I can’t be the only one reading resentment and spite into Doris’s dialogue in A3G, can I? ‘I won’t be able to leave until I throw this into the crowd? Fine. Here you go, assholes! Now get out of my way.’ I mean, why else would she toss the bouquet like that, overhand and facing forward? My guess is she deliberately threw it at Paul because she wanted to make the other ladies sad. Meanwhile, poor dim Lu Ann just says what she sees. Five minutes ago, it was ‘Paul! You ate food!'” –thebirdgirl

And the runners up! Very funny!

“I’m trying to imagine you with all those pretty girls, Killer, but my vision is obscured by a cloud of pepper spray.” –NoahSnark

“The mournful words from her companion’s mouth were merely a dull buzz to Elviney. She had seen the perversion of the man, pale and smelling of powder and chemicals. While this had turned Loweezy away, Elviney could barely resist its sick draw. She would be back for the still man-thing, under cover of night, and she would have her way with it.” –Katie Cunningham

“I love how the little narration box has no punctuation at all. Ordinarily, I feel like your main character being shoved violently (by … a stick, I guess) into a pit of undetermined depth would elicit an exclamation point, or even an ellipsis to broaden the suspense, but not even the inkers give a shit about Mark anymore. ‘Yeah, yeah, shoved in a pit, possible broken limbs or railroad spikes, we get it, pass the tequila.'” –els

“Oh for a speech bubble shouting ‘It’s about twenty feet deep! Suck it, Trail!'” –The McK

“Mary Worth: You know how sometimes, when you’re watching a movie or reading a book, you’re all on edge because you know the protagonist is making a terrible mistake, but other times, you don’t care, because the ‘protagonist’ deserves whatever pain he gets? This is the second thing.” –Cloudbuster

“Isn’t Pastor Tuttle notorious for mooching food and other subsistence items from his grindingly poor flock? Maybe his thoughts are just another means to his nutritional ends, as in, ‘I could tell you Brother Travis’ destination for another slice of pie.'” –Dood

“Mark’s underground prison seems brightly lit for a hole in the ground. Why doesn’t he just climb up the electrical conduit and escape?” –AhClem

“Drew doesn’t even realize he’s already on another date with Liza as they skate together in the hospital’s indoor physical therapy ice rink.” –sporknpork

“I know this isn’t revolutionary or anything, but for the record, Les Moore sucks. Why can’t his wife be alive and have him dead? Then we would know the book about Les’ Story would actually be entertaining because we get the thrill of knowing he dies at the end.” –Gene S.

“It would be cool if sunlight destroyed Martine and Morbius. But, this being the wimpy Spiderman strip, it’s more likely that sunrise will cure vampirism, leaving behind two mortified and very human ex-vampires. A scolding will ensue.” –Bill Thompson

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