Metapost: Keep on truckin’ COTW
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It’s the freakin’ weekend, everyone, and that means it’s the freakin’ comment of the freakin’ week!
“Personally, I wish more comics were like today’s Beetle Bailey. ‘I invented this character to hate, as a joke. And after fifty years of hating him, I’m all out of jokes. But I’m not out of hate! You suck, Fuzz! My only remaining joy in life is drawing you frowning.’” –bunivasal
And the freakin’ hilarious runners up!
“The men are happy but Sarge sadly realizes that with the base’s limited resources there’s only room for the one mascot, Otto, at Camp Swampy. The next morning he’ll tell the men that the boy had to ‘go home.’” –Hibbleton
“It’s Barbie feminism at its finest that all these women use the old my-job-is-my-whole-identity paradigm just to package themselves for this hunk, but some of them got more game than others. ‘As a medic, I perscribe rest and diet. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of ALL your bodily needs’: Smart and sexy, A+. ‘You think only doctors can be nutritionists? Ha! Pilots are the real doctors!’: Stop copying off your neighbor, Flygirl, C-. ‘Mapping my way to you’: Clever, poetic, B+. ‘Before you know it, I’ll be speaking you fluently’: Doesn’t really make sense but I respect the moxie, B-. ‘Liaison to … you?’: Embarrassing, I expect better from an ‘intelligence’ officer, but then again, you don’t see anything hinky about an obvious alias like ‘John X’ so maybe my expectations shouldn’t be too high, D.” –T Campbell
“When I was a kid, my dad would take me and my brothers to the park to throw boomerangs. We never hit a bird, but sometimes the birds would fly close enough that they’d turn and start chasing the boomerangs as if they were chasing an intruder on their territory. This is basically a roundabout way of saying that a bird-penned boomerang story would probably be very spiteful, and probably end up as a popular hate-read in the world of birds.” –Glarryg
“Yes, the story of the Commonwealth Aircraft Corporation Boomerang. Rushed into service at the beginning of World War II to provide Australia with a domestically produced fighter aircraft, it ended up being too slow and heavy for effective flying. Fascinating stuff. I really identify with it.” –Voshkod
“The Root Beer Council’s proposed sponsorship of the show Finding Your Roots was turned down due to PBS refusing to place cans of root beer in critical shots on the show. So if they can’t reach the hardcore genealogy market with a bad pun, they can at least hit the geriatric newspaper readership, who will hopefully be inclined to serve root beer when their descendants come around asking for stories.” –Philip
“What, you think my bullshit job or my wife’s on-again/off-again catering business pays for all this? This house was bought with Alpo commercial money.” –pugfuggly
“The important thing here is, this minimum wage hat wearer at the Snarl Box isn’t at all shy about telling Hi Flagston that he thinks Hi does depraved and disgusting things with his wadded and rolled-up currency. ” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“The authorities wanted to take you away to live in a normal home, but I know you belong in an old wooden crate.” –Peanut Gallery
“I know where it’s going: down some stripper’s g-string! Good day, sir!” –2+2=7
“What’s Santa Royale’s neighboring city that’s never been mentioned before? Taft! You’re damn right.” –Schroduck
“Gotta give it to Sonia, talking in exposition is one way to distract your root beer engorged foe from the telegraphed punch you’re about to throw.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“In the neighboring city of Taft/ Oppressed folx have been getting the shaft/ Allies speak with precision/ To fend off cruel derision/ But The Man still considers them daft.” –Fausto
“I got a B- in sticking it to the man.” –Dennis Jimenez
“Or did that doctor say it was a tumor in my brain? Well, either way you’re not getting promoted, butter bar.” –jroggs
“The government just wants control over the people! That’s why I’m studying to be a social worker, so the government can never tell me what to do! What’s that? Most social workers are employed by the government? Who control their jobs? And their salaries? Um, I think I’m gonna need another root beer, Daddy-o … make it a double!” –BigTed
“I’m honestly just curious what Sam’s mug says. ‘Mom?’ ‘Motherf***** get your own cup?’ ‘Me Lucky Charms?’ This is going to bug me all day.” –The Rambling Otter
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