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No comment of this truncated week, folks — we’ll let pugfuggly have the place of pride till next Friday!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/3/25

OK, Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, you have to decide: is Hootin’ Holler an impoverished and isolated community in one of America’s neglected rural byways, or is it, you know, in the past? “Hillbilly times,” or whatever? You could be forgiven for saying “Josh, it’s obviously in the past, what are you talking about” but if that’s the case, then how come the strip’s hillbillies know about bitcoin and pickleball, huh, smart guy? Anyway, my point is that Jughaid absolutely does not know what a pocket watch is, nor does he understand the modern industrial economy, because if he did he’d know that Santa isn’t about to retool his entire production line just because one kid wants a pocket watch, c’mon.

Tina’s Groove, 1/3/25

“Say,” you’re probably wondering, “does Tina, the title character of Tina’s Groove, a comic strip currently in reruns that Josh talks about extremely intermittently on his blog, have much a love life?” Answer: she does, and it’s just as depressing as everything else she has going on. I do like that this guy has a picture of her on his desk, where to me she looks as shockingly depressed as she always does. It’s like he looked right into her gloomy soul and decided “Sure, whatever,” and I think that’s sweet.

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Hello, faithful readers! Did you have a good Christmahanukkwanzaa? Are you ready for a return to comics blogging form, here on your favorite website, joshreads dot com? Well, good news: I’m back and prepared to read the comics so you don’t have to, once again.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/25/24

So what did you get up to on Christmas? Did you wait around for your doctor to call you up and tell you it was OK to walk on your treadmill, which he’ll only do after sarcastically asking, “I dunno, do you think someone might stab you the minute you leave the safety of your chair”?

Gil Thorp, 12/26/24

Or did you just straight-up go to jail, like Marty Moon?

Gasoline Alley, 12/27/24

Or did you give, or possibly receive, yet another cursèd doll, to go with the one your friend group already has, doubling the number of demonic toys out in the world and ensuring the ultimate destruction of the human race???

Mary Worth, 12/25/24 and 12/28/24

But whatever, I didn’t have time over the holiday week to think about evil dolls because Dawn’s Christmas Day hunk date turned out to be exactly the blockbuster event that I predicted. First up: turns out Dirk is kind of an asshole — ha ha, what are the paces he’s planning on putting her through that he requires her to protienmaxx at dinner? — but also, it turns out that Dawn 100% thinks of being vegan as a “diet” rather than an ethical framework for respecting animal life, so honestly I don’t feel that bad about it.

Mary Worth, 12/29/24

“Ha ha, Mary, I know, young people really do rush into things instead of taking the time to get to know somebody! It sure would be terrible if I got fingerbanged in the front seat of a car by some hunk I met two days ago instead of spending the last 20 years ‘getting to know’ an angry failed academic decades older than me! Ha ha!”

Mary Worth, 12/30/24

Uh oh! Conflict incoming! Will shallow hunk Dirk still accept Dawn if she has to wear glasses, like she used to?

Mary Worth, 12/31/24 and 1/1/25

Obviously he will not accept them, duh. Remember “negging,” the emotional manipulation technique promoted in the late ’00s by pickup artists and others amongst worst people alive? Well, Mary Worth has finally gotten wind of it in the year of our lord 2025, and obviously Dawn Weston is the first victim.

Mary Worth, 1/2/25

And it worked! She’s 100% in love with this guy, already, despite the fact that he has not been particularly nice to her! In 2025, we’re going to discover: is Dawn going to find that the thing she’s been seeking has been inside her all along? Or has the thing she’s seeking only gone inside her fairly recently? (I’m talking about Dirk’s penis, if that’s not clear.)

Curtis, 1/2/25

Oh, also, Curtis did another Kwanzaa storyline, but instead of being about cool shit like giant telepathic otters it’s about how when you die, you’re reborn as a child in an endless white void and are very confused until you eventually run into your mother. A bit theologically confused and zero giant magical animal content. I give it a C+, but I believe that 2025 has the potential to be at least a B-, comics-wise. Stay tuned!

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Folks! It is once again time for me to take my long winter’s nap, by which I mean a week or so off from posting on the site so that you can take a break from reading and spend time with your families (or with your bookie or with cable TV, I don’t care what you do). Do not fear, however: I will return after the New Year to let you know how badly Dawn’s date goes, and will keep on blogging in 2025 and for all eternity.

In the meantime, though, here’s your top comment of the past few days, something to tide you over:

Like a toothache! Not that we have to worry about that! [they all open their mouths wide to reveal their weird gummy maws]” –pugfuggly

And here are your runners up! Very funny!

“Wait, Yeet-Saying Teen’s name is Oscar? That’s not right at all. If the only thing he can say is ‘yeet,’ his name has to be Yeet. Have these people never seen Grape Ape?” –Peanut Gallery

“Over ‘winter break’? Hootin’ Holler was the last place I expected meek surrender in the War on Christmas.” –matt w

“Disney may have lost their joint trademark with WB on ‘superhero,’ but their back-up plan is that if they publish a comic book called Comic Book, maybe they can trademark that.” –Horace Broon

“At least Santa and his old lady appear to spend their year judging Naughty/Nice at Molly Hatchet concerts. They need judging, and not just for being Molly Hatchet fans.” –A Grave Mind

AUBEE looks like a name you’d see if you asked Midjourney to generate a picture of Santa checking his list.” –ambignostic, on BlueSky

“Dude, the least you could have done is make it rhyme. I’ll get you started: ‘steak’ rhymes with ‘milkshake.’” –Pozzo

“Meanwhile, Blondie is reading out loud from 50 Shades of Grey on her iPad, and also using ChatGPT to change half the original text to descriptions of food. It takes a lot to get things going in bed when you’re a couple of long-married weirdos, but darn it, they’re trying!” –BigTed

“No, no, Dawn! Pale mauve doesn’t go well with red flags.” –MKay

Boring, repetitive, primary purpose is to cause you to seek out distraction from the unpleasantness? It’s the perfect Rex Morgan, M.D., Christmas gift!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

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