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Archie, 11/3/10

So I think it’s important that we start asking ourselves what the deal is with Jughead and the homunculi. We all know that he keeps a tiny version of Archie, with its hands gruesomely removed, in his locker. Now we can see that a similarly stump-handed model of Jughead himself sits smiling on his bookshelf. Are these tiny figurines intended to represent the souls of Jughead and Archie? Does Jughead use them to manipulate their relationship, through ominous voodoo rituals? These are the sorts of questions that should be the root of the panic we see in Archie’s eyes in the final panel, but he appears to be more shocked that Jughead is working himself up into a frenzy by looking at hamburger porn on his laptop, when this ought not to come as a surprise to anybody.

Apartment 3-G, 11/3/10

Oh look, it’s Mrs. Bloom, aka the beloved crazy taser lady of six or eight storylines ago. Mrs. Bloom is excited about visiting her son in Florida, except she worries that she won’t be able to sneak her taser, which she’s nicknamed “Prissy,” onto the plane.

Beetle Bailey, 11/3/10

It appears that the Halftrack-bot needs a visit from the repair shop, because it’s disabled itself by humping the corner of its desk too vigorously.

Jumble, 11/3/10

As ever, I’m too lazy/dumb to actually do the Jumble, but I note that “IT’S ‘POISON'” fits nicely into the blanks of the answer and into the scene in the comic panel. Look at the ostentatiously casual way the waitress is checking out that customer out of the corner of her eye. Ha ha, that’s what you get for never leaving a tip, buddy!

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Apartment 3-G, 11/2/10

Oh, say, what’s that on Iris’s left hand, which is being thrust meaningfully into our faces in panel two here? It sure looks a lot like a wedding ring to me. It seems that her projected image as a wacky, carefree aunt who (in the words of Sunday’s strip) has “adventures” instead of the “homes and families” other people have, is fake, and she is in fact nothing but a common married person. Her vaguely hipster glasses and all her talk about partying in Paris with the Situationists and ’68 are nothing but lies, and she certainly isn’t heading to some kind of bedbug-infested hostel in Bed-Stuy; she’s probably taking the train back to her suburban cul-de-sac in Connecticut, ready to curl up on the couch with her husband Irv and watch whatever iteration of NCIS is on tonight.

(Sorry, this is just my attempt to drum some interest up in this boring storyline. EVEN THE WORST SCANDAL I CAN COOK UP IS INHERENTLY BORING. IT IS IN FACT ABOUT BORINGNESS.)

Crankshaft, 11/2/10

Ha ha! Crankshaft and his old buddies have no idea that it’s already November, and that it’s election day today! They’ve probably been sitting in that booth, muttering nonsense, for days now. Nobody has come looking for them, because they’re all unlikable.

Actually, for once I can’t suspend my disbelief at this strip. Old people never forget to vote! It’s what they live for!

(And if the mere mention of “voting” has inspired you to go off onto an election-related rant, I urge you to do so over here, instead, on last election’s thread.)

Mary Worth, 11/2/10

Mary, Adrian’s heart is telling her that she should obsess endlessly over every little detail about other people’s opinions, because she can’t function unless someone is telling her what to do. She can’t stop thinking about the opinions held by other people! Honestly, it’s like you don’t even know her.

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Hey, kids, I was actually heroically updating my blog while traveling last week, which means that I didn’t do as thorough a job of reading all your comments as I could have. Does this mean that there were great gems that I missed? Almost certainly! Nevertheless, I give you your comment of the week, which I feel is pretty darn funny!

“Hey, Trail! You’re walking into an ambush where the Frank the would-be governor will push you off a cliff. Here, take this cell phone! Partly to show that this story wasn’t written in 1975, but mostly so you can call us as you plummet, because we’d all get a kick out of that.” –AndyL

The runners up are similarly gems!

“Frankly, I’m more concerned that Jeffy appears to have acquired a copy of the Necronomicon.” –Eric

“Yes, Jill, how can you say that Adrian is marrying below herself? That’s simply not possible.” –Violet

“Actually, Jeffy is about to make an intellectual breakthrough. First he’s noticed that diverse organisms have similarities and wondered at their relationship. Next he’ll try to classify them based on similar characters (Linnaean taxonomy). Eventually, he’ll realize the bedrock truth of Common Descent, and abandon that system for a more comprehensive way of describing the familial relationships of all the organisms of the Earth (cladistics). At that point, he’ll be burned at the stake. Keanes didn’t descend from no gotdammed monkehs.” –Great American Satan

“What is going on in the background of panel two? Are Mary, Jill, and Dr. Adrian having lunch at the 1939 Academy Awards?” –MWDG

“I started thinking about bird people and rest rooms and newspapers being everywhere and things went crazy-meta.” –Speck

“The characters in A3G change positions so much that I can’t help but think that they’ve become at least a bit self-aware of how little they actually do, and so they pace around in the hopes that if they move, the plot will, too.” –Hasty Penguin

“Notice the ambient debris field — a fedora, an actual newspaper (!), the zippered satchel. Also the narrow tie and basic black suit. Evidently Bil has been lying there since 1963.” –Uncle Ritzy Fritz

“If you ever make direct eye contact with a person while saying the words, ‘One day I’ll be your surgeon,’ your real future is as a homicidal sociopath. Someday, people will be dressing up like that kid for Halloween!” –Joe Blevins

“SO IT’S HOMELESS YOU WANT, DAVID? Then, um … I’ll separate your soul from the body it calls home? Yeah, I guess that’ll work.” –Dagger

“A3G: Could we please have just one small example of one ‘adventure,’ please? I’d like to know if we’re talking about ‘Last year, for six months, I shacked up with a sexy porter near Namche Bazaar’ or ‘Once, in San Francisco, I tried sushi.'” –Poteet

“‘That is scary.’ Muses Jeff. ‘That I could suffer this hellish life long enough for that kid to complete medical school.'” –bunivasal

“Why are you dressed in surgical scrubs? You specifically. I couldn’t give two fucks why the rest of you kids are dressed in specific costumes.” –captainswift

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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