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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/13/23

The real victim of this whole big late-plot Mirakle Method plagiarism reveal will not be Rene, who will manage to weasel out of serious consequences via some method that is as unlikely as it is uninteresting, but rather Mud, who feels that the Mirakle Method has genuinely helped him become a better person and is barely hanging on by a thread as it becomes increasingly clear that Buzzy and Rene are in full grift mode. I predict he’ll either relapse and engage in a run of antisocial behavior that will make pretending to shit himself onstage look Nobel Peace Prize-worthy, or he’ll transfer his fanatical and violent allegiance to an extremely puzzled Mr. Ollman, who’ll have to try to remember if any of his enemies are still alive

Hagar the Horrible, 12/13/23

Sure, Hagar the Horrible makes the late Carolingian period seem fun, what with all the violence, but have you considered the drawbacks, like the lack of robust financial institutions?

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Beetle Bailey, 12/12/23

One of the whole points of Beetle Bailey is that the title character is lazy. Or, I guess if we’re being more charitable, despite the fact that he’s enlisted in the notoriously hierarchical U.S. Army, we could say he simply refuses to do things that he doesn’t feel like doing, even if he’s ordered to do so — that he’s “somebody who’s caught in the system that they have to resist in order to exist,” in one of Mort Walker’s more poetic descriptions of his most famous creation. This is all well and good and honestly entertaining when Beetle is refusing to peel potatoes or mop the floor or whatever make-work tasks Camp Swampy has on offer; but today’s strip, which features an terribly injured man trapped in a burning car, his dog howling out in desperate hope that someone can help his master before he dies in one of the most horrifying ways imaginable, makes Beetle’s bit of doing a real half-assed job at everything, including providing or calling for assistance in an emergency, somewhat less comical.

Mary Worth, 12/12/23

Who’s the worst possible person to try to introduce to the idea of a polycule, and what’s the worst possible way to do it? I’m tentatively going to go with “Keith” and “like this.”

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Slylock Fox, 12/11/23

I think we all (and by “we all” I mean “me and you hapless fools who somehow cannot get enough of my Slylock Fox commentary”) have long ago agreed that the animals of Slylock Fox are living in the ruins of our own civilization. In our ongoing discussion of this strip, we seek to determine which technologies and social habits they have retained which they have rejected or have failed to keep working. Today, for instance, we learn that the animals understand intuitively that operating automobiles is a dangerous business that must be regulated by the state, and yet have apparently lost the capacity to manufacture or use the simple radar gun. Instead, the police must detain anyone suspected of reckless driving until one of the higher animals arrive, in the hopes of getting the offender to offer an anecdote that serves as an accidental confession when subjected to basic algebraic analysis. Seems like an overly elaborate way to run a highway patrol to me, but in this reality I would almost certainly have had my face eaten off by a beaver in the process of achieving sapience long ago, so it wouldn’t be my problem.

Shoe, 12/11/23

If you’re asking about the original Fantasy Island series, Shoe, it broadcast its last episode on Mary 19, 1984. There have been occasional attempts at a revival, but none were anywhere near as popular as the original, and the latest reboot was cancelled on May 8, 2023, after two seasons. Or are you asking what happened to the world of Fantasy Island, its compelling and mysterious setting, after the cameras stopped rolling? Well, my friend, you might want to explore the rich world of fan art and fan fiction, on World Wide Web sites such as DeviantArt, Tumblr dot com, and An Archive Of Our Own! Truly, amazing new worlds limited only by our collective imaginations await you!