Post Content

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/13/10

Today’s Snuffy Smith offers a sad commentary on the economic dysfunction deeply ingrained in America’s rural shantytowns. Like virtually everyone in Hootin’ Holler, Susie’s boyfriend has neither the skills nor the opportunities to acquire meaningful work, and presumably makes ends meet through some combination of government assistance and chicken theft. But far from being ashamed of her new beau’s lack of economic utility, Susie can only see that this makes him like all the other men she knows in this isolated, impoverished valley. If he did have a job of some sort, that would mark him out as unusual and possibly a threat to the social order, so she’s happy with him as he is, and the cycle of poverty continues.

It’s also possible that I’m misreading this, and that “does he have an occupation” is hillbilly dialect for “is he constipated.”

Luann, 5/13/10

In typical irritating Luann fashion, Luann and Quill have been discussing the question of whether the two of them will record some pointless CD of Quill’s crappy songs together, with about as much effort and angst going into the negotiations as was involved in the Camp David Accords. What possible good could come of this, we thought? But now — now! — we can see that payoff: a hilarious misunderstanding based on stilted, unnatural dialogue! HEY-yo! I look forward to all of Pitts High buzzing over the fact that Quill and Luann are TOTALLY HAVING THE SEX. There will be tears, rage, confusion, and, eventually, learning.

Shoe, 5/13/10

I’m not sure what exactly this is supposed to mean, other than the usual “Buzz the old man-bird is senile and belligerent and says hilariously inappropriate things,” but it did make me contemplate the fact that, since birds don’t have sphincters at the tail end of their digestive system, they just sort of poop uncontrollably whenever the urge strikes. Which means that the Bird Senate of Shoe-world is encrusted with bird shit at all times! As is every other setting in this strip! OK, now I’ve grossed myself out. Thanks a lot, Buzz.

Post Content

Mother Goose And Grimm, 5/12/10

So here’s what life’s like, if you’re me: you might find yourself spending a good part of an afternoon trying to figure out exactly what’s most objectionable about this cartoon, which manages to conflate one’s awkward and yet terribly exciting teenage sexual fumblings with both lactation and human-animal contact, to absolutely horrifying effect. I’ve finally decided that the worst part is fairly subtle: it’s the cow’s eyelashes. Exaggerated eyelashes like these are often used to signify that an otherwise gender-indeterminate beast or thing in a cartoon is meant to be a lady, and an attractive one at that. One might have thought that the femaleness of the cow was beyond question, what with it being milked and all, but there they are, driving the point home that this is a bovine with frank sexual needs that this farmer is fulfilling.

On the other hand, the farmer’s look of shock and horror is kind of funny. It’s as if this cow had never actually spoken to him before, and he’s just now realizing that their relationship is very, very different from what he had hitherto imagined.

Mark Trail, 5/12/10

You know, it’s all fun and games when Rusty gets trapped under a car, but even though Sassy is irritating, I would really prefer not to see her get run down in the middle of the road just two panels after Mark cheerfully states that letting the little dog run around unleashed and unfenced is totally cool. I’d say that we’re about to learn a valuable lesson about pet ownership, except that Mark is never ever proven to be wrong in this strip, and our last runaway dog storyline has as its moral not “keep your dog inside or behind a fence” but rather “petnappers love surprises,” so I don’t have high hopes here.

Apartment 3-G, 5/12/10

Tomorrow’s narration box: “Tommie immediately regrets demanding an explanation.” Notice that she’s attempting to casually sidle away from her roommates, keeping her facial expression as neutral as possible.

Post Content

Spider-Man, 5/11/10

O cruel twist of fate! Here our hero, the Amazing Spider-Man, is betrayed by that which he loves the most: television! He always dreamed of the day when his image would appear on the fantastic glowing picture box in his living room, but now that it’s arrived, it’s just making him confront his financial inadequacies. Perhaps Peter will take this opportunity to educate himself about the rapidly consolidating corporate-controlled media landscape — presumably the Globe-Herald and this local TV station are owned by the same company, and whatever freelancing agreement Peter signed gave that parent corporation the right to use his work across all of its properties. Maybe Spidey’s next battle will be to make readers more aware of alternative, independent journalism, in print or online! Ha ha, just kidding, he’s going to stay at home and sulk and not even go see Mary Jane’s show, wah wah wah, poor Peter Parker, nobody loves him.

Dennis the Menace, 5/11/10

I’m not exactly sure why this is supposed to be either funny or menacing. Perhaps Dennis’s parents have thrown him out of the house into the pouring rain for his general bad behavior, and now he represents the social menace of child homelessness?

Apartment 3-G, 5/11/10

Apartment 3-G really brings home to me how much I make quick assessments about people’s age and social circle from the way they dress. This usually works well enough in the real world, but when you’re dealing with a cast of characters whose wardrobe appears to have been meticulously copied from mid-’60s issues of Redbook, you’re left sort of at sea. Are the A3G girls supposed to be 25? 40? 55? 25-year-olds involved in an elaborate cosplay subculture? Who knows! What I’m trying to say is that Lu Ann may well be a 12-year-old. It would explain a lot.

Marvin, 5/11/10

In happier news, Marvin is about to be mauled by a vicious dog.