Post Content

Your comment of the week coming shortly! But first, a bit of news and a request for help! The much anticipated/dreaded redesign of this site is ALREADY UNDERWAY, off in some designer’s lab somewhere. I’ve taken your suggestions to heart — it will be kept simple, and there will be no threaded comments, in keeping with the pretty firm majority view. I’d also like to include some folks as beta testers, to look at a mock-up version of the site once we’re pretty far along in the process, and test things and make sure that they work as they’re supposed to. I am grateful for anyone who wants to help, and am particularly looking for people with older computers or nonstandard setups (dialup, small screens, etc.). This will not involve much work on your part — poking around the test site a bit, posting some test comments, providing some feedback; shouldn’t take more than half an hour or so. The design probably will be ready for testing in mid-to-late September. If you’re interested, please email me at bio@jfruh.com, and please let me know what operating system (e.g., Windows Vista, Windows XP, Mac OS X, Linux) and Web browser (e.g., Internet Explorer, Firefox) you use, and how fast your Internet connection is (e.g., dialup, DSL, cable). We only probably need maybe 20 people or so, so I’ll probably make a note here if I get overwhelmed with responses.

And now … your comment of the week!

“I hope those poachers don’t come after us. And speaking of danger, what happened to that alligator you just freed? Aaaugh, my bottom half!” –BigTed

And your runners-up! Also funny!

“What really creeps me out is that the only reason I can see for Marvin fantasizing about telling his mom not to wear a slutty dress was … that he was in time out for dressing in a slutty dress. And crapping on it, of course.” –rhymes with puck

“Maybe Jeffy aims to be Ziggy when he grows up.” –gnome de blog

“Is … is Jeffy eating his severed hand?” –AeroSquid

“The entire Keane family has been wedged into the scene, save Grandma and Kittycat the cat. Maybe I’ve missed something, and those two characters have died. Or maybe Jeff Keane assumes that in scenes of family tragedy, the cat and Grandma will be where they always are, asleep under the bed.” –Li’l Bunnë FooFoo

“In buying Adrian a ring, Scott has deferred his dream of owning a second suit — one that’s not Irish Setter colored — for a few years.” –Old School Allie Cat

“I’m really hope that the idiotic roller coaster that is Adrian’s love life will continue to come up every other story in Mary Worth. First there was Ted the grifter and unsubtle thought ballooner. Next comes the paternally approved Scott who will get himself in a boring legal mess when it’s discovered that in an attempt to keep up with his early promise to financially take care of Adrian, he stole a pathetically small diamond ring from evidence. Finally she will discover the perfect man from well bred stock who was right in front of her all along: her own brother. Together they will create children with a penchant for bad haircuts, checkerboard suit coats, and an overestimation of their charismatic skills. Sadly, the Corey family tradition of doctors who all work in the same hospital will end, as obviously such children will be an abomination and will have the mental capacity of a spoon.” –Hinako Sensei

“All kids *do* have a chance to enjoy the outdoors, Rusty, because unlike you, most of them have figured out how doorknobs work.” –Pozzo

“JEANS would seem to indicate a specialized boutique, no doubt selling denim abominations for $169 per pair and up. That may best a mall, depending on your standards. The only place at which Cathy and Irving ought to be shopping for apparel, however, is BODY BAGS.” –Fran Ledue Page

“I would like to know who this old dude in Phantom is, and how he escaped from the world of Conan the Barbarian. That’s the only other place in literature (in existence, really) where the concept of hooded, sleeveless robes makes sense.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Man, Morrissey’s really let himself go.” –UnknownEric

“This would either make an excellent three-panel in Blondie or six months’ worth of story in Apt. 3G.” –Dingo

“Even as our country struggles with the question of whether what was previously considered illegal search and seizure, warrantless wiretapping, and even internationally recognized forms of torture can ever be acceptable to defend the country against stateless terrorism, Judge Parker advocates that all of these powers be deployed to prevent celebrities — or wealthy and attractive people generally — from being inconvenienced.” –Master Softheart

“Our plugger friend should have waited to see whether the basic Electronics Store 2009 Catalog would meet his needs before ordering the deluxe, leather bound edition.” –Duke of Earl Grey

“‘When you feel ready, you can wear it! Meanwhile, I’ve fused our hands into a hideous multi-fingered knob!’ Tomorrow: Charley arrives on the scene. ‘I’ll give you a knob for adults! If you know what I mean!'” –Dragon of Life

“If this guy is so patient, why ask her to get married so quick? Was kissing her floating head on a park bench that great? I mean, the other guy got 50 thousand out of her for calling her Queenie — I guess you’re going for a 100 Gs and Dr. Jeff’s green going-out-to-dinner jacket.” –mr 12 oz can

“We seem to have interrupted Wolverine in the middle of his tai chi exercises.” –corinthian

“Oooooh! ‘Operation H-Town’! How exciting! But since this is Santa Royale, I’m sure the ‘H’ stands for ‘hors d’oeuvres’.” –mojo

“I’m surprised that a video of Marvin suffering and crying would only get 50000 hits. I would watch it that many times just by myself.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“Mark Trail sure is an expert on what is illegal. That’s just one of the benefits of being a proud graduate of the Commit Felony Assault School of Law.” –NoahSnark

“Dick Tracy: In the last month, a trapeze chick died and Dick talked about it. That’s it. This makes Rex Morgan look like Transformers II.” –MolyBendum

“Look, Sandman, if you’re going to lie around on the beach, secretly ogling the muscled thighs of passer-by, you’re going to have to deal with a little sand in the face. That’s how it works.” –edp

“Are we sure this isn’t Susan’s latest attempt to win Les’ affections? ‘Look, it’s all about death and cancer! You LOVE death and cancer!'” –Mela

I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 9/14/09

Longtime readers of Slylock Fox have long wondered at the nature of the judiciary in this realm of bipedal sentient animals. While this locality is equipped with a serviceable mostly-canine police force, there seems to be little regard for the constitutional rights of men or beasts, and Slylock Fox himself, while not obviously affiliated with the law enforcement apparatus in any institutional way, is permitted to imprison and convict suspects merely on the strength his own flimsy deductions. Today, we learn the truth: all the action in this strip takes place in some kind of despotic absolute monarchy, ruled over by Princess Pussycat’s iron fist, with Slylock as her chief and unquestioning Inquisitor, the Darth Vader to her Emperor Palpatine. Moreover, though the Princess is called “pussycat,” her fur/skin is a bright red not seen on any natural feline, leading me to the conclusion that she is an actual hell-demon, controlling her subjects with her devilish supernatural powers; she’s probably the one responsible for transforming them into terrible hybrid beast-men in the first place.

Today’s transgressor against Her Satanic Majesty is wearing the all-black uniform and sunglasses that indicate that he was actually a member of her feared secret police. Perhaps the temptation of selling her devil-gold was too much, or perhaps he finally had had enough and was planning to strike a blow against his evil overlord by disposing of one of her symbols of power. Either way, in short order Princess Pussycat’s palace attendant is going to demonstrate that the enormous axe he carries as part of his uniform is not ceremonial. Still, you have to admire Rodney’s chutzpah; even in the face of summary execution, he’s still offering a jaunty double thumbs-up and a Fonzie-style “Aaaayyyy.”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/14/09

Hold up, what … what is the deal with dude’s thighs in panel three? They’re all lumpy and misshapen, and not in proportion to the rest of him. It’s like he’s hiding a couple of hams in his pants, for the winter.

Oh, and also, people opposed to cancer and death played as spectacle are pin-headed philistines. Pin-headed philistines with weirdly misshapen thighs.

Spider-Man, 9/14/09

Today’s strip offers another entertaining moment in Spidey-Dimness, as Peter Parker reveals his total unfamiliarity with the concept of metaphors. “MJ, this is no time for confusing talk about meteorology! I’m busy whining about my constant failure!”

Shoe, 9/14/09

Once again Shoe’s patented Goggle-Eyed Reaction Shot Of Soul-Scraping Horror is right on target, as our mechanic instantly notices that, once the Perfesser’s inevitable slide into poverty reaches the point of homelessness, he’s planning on living in his car by himself. Where will his young ward Skyler be in this scenario? Presumably he’ll have long since been delivered to the Shoe-world’s equivalent of an orphanage, which, since everyone there is a bird, is probably an agro-industrial facility that processes low-grade poultry into soup stock.

Post Content

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/13/09

I present to you this Snuffy Smith not because it’s noteworthy (it isn’t) or funny (oh, definitely not) but because it gives me an opportunity to point you in the direction of the puzzlingly detailed Wikipedia article for “Old Time,” which concept our flatland tourister (tourister?) neatly exemplifies. “The archetypical Old Timey costume includes … vertically-striped fabric, straw hats … a vest, and sleeve garters of the type worn in the later half of the 19th century,” says the crowdsourced wisdom of the world’s largest online encyclopedia, and two out of four clearly ain’t bad. The question of why the flatland tourister is dressed all old-timey, when the strip has always at least half-heartedly attempted to pass itself off as taking place in some extremely rustic locale in the present, is perhaps a mystery too profound for Wikipedia to answer.

(And thanks to behind-the-scenes Rifftrax genius Conor Lastowka for pointing me in the direction of this particular bit of Wikiwhimsy.)

Marvin, 9/13/09

Considering the kinds of filth this strip routinely serves up as family entertainment, I’m actually kind of surprised that they’re apparently not allowed to use the word “snot.”

Panel from Mary Worth, 9/13/09

As Detective Hewlett drops his simple frontier bride back off at her rustic farmhouse, let’s take a moment to savor the deliciousness of “Operation H-Town.” I’m going to wager that, contrary to the Chief’s gruff commentary, it will be a party — the kind of party where a certain lovelorn police officer gets killed! Will it be Adrian’s fault, because Scott will be so busy figuring out how to diplomatically tell her that she needs to get a haircut that costs more than $8 for the wedding ceremony that he’ll walk right into an ambush set by crazed smack dealers? Probably!

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 9/13/09

“…and so that’s when I decided that I didn’t love them either! Yes, everyone in the world who had ever or would ever live was now officially my enemy. They’d pay. Oh, they’d pay.”