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Family Circus, 11/4/09

The presence of Dolly in the background takes this Family Circus panel beyond this feature’s usual run-of-the-mill “Jeffy is a moron” territory. When you consider Dolly’s well-known and well-earned contempt for her brother, it seems unlikely that she’d be helping him search for his shoes; thus, I must conclude that all shoes in the Keane Kompound have been confiscated, possibly as a result of the suspiciously absent Billy’s successful escape. Barfy’s sad facial expression indicates that he knows what the kids don’t: even if you get across the half-mile of burning sand, you’ll just end up at the electric fence.

Pluggers, 11/4/09

Pluggers are so hard up for cash that they can only afford “choklit”, which, being made mostly from petroleum byproducts, doesn’t have an expiration date.

Archie, 11/4/09

Mr. Weatherbee’s anger masks his shame at almost being caught surfing for Mr. Weatherbee porn while at work.

Mary Worth, 11/4/09

“That’s right, you don’t have any regrets about your love life, do you Jeff? Jeff? Put down that coffee mug and look at me when I talk to you!”

Apartment 3-G, 11/4/09

OH OH WAIT SHE NEVER HAD ONE OF THOSE

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Dick Tracy, 11/3/09

For me, the trajectory of a Dick Tracy storyline goes something like this: first it’s interesting because it’s so hilariously wacky and surreal; then the strip refuses to in any way engage in traditional “storytelling” that “makes sense” and I get irritated and start ignoring it; then the climax, with its promise of unspeakable violence, looms, and I get interested again. In this case, obviously-guilty-from-the-beginning evil clown Mr. Pops is about to be strangled, or ripped in half, or thrown down into a tiger cage and eaten alive, by circus giant/strongman Fee Fi. While it’s true that bad guys in Dick Tracy inevitably die in agony, they generally either perish in ironic accidents while trying to escape or are killed by Dick himself. I wonder therefore about the legal issues that might arise from this act of freelance vigilantism. Or will Dick merely praise the behemoth for his perp-mangling skills? “I like the way Pops’s enormous shoes kicked in terror right before you hurled him to his death! That was a nice little flourish.”

Blondie, 11/3/09

Dagwood should not be worried about the complexity of Elmo’s sidewalk diagram here — after all, what is childhood for if not the creation of elaborate and impractical systems? No, the real issue is his concern for Dagwood’s safety. Any self-respecting American youngster ought to be over the moon with joy at the prospect of two adults running pell-mell into each other face-first and then collapsing to the sidewalk in a heap of slapstick pain. Yet Elmo is determined prevent this hilarious event from recurring. Is this the end result of a generation raised on play dates and non-violent cartoons?

Mark Trail, 11/3/09

Oh my goodness, in my recap of possible Mark Trail plot points, I completely neglected the obvious: Sassy used as gator bait! I certainly hope we continue along these lines when Rusty inevitably comes out in his pajamas to look for his mewling pup. “We may be in luck, fellows … alligators love hideous, deformed little boy meat!”

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For once, there’s no further ado … just this week’s top comment.

“I don’t think the Luann writers understand that ‘risotto’ is not just ‘what the gays call rice.'” –teddytoad

And the almost-as-funny runners up!

“I’ve only read Mark Trail for a few months but the sneaky ball cap on Mr. Trail in the first panel — COME ON! It’s as unnatural as making your pets wear clothes. What’s next, a soul patch? Oh, I’m watching you, Elrod.” –Orange Cactus

“Jamaal, you’re my best friend and I value our time together, but can we save the food critique for a time when I’m not being molested by a giant disembodied Jheri-Curl?” –Chyron HR

“I’m highly skeptical of the idea that Crankshaft would even for a moment balk at either hacking something up with a giant knife or participating in an activity the ultimate goal of which is to terrify children.” –Violet

“Nothing builds a sense of community like everyone in the neighborhood gathering round to lynch the couple who gave you loose bowel movements.” –Laocoon

“Crankshaft: ‘What time is it?’ Lady: ‘Five o’clock.’ Crankshaft: ‘Fuck you.'” –Red Greenback describes pretty much every Crankshaft ever published

“Pam’s tragic optimism in panel one just kills me. I mean, just stone cold kills me dead. She cheerfully and enthusiastically asks her father if he wants to carve jack-o-lanterns, hoping he’ll say — what? Perhaps: ‘I’d love to, darling! I realize I was a complete prick as a father, and I can never hope to make up for the damage I’ve done to your self-image, but I hope it’s not too late to show you some of the affection I cruelly withheld from you for decades.’ The only way the ‘shaft would ever say that, though, is in sarcasm. Good god, Pam. You’re holding a knife. What are you waiting for?” –Joe Blevins

“I love Bobbie: strung out on her addiction and weary from attempts at emotionally manipulating people she cares nothing for, she still remembers to think ‘whom’. She may be a goofball fiend but she has breeding.” –Cliff Arroyo

“A stint in the Foreign Legion will teach young Cory some discipline. Why not send him off to Crock? It’ll improve both strips.” –Mooncattie

“See, say what you want about Lynn Johnston, but it’s her flying in the face of the gag strips’ general disregard for week-to-week continuity that makes her a treasure. If Herb & Jamaal were so honest it would have to henceforth be called Jamaal & the Guy with the Horribly Scalded and Disfigured Bozac.” –Edgy DC

“The Mommy Wars have made it to Hootin’ Holler. Soon every strip will be about the competition to get Junior into the best one-room schoolhouse the barter-system can buy.” –Mollie

“I think the Spider-Man strip would be a lot better if the next several ones were just actual pages from The Dog in The Fog. And then Spider-Man is defeated by a lead pipe at the end.” –Gnoll

In response to the proposal that Luann and Gunther dress as each other for Halloween: “I dunno, I don’t think even the most exquisitely crafted costume could capture the sheer horror that is Gunther. Or disguise it.” –commodorejohn

“A fiber optic jack-o-lantern? What, are we Episcopalian now?” –PoeWar

“‘And just to show you your little girl’s safe … I downloaded the new iStalk app for my 2-inch-thick iPhone so I can watch everything she does.’ ‘I like this book even better than the other one, Mr. Foghorn. But why are you pointing that camera at my face?’ ‘Stop asking questions. Shut up and read your crappy fake Dr. Seuss books! You’re not paying me enough for this, Bigshot!'” –Bob

“Am I the only one who thinks that it’s horrible that the Sandman’s daughter is called ‘Sandy’? Because that’s horrible.” –AndyL

“It’s fitting that the only porn in the Foobiverse consists of be-wigged muppets.” –yellojkt

“I realize that most of us view the Keanes as a medieval-minded cult of reactionaries, but I have to say that I’m impressed by the amount of obvious trust they’re placing in Billy by arming him with that scythe.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Bobbie, there aren’t enough symbols on the keyboard to describe how badly you need a makeover.” –NoahSnark

“Rocky, on a 10-minute break from his job at the nuclear power plant, talks to his life partner on the phone. They have a small tiff based mainly on Rocky’s insecurities about a horse, which is possibly a euphemism for erectile dysfunction.” –MolyBendum

“Why is Billy dressed as the ghost of Flava Flav?” –Stij

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