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Slylock Fox, 6/22/09

Generally speaking I feel the members of Slylock Fox’s rogues gallery are unjustly persecuted by the snoopy vulpine detective. Slylock’s pursuit of Cassandra obviously goes much deeper than his ostensible law-enforcement goals; Reeky Rat‘s only crime is dreaming bigger than his low place on the social totem pole would allow; even Slick Smitty deserves our sympathy as the lone human in a nightmarish world of talking animals.

But Shady Shrew … well, even when the evidence against him is thin, it’s hard to work up a lot of sympathy for him, because he’s obviously a creepy loser. His schemes aren’t executed with any panache or style, let alone competence. Take today’s strip, for instance. Doesn’t insurance fraud seem kind of pedestrian and degrading when compared to the thefts and mad science perpetrated in this feature? This is even less creative than his moon rock scam. And the wrong-way bending of the guardrail indicates a lack of attention to detail that makes whole sordid episode not even sporting. Slylock, presumably disgusted, has no doubt pulled out his magnifying glass so as to beat the shrew about the head and neck with it until the uniformed officers arrive.

Beetle Bailey, 6/22/09

I’m sure we could all have lots of fun coming up with homoerotic interpretations of the dialogue here, but that would distract us from the real issue, which is: what the hell is the deal with Sarge’s right hand. I guess his thumb is supposed to be tucked inside his clenched fingers, but really, who makes a fist like that? And honestly, it looks less like “thumb is tucked inside clenched fingers” and more like “no thumb at all and fat, rubbery tentacles curled up at the end of his palm.” It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Apartment 3-G, 6/22/09

I’m sorry, what if Margo is right about everything? Margo should punish you for even thinking that she might be wrong about anything, ever, but the universe will obviously exact a terrible vengeance on you for your act of heretical Margo-doubt in short order, Nora.

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Mary Worth, 6/20/09

I love that Mary Worth has gone all Herb and Jamaal-y on us, with “Thanks for preparing my favorite dish!” Perhaps this ambiguity is meant to draw the reader in, so that Delilah becomes the viewpoint character. You can imagine that Mary Worth has prepared your favorite dish, whatever that happens to be! If you concentrate on the deliciousness hard enough and then fix your eyes on Mary’s grinning face in the second panel, it’ll be like you’re there! Then you’ll run screaming into the woods!

I think it’s more likely, though, that the author knew that whatever specific food references were put into the dialogue would be ignored in favor of the artist’s favored blobby food-like units, and couldn’t bring herself to write “Thanks for preparing my favorite dish, fist-sized grey ’n’ orange masses! I can’t believe you remembered!”

Funky Winkerbean, 6/20/09

Uh huh, “went up to Cedar Point,” “took off with some of his buddies,” whatever. Summer and Cory are totally off getting teen pregnant right now, as these two mope it up.

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Crankshaft, 6/20/09

I’m not saying that old people should be allowed to make their own life choices and do things that their kids might find unconventional or embarrassing … oh, wait wait, it turns out that’s exactly what I’m saying. I mean, obviously there are any number of health reasons not to smoke, but with today’s strip we learn that the Crank-in-laws are just mainly focused on stopping Grandma Rose from ever humiliating them by doing anything that they wouldn’t, with “having fun” being high on the list.

On the other hand, they may be worried that she’ll interpret “tramp stamp” according to the idiom of her own time, and will be enraged at granddaughter’s suggestion that she get some kind of government license to live as an itinerant vagrant.

Marmaduke, 6/20/09

“Oh, and in totally unrelated news, they still haven’t caught that serial killer who’s been murdering and dismembering picnickers down at the park.”