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That promised weekend wrap-up metapost will be coming soon, but I thought you might enjoy, you know, some comics commentary or something. I had originally planned to skip over the comics from the days I was away, but of course I had to read them to catch up, and some of them just called to me, so here are the highlights of all the stuff I missed. (Sorry in advance if I step on anyone’s snark, I haven’t had time to go over the weekend’s 1000+ comments in depth…)

They’ll Do It Every Time, 6/22/07

Yeah, I know, this one’s from Friday, but faithful reader anne failed to tell me in advance that “Anne D.” was her! So, enjoy another moment in Curmudgeonly TDIET domination.

Archie, 6/23/07

You know, I don’t think we give the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 enough credit. If you gave a mere human the task of of creating a comic strip in which a teenage boy sprays a sexy teenage girl with a hose but which is nevertheless entirely homoerotic in subtext, he or she would invariably stalk off, proclaiming loudly that such a thing is impossible. The AJGLU 3000 merely churns through data and chugs forward implacably to its programmed destination.

Crankshaft, 6/24/07

“Yeah, see, we call them that because sooner or later one of them is going to have a massive myocardial infarction right there in the booth. Ha ha! Hopefully I won’t be on duty when that happens, ’cause they’d probably make me help move the corpse.”

Mary Worth, 6/24/07

This may be the most frankly sexual Mary Worth (and is there a more disturbing four-word sequence in the English language?) in the strip’s long history. Dr. Jeff’s attempts offer up his son has a substitute object of Mary’s affections are quickly quashed. Mary then goes on at great length about her plans to pimp the junior Dr. Corey out to every woman at the party; she’s so excited at the prospect that her ascot has been knocked askew. Dr. Jeff, while obviously proud of his son’s virility and sexual fitness, expresses his concern over the young fellow’s man-whoring. To cap things off, we get the image of a bee pollinating a flower, soon to fly off to another, illustrating Drew’s “love ’em and leave ’em” policy in one of the most discomfort-inducing metaphorical fashions possible (presumably instead of spreading pollen from blossom to blossom, he brings chlamydia instead). Will Vera’s womanly parts be the hive that will trap this bee with its sweet, sweet honey? Stay tuned!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/24/07

The most awesome thing about this Rex Morgan is that every single thing that Hugh is saying is in fact 100 percent demonstrably true, and yet he’s being drawn like a paranoid lunatic drama queen. Panel four, in which he waves his highly trained pointing figure around while he stares goggle-eyed and shouts accusations at nobody in particular, with June rolling her eyes in contempt, is particularly choice. Heather can only defuse the situation by again busting out the “Boo hoo my poor rich husband is dead or possibly floating in the icy North Atlantic” waterworks, which strategy will presumably have diminishing returns.

Gil Thorp, 6/25/07

OH MY GOD CLAMBAKE IS A FRAUD! I’m more than a little embarrassed to admit that I didn’t see this coming at all. I’m looking forward to the shocking revelation that not only was he never in the Negro Leagues, but he’s really just a Greek guy with a good tan!

Sally Forth, 6/25/07

I swear to God, the first time I looked at this, I though Sally’s thought balloon read “I wonder how high I could get before losing my job.”

Ralph, meanwhile, is fooling nobody by poking at a keyboard that isn’t attached to anything. “Easy Ralph … easy … she’ll forget you’re here in a minute … then uncross her ankles … that’s right … any minute now…”

Wizard of Id, 6/25/07

Ha ha! Id is an absolute monarchy and the king’s power isn’t checked by any other institution or law, so he can order the gruesome torture of any of his subjects for the slightest of insults! Ha! The press secretary’s arms have probably both popped out of their sockets, and he’ll die in agony over a series of days! Ah, whimsy.

Gasoline Alley, 6/26/07

Gasoline Alley has been so breathtakingly dull lately, what with plots about sleep apnea and tinnitus by turns, that I haven’t felt the urge to note its continued existence for the last seven months. Today looks promising, however, as it seems to herald the beginning of a new story about how awful it is when black people move into the neighborhood.

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Hi everybody! We managed to get back to Baltimore on our own power and in our own car — Hooray! A complete weekend report, including details of all the awesome people I met, is forthcoming, probably tomorrow, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging any longer on the already delayed COMMENTS OF THE WEEK! (Remembering of course that the comments from when I was away aren’t in the running, despite their hilariousness [and yes, I have been at least scanning them…]).

Here’s the A-number-one, king-of-the-hill comment:

“I can’t go to the Charterstone pool party. I’m busy trying to line up a place where I can have some face-to-face contact with prospective donors. How can I do that? Let me think… Hmmmm… How can I access a group of upper-middle-class adults with no kids and disposable incomes in an informal and congenial setting? Where do such places exist? Mary, will you stop bugging me about your goddamned pool party already?” –Hogen Mogen

And the pretty-darn-hilarious in their own right runners up:

“Blaze is unaware of the federal law that prevents anyone wearing a neckerchief from serving as someone’s legal guardian.” –Reid

“I just got another laugh out of Margo’s inappropriate scowl in the first panel. She probably doesn’t even know she’s doing it. Why so angry, Margo? ‘Angry? Shut up! I’m trying to look concerned. Someone woke me and now I’m in some sort of hospital and Lu Ann’s dead or whatever and I’m kind of horny and these people aren’t talking about me and GOD I’M BORED.'” –Old Bean

“Dilton’s thought bubble should read, ‘Why does everyone talk about me as though I weren’t here? Sweet Jesus, what I wouldn’t do for a little human interaction.'” –The Spectacular Spider-Brick

“If I’d had a chance to put money on which old strip would be the first to introduce a hot interspecies lesbian storyline in an effort to spark interest among our jaded youth, I would be a great deal poorer and damning Mark Trail even more vehemently than usual.” –Hawkwoman

“You gotta admire Peter Parker’s smooth pickup technique, though. The only thing sexier than a chest full of hair and gold chains to disco-era ladykind is an alarmist headline about left-wing terrorism. Puts the ‘baad’ in ‘Baader-Meinhoff.'” –arto

“The sight of someone thinking is apparently a fascinating rarity in Archie and Betty’s world.” –Prankster

“Please tell me Mark intends to dissect that thing on the tarmac. Headline: Local recluse found performing voodoo ritual at airport! Sought for questioning related to earlier plane/bird incident!” –Spoony Bard

“Katy grew back her hair in solidarity with her softball coach, who was recently diagnosed with not having cancer.” –t.a.m.s.y.

“Does anyone else hear Cherry Trail’s boldfaced ‘WE LOVE YOU’ as a dozen dozen voices of the damned chanting in unison? Just me? Okay, carry on.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

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Hi there everybody! I’ve had some really awesome and great experiences in New York this weekend, both at the ROFL! shindig Friday night (at which I was not victorious, but that’s OK, since I was really nervous and I think I did my best stuff in the first round) and at the Mocca artfest today. At both, I had lots of encounters with many fine Comics Curmudgeon readers, who are without exception awesome and friendly and fun and good looking. I will be posting a somewhat longer account of my experiences, naming individuals and offering a few pictures, soon! But for now I just want to say that you were all cool and I loved talking to you and I really appreciate all of you reading my site and being fans.

You know who I don’t like and don’t appreicate, however? The New York traffic enforcement department, who towed and impounded our car for being in a bus stop zone, despite the fact that we were not, in fact, in a bus stop zone.

You know who else I don’t like or appreciate? The Maryland MVA, for putting the wrong license plate number on our vehicle registration, which means that that NY traffic enforcement won’t release our car back to us.

New posts coming when we get the hell out of New York, which may be, you know, never.

Update: Slight retraction: Having now strolled past the sad, empty spot where our car used to be, I have to admit that it is in fact a bus stop. A very poorly marked bus stop, but a bus stop nonetheless.

Nevertheless, they’re still being dicks about the license plate issue. Come on you bastards the VIN number on the registration matches and you saw that OUR GOD-DAMNED KEYS OPENED THE DOOR why on earth would we be trying to grift you out of a 1994 Toyota Corrolla for fuck’s sake.

Second update: WE (“WE” BEING “AMBER, THE CAR, AND MYSELF”) ARE BACK IN BALTIMORE. COTW COMING TONIGHT; MORE TO FOLLOW LATER SOON MAYBE.